The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. To summarize information by selecting key characteristics and compiling a report and, if necessary, make a comparison.

The blueprints illustrate two types of dormitories for either one or two students at an Australian university.
Overall, both types of rooms share the same length but student room for two persons is much larger in term of wight. Also, student room for two people costs more than that for one person, but it is cheaper per person if two students share a same room.
First and foremost, with the wight of 4 meters, the room for two students is almost double the size of the one-person room type, which is only 2.5 meters. That extra space goes along with an additional bed and desk. A set of table and two chairs is also added, in the middle, toward the left side of the room. Therefore, there is 150 dollars different between two types. However, if one chooses to share the room with a second student, then it's only 175 dollars person per week comparing to 200 dollars when a student chooses the one-person room.
Regarding, two type of rooms utilities, there are not many differences. All the kitchen related furnitures are exactly the same. The television of the room for one student is placed roughly in the middle of the room, while that figure of the other type of room is closer to the bottom left corner. Two cupboards separate bed one and bed two in the room for two students. Although the room for one student does not have that feature, it has the same bathroom structure with the other room.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"blueprints illustrate" -> "the blueprints depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in this context, emphasizing the visual representation of the designs.
"for either one or two students" -> "for either one or two occupants"
Explanation: "Occupants" is a more formal and precise term than "students" in this context, focusing on the people residing in the rooms rather than their educational status.
"student room for two persons" -> "student accommodation for two occupants"
Explanation: "Accommodation" is a more formal term than "room," and "occupants" is preferred over "persons" for consistency and formality.
"much larger in term of wight" -> "significantly larger in terms of size"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise adverb than "much," and "terms of size" corrects the spelling error and provides clarity.
"costs more than that for one person, but it is cheaper per person if two students share a same room" -> "costs more than the one-person option, but it is more economical per person if two students share the same room"
Explanation: "More economical" is a more precise and formal term than "cheaper," and "the one-person option" clarifies the comparison.
"First and foremost" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and concise transition than "First and foremost," which can sound overly colloquial in academic writing.
"with the wight of 4 meters" -> "with a width of 4 meters"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "wight" to "width."
"almost double the size" -> "approximately double the size"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "almost," aligning better with academic style.
"That extra space goes along with an additional bed and desk." -> "This additional space accommodates an extra bed and desk."
Explanation: "Accommodates" is more precise and formal than "goes along with," and "This" is preferred over "That" for clarity.
"A set of table and two chairs is also added" -> "A set of tables and two chairs is also included"
Explanation: "Included" is more formal than "added," and "tables" should be plural to match the context.
"in the middle, toward the left side of the room" -> "midway along the left side of the room"
Explanation: "Midway" is a more precise and formal term than "in the middle," and the rephrasing clarifies the spatial description.
"there is 150 dollars different between two types" -> "there is a difference of $150 between the two types"
Explanation: "A difference of $150" is grammatically correct and more formal than "there is 150 dollars different."
"it’s only 175 dollars person per week" -> "it costs $175 per person per week"
Explanation: "It costs" is more formal and corrects the contraction "it’s" to "it," and "per person per week" is grammatically correct.
"Regarding, two type of rooms utilities" -> "Regarding the utilities of the two types of rooms"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and rephrases for clarity and formality.
"All the kitchen related furnitures" -> "All kitchen-related furnishings"
Explanation: "Furnishings" is the correct noun form, and "kitchen-related" is grammatically correct.
"The television of the room for one student is placed roughly in the middle of the room" -> "The television in the one-student room is positioned roughly in the center of the room"
Explanation: "Positioned" is more formal than "placed," and "center" is a more precise term than "middle."
"that figure of the other type of room" -> "the television in the other type of room"
Explanation: Clarifies the reference to the television, avoiding ambiguity.
"Two cupboards separate bed one and bed two" -> "Two cupboards separate the two beds"
Explanation: "The two beds" is grammatically correct and clearer than "bed one and bed two."

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay does not fully address the task. The essay focuses on the differences between the two rooms, but it does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the rooms. The essay also includes some irrelevant information, such as the price per person for the two-person room.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main features of the rooms. The essay should also focus on the key features of the rooms, such as the size, layout, and furniture. The essay should avoid irrelevant information, such as the price per person for the two-person room. The essay should also be more concise and to the point.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the two types of dormitories, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate distinct ideas or comparisons.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Clear Structure: Organize the essay into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the comparison (e.g., size, cost, utilities). This will help guide the reader through the information logically.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words such as "however," "in addition," "on the other hand") to clearly indicate relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
Clarity in Comparisons: Ensure that comparisons are explicitly stated and easy to follow. For example, when discussing costs, clearly outline the differences in a structured manner to avoid confusion.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may hinder understanding, such as "wight" instead of "width" and "furnitures" instead of "furniture."

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the dormitory types, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "wight" instead of "width," "furnitures" instead of "furniture"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not show much flexibility or precision in conveying ideas.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common terms related to the topic. They should also focus on improving accuracy in word choice and spelling. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, practicing collocations and ensuring that vocabulary is appropriate for the context will contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and makes frequent grammatical errors. While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, many of these constructions are inaccurate or awkward, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "in term of wight" and "150 dollars different" are grammatically incorrect and hinder clarity. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as the incorrect use of commas and the lack of conjunctions in some sentences, which further detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This includes checking for subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
Punctuation Practice: Improve punctuation skills, particularly with commas and conjunctions, to enhance the flow and clarity of sentences.
Vocabulary Development: Use precise vocabulary to convey ideas more clearly, which can help reduce ambiguity and improve overall communication.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The blueprints illustrate two types of dormitories for either one or two students at an Australian university. Overall, both types of rooms share the same length, but the student room for two persons is much larger in terms of width. Additionally, the student room for two people costs more than that for one person, but it is cheaper per person if two students share the same room.

First and foremost, with a width of 4 meters, the room for two students is almost double the size of the one-person room, which is only 2.5 meters wide. That extra space accommodates an additional bed and desk. A table and two chairs are also included, positioned in the middle towards the left side of the room. Therefore, there is a difference of 150 dollars between the two types. However, if one chooses to share the room with a second student, it costs only 175 dollars per person per week, compared to 200 dollars for the one-person room.

Regarding the utilities of the two types of rooms, there are not many differences. All the kitchen-related furniture is exactly the same. The television in the one-student room is placed roughly in the middle of the room, while that in the other type of room is closer to the bottom left corner. Two cupboards separate bed one and bed two in the room for two students. Although the room for one student does not have that feature, it has the same bathroom structure as the other room.