In some countries, cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Why is the case? What measures can be taken to prevent this phenomenon?

It is true that in many places around the world, commercialization at tourist sites leads to the loss of cultural practices. There are several reasons for this trend, and various solutions should be adopted to tackle it.
One reason cultural traditions are compromised is the pursuit of economic gain. Tourism can significantly boost a country’s economy. As a result, local traditions and practices are often adapted or altered to meet tourists' expectations. For example, traditional ceremonies might be shortened to fit into a tourist-friendly schedule, losing their original essence. Furthermore, the commercialization of cultural artifacts, where sacred items are sold as souvenirs, and erodes the authenticity of these traditions. Another reason is that tourists often do not understand the real meaning of the cultural traditions they are seeing. This ignorance may cause customs to be simplified or changed in order to appeal to tourists, which could be detrimental to the cultural heritage.
To address this issue, several measures can be taken. To begin with governments and tourism boards should enforce regulations that protect cultural heritage. This could include limiting the number of tourists allowed to visit certain sites or participate in cultural events. Moreover, there should be guidelines on how cultural traditions are presented to ensure they remain authentic and respectful. Alongside, sustainable tourism practices should be promoted. This includes encouraging eco-friendly tourism and supporting local businesses that prioritize cultural preservation over profit. By fostering a tourism model that values and respects cultural heritage, we can ensure that traditions are maintained for future generations.
In summary, there are various reasons for loss of cultural identity in several countries. By balancing economic benefits and cultural preservation, countries can protect their heritage while still enjoying the rewards of a thriving tourism industry.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is indeed the case that"
Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" introduces a more formal and assertive tone, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"leads to the loss of" -> "results in the loss of"
Explanation: "Results in" is a more precise and formal term than "leads to," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe causality.
"various solutions should be adopted" -> "a range of measures should be implemented"
Explanation: "A range of measures" is more specific and formal than "various solutions," and "implemented" is a more precise verb choice than "adopted" in this context, which refers to the execution of plans or strategies.
"pursuit of economic gain" -> "pursuit of economic benefits"
Explanation: "Economic benefits" is a more specific and formal term than "economic gain," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic discourse.
"boost a country’s economy" -> "enhance a country’s economic prospects"
Explanation: "Enhance a country’s economic prospects" is a more precise and formal way to describe the positive impact on a country’s economy, aligning better with academic style.
"local traditions and practices are often adapted or altered" -> "local traditions and practices are frequently modified or altered"
Explanation: "Frequently modified" is a more precise and formal expression than "often adapted," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"the commercialization of cultural artifacts" -> "the commercial exploitation of cultural artifacts"
Explanation: "Commercial exploitation" is a more precise term that conveys the negative impact of commercial activities on cultural artifacts, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"sacred items are sold as souvenirs" -> "sacred items are commodified as souvenirs"
Explanation: "Commodified" is a more precise and academic term that specifically refers to the process of converting something into a commodity, which is more suitable for formal writing.
"ignorance may cause customs to be simplified or changed" -> "lack of understanding may lead to the simplification or alteration of customs"
Explanation: "Lack of understanding" is a more formal and precise term than "ignorance," and "lead to the simplification or alteration" is a more formal way of expressing causality in academic writing.
"Alongside, sustainable tourism practices should be promoted" -> "Additionally, sustainable tourism practices should be promoted"
Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Alongside," which is less commonly used in academic writing to introduce additional points.
"fostering a tourism model that values and respects cultural heritage" -> "promoting a tourism model that prioritizes cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Promoting" is a more direct and formal verb than "fostering," and "prioritizes" is a more precise term than "values and respects," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"enjoying the rewards of a thriving tourism industry" -> "benefiting from a thriving tourism industry"
Explanation: "Benefiting from" is a more formal and precise phrase than "enjoying the rewards of," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the destruction of cultural traditions due to commercialization, such as the alteration of traditional ceremonies and the commodification of cultural artifacts. Additionally, it proposes several measures to prevent this phenomenon, including government regulations and sustainable tourism practices. The response is comprehensive and covers the essential aspects of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include more specific examples of cultural traditions that have been affected by tourism. This would provide a stronger connection to the reasons discussed and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. Additionally, a more detailed exploration of the consequences of these changes on local communities could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that commercialization negatively impacts cultural traditions. This stance is consistently supported throughout the text, with logical reasoning and relevant examples. The introduction clearly states the issue, and the conclusion reiterates the importance of balancing economic benefits with cultural preservation.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the essay could incorporate counterarguments or acknowledge potential benefits of tourism in a more nuanced way. This would demonstrate critical thinking and allow for a more balanced discussion, enhancing the overall clarity and depth of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. The essay effectively extends these ideas by providing examples and suggesting solutions. For instance, the mention of regulations and sustainable practices illustrates how the proposed measures could be implemented.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the essay could include more detailed examples or case studies of specific countries or cultural practices affected by tourism. This would provide a richer context for the arguments made and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, addressing both the reasons for the destruction of cultural traditions and the measures to prevent it. There are no significant deviations from the main theme, and the structure supports the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the prompt can enhance coherence. For instance, explicitly linking the proposed measures back to the reasons discussed earlier could reinforce the connection between the problem and the solutions, making the argument even more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates its points. With the suggested improvements, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue, followed by two well-structured body paragraphs that discuss reasons for the loss of cultural traditions and propose solutions. Each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with the second paragraph directly addressing the solutions to the problems raised in the first. For instance, the transition from discussing the economic motivations behind cultural compromise to the proposed regulations is seamless, demonstrating a solid understanding of logical organization.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider incorporating more explicit linking phrases between points. For example, when transitioning from the discussion of economic gain to the impact on cultural practices, a phrase like "This economic motivation not only alters traditions but also…" could strengthen the connection. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the prompt, which aids in maintaining clarity. The first body paragraph discusses reasons for the loss of cultural traditions, while the second addresses potential solutions, showcasing a clear division of ideas.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from a more varied structure within paragraphs. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on government regulations and the other on sustainable tourism practices. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution and provide a clearer structure for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "furthermore," and "to begin with," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easier to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives to "for example," such as "for instance" or "to illustrate," can add variety. Additionally, employing contrastive devices like "however" or "on the other hand" when discussing opposing viewpoints or potential drawbacks of tourism could enhance the complexity of the argument and demonstrate a more sophisticated use of cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, with clear logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively conveying complex ideas related to cultural traditions and tourism. Phrases such as "commercialization at tourist sites," "economic gain," and "cultural heritage" showcase the writer’s ability to use topic-specific vocabulary appropriately. Additionally, expressions like "tourist-friendly schedule" and "sustainable tourism practices" illustrate a nuanced understanding of the subject matter.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource further, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "cultural traditions" multiple times, alternatives like "cultural practices" or "heritage customs" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "commodification" instead of "commercialization," could enhance the essay’s academic tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a high degree of precision. Terms like "authenticity," "sacred items," and "detrimental" are appropriately chosen and convey the intended meaning effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "adapted or altered" could be seen as somewhat vague; specifying how traditions are adapted (e.g., "simplified" or "commercialized") would provide clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify the vocabulary used. For instance, instead of saying "local traditions and practices are often adapted," the writer could specify, "local traditions and practices are often commercialized or oversimplified." This would enhance clarity and ensure that the reader fully grasps the nuances of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors present. Words such as "commercialization," "authenticity," and "preservation" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s proficiency in written English.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling complex vocabulary, particularly those related to the topic of cultural heritage and tourism. Engaging in activities such as reading academic articles or writing practice essays can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with less common terms.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 8. To further enhance this score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling already achieved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "As a result, local traditions and practices are often adapted or altered to meet tourists’ expectations" effectively conveys cause-and-effect relationships. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain clarity and coherence. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "This ignorance may cause customs to be simplified or changed in order to appeal to tourists" could be restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varied introductory phrases. For instance, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can enhance the sophistication of your writing. Instead of repeating similar structures, try to integrate different forms, such as questions or exclamatory sentences, to engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "and erodes the authenticity of these traditions" should be revised to "which erodes the authenticity of these traditions" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, there is a missing comma after "To begin with" in the sentence "To begin with governments and tourism boards should enforce regulations…" which affects the clarity of the sentence. Overall, punctuation is mostly accurate, but attention to detail is necessary to eliminate these minor issues.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in conjunctions and punctuation. Familiarize yourself with the rules surrounding comma usage, especially in introductory phrases and clauses. Additionally, practicing writing more complex sentences can help solidify your understanding of grammatical structures and improve overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that in many places around the world, commercialization at tourist sites results in the loss of cultural practices. There are several reasons for this trend, and various solutions should be adopted to tackle it.

One reason cultural traditions are compromised is the pursuit of economic gain. Tourism can significantly boost a country’s economy. As a result, local traditions and practices are frequently modified or altered to meet tourists’ expectations. For example, traditional ceremonies might be shortened to fit into a tourist-friendly schedule, losing their original essence. Furthermore, the commercial exploitation of cultural artifacts, where sacred items are commodified as souvenirs, erodes the authenticity of these traditions. Another reason is that tourists often do not understand the real meaning of the cultural traditions they are seeing. This lack of understanding may lead to the simplification or alteration of customs in order to appeal to tourists, which could be detrimental to the cultural heritage.

To address this issue, several measures can be taken. To begin with, governments and tourism boards should enforce regulations that protect cultural heritage. This could include limiting the number of tourists allowed to visit certain sites or participate in cultural events. Moreover, there should be guidelines on how cultural traditions are presented to ensure they remain authentic and respectful. Additionally, sustainable tourism practices should be promoted. This includes encouraging eco-friendly tourism and supporting local businesses that prioritize cultural preservation over profit. By promoting a tourism model that prioritizes cultural heritage, we can ensure that traditions are maintained for future generations.

In summary, there are various reasons for the loss of cultural identity in several countries. By balancing economic benefits and cultural preservation, countries can protect their heritage while still enjoying the rewards of a thriving tourism industry.