The provided map showcases the existing layout of a town and presents proposed future plan for its development

The diagrams illustrate the alteration of an urban area between the present time and the future period.
Overall, the most significant transformation can be seen in the expansion of the transport system while other infrastructure will be preserved over the years.
At the moment, there is a route named A2 located on the right hand of the map, which relates to a roundabout leading the way to an airport on the northside of the picture. Additionally, another branch of this traffic circle is a road driving to the southest town center associated with a built-up area surrounding the ring road intersecting with a railway, while a gas station is in the vicinity of the crossroad.
In the future, the proposed plan indicates the appearance of A4 road connecting to the A2 line to the left and the town center on the right side. Apart from that, the intersection of the level crossing will be reconstructed to become the second roundabout. Moreover, the airfield will be replaced to make room for an industrial estate as a junction between the A2 road and the railway.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagrams illustrate the alteration of an urban area" -> "The diagrams depict the transformation of an urban area"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in this context, focusing on the visual representation of the changes. "Transformation" is also more specific than "alteration," which can imply a broader, less structured change.
"the most significant transformation can be seen" -> "the most notable changes are evident"
Explanation: "Notable" is more specific and academically appropriate than "significant," which can be vague. "Are evident" is a more formal expression than "can be seen," aligning better with academic style.
"the expansion of the transport system" -> "the expansion of the transportation infrastructure"
Explanation: "Transportation infrastructure" is a more precise term that encompasses not only roads but also other aspects of transportation systems, such as railways and airports.
"there is a route named A2" -> "Route A2 is present"
Explanation: "Is present" is a more formal and concise way to describe the existence of the route, avoiding the informal tone of "there is."
"on the right hand of the map" -> "on the right side of the map"
Explanation: "Right side" is a more standard and formal term than "right hand," which can be seen as colloquial.
"leading the way to an airport on the northside" -> "directing traffic to the airport located in the northern part"
Explanation: "Directing traffic" is a more precise term than "leading the way," and "located in the northern part" is clearer and more formal than "on the northside."
"the southest town center" -> "the southeastern town center"
Explanation: "Southeastern" is the correct directional term, whereas "southest" is not a standard term.
"a built-up area surrounding the ring road intersecting with a railway" -> "a developed area surrounding the ring road, which intersects with a railway"
Explanation: "Developed area" is more specific and formal than "built-up area," and adding "which intersects" clarifies the relationship between the ring road and the railway.
"a gas station is in the vicinity of the crossroad" -> "a gas station is situated near the intersection"
Explanation: "Situated near the intersection" is more formal and precise than "in the vicinity of the crossroad."
"the proposed plan indicates the appearance of A4 road" -> "the proposed plan reveals the introduction of A4 road"
Explanation: "Reveals the introduction of" is more specific and formal than "indicates the appearance of," which is less precise.
"the airfield will be replaced" -> "the airfield will be converted"
Explanation: "Converted" is a more specific term that implies a transformation of the airfield into something else, whereas "replaced" could suggest removal without replacement.
"to make room for an industrial estate" -> "to accommodate an industrial estate"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more formal and precise term than "make room for," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the town, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages of the development. The essay also does not fully extend the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay mentions that the airfield will be replaced to make room for an industrial estate, but it does not provide any details about the size or location of the industrial estate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages of the development. The essay could also be improved by providing more details about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more details about the size and location of the industrial estate. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the intersection of the level crossing will be reconstructed to become the second roundabout," the essay could say "the level crossing will be replaced with a roundabout."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the current layout to the proposed changes. However, while there is some effective use of cohesive devices, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 by arranging information coherently with a clear progression but lacks the sophistication and precision needed for higher bands.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and ideas. For example, instead of repeating "road" or "intersection," consider using synonyms or referring back to previously mentioned elements more effectively.
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that related ideas are grouped together. This will help in presenting a more logical structure.
Clarify References: Make sure that all references are clear and unambiguous. For instance, when mentioning "the airfield," it could be clearer if it is explicitly stated that it refers to the airport mentioned earlier.
Vary Sentence Structure: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance readability and engagement. This will also help in demonstrating a range of language skills.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms such as "alteration," "transport system," "roundabout," and "industrial estate." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are not always accurate, such as "southest" instead of "southeast," which indicates some inaccuracy in word choice. Additionally, there are a few errors in spelling, such as "southest," which do not impede overall communication but may distract the reader. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but the occasional inaccuracies and errors in word formation limit the score to a Band 6.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further and ensuring the accurate use of less common lexical items. Practicing synonyms and collocations could help in achieving more precise meanings. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors before submission can significantly improve clarity and professionalism in the writing. Engaging with a wider range of academic texts can also provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy of these attempts varies, leading to some confusion in meaning. For example, phrases like "southest town center" contain spelling errors that detract from clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the presence of errors and occasional awkward phrasing indicates that it does not meet the criteria for a higher band score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be accomplished by proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors, as well as practicing the construction of more complex sentences. Additionally, ensuring that all terms are used correctly and consistently will improve clarity and coherence. Engaging in exercises that target specific grammatical structures can also help in achieving greater flexibility and accuracy in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the alteration of an urban area between the present time and a future period. Overall, the most significant transformation can be seen in the expansion of the transport system, while other infrastructure will be preserved over the years.

At present, there is a route named A2 located on the right-hand side of the map, which connects to a roundabout leading to an airport on the north side of the picture. Additionally, another branch of this traffic circle is a road heading to the southeast town center, associated with a built-up area surrounding the ring road that intersects with a railway, while a gas station is situated in the vicinity of the crossroad.

In the future, the proposed plan indicates the introduction of the A4 road, connecting to the A2 line on the left and the town center on the right side. Furthermore, the intersection at the level crossing will be reconstructed to become a second roundabout. Moreover, the airfield will be replaced to make room for an industrial estate, serving as a junction between the A2 road and the railway.