In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move out of large cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

In certain countries, governments are inspiring manufactories and businesses to migrate out of the metropolitans to the countryside. This essay would argue that the drawbacks of this trend are more significant than the benefits
On the positive side, moving to the countryside away the business can help factories lower operating costs due to cheaper rent. For example, renting an accommodation is too expensive extravagant in a metropolis, whereas moving somewhere in remote areas is much more affordable but the their jobs are still paid off enough to cover living their costs. Another aspect is that it motivates local people to apply for remote jobs. To be more specific, unemployment keeps increasing in rural area so moving businesses out of the cities can not only cause the decline of unemployment but also climbs local living standards. Obviously, moving industries to regional areas is able to increase the funds for the company and reduce unemployment. Nevertheless, its advantages are less nothing compared to the disadvantages.
On the negative side, relocating the business is a huge limit for skilled workers. In more detail, the small population and a lack of conditions make these workers refuse to migrate and leave their families. Unwillingness is a prime example of this situation. Due to missing their families, the low salaries and difficult conditions, they do not don’t want to live in rural areas there. Additionally, mountainous areas are mostly poor in infrastructures. The reason is that it is ’s less developed compared to other areas in crowded cities. Moreover, even though it is ’s considered as the location for the source of raw materials, the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban. For instance, it’s more difficult to use water, electrical power, bad roads and so much more. It seems that lacking infrastructures or less qualified workers leads to the rise of unemployment and slow economic growth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"manufactories" -> "manufacturing facilities"
Explanation: "Manufactories" is not a commonly used term in modern English. "Manufacturing facilities" is more precise and widely accepted in formal academic writing.
"migrate out of the metropolitans" -> "relocate from metropolitan areas"
Explanation: "Metropolitans" is not the correct term; "metropolitan areas" is the appropriate phrase to refer to cities or urban regions. "Relocate" is also more formal than "migrate" in this context.
"away the business" -> "away from the businesses"
Explanation: "Away the business" is grammatically incorrect. "Away from the businesses" corrects the preposition and pluralizes "business" to match the context.
"too expensive extravagant" -> "too expensive and extravagant"
Explanation: "Too expensive extravagant" is grammatically incorrect. Adding "and" corrects the phrase to "too expensive and extravagant," making it grammatically correct and clearer.
"the their jobs are still paid off enough to cover living their costs" -> "their jobs still provide sufficient income to cover their living costs"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"motivates local people to apply for remote jobs" -> "encourages local residents to seek employment in remote areas"
Explanation: "Motivates" is somewhat informal and vague; "encourages" is more precise and formal. "Local people" is less formal than "local residents," and "apply for remote jobs" is less specific than "seek employment in remote areas."
"unemployment keeps increasing in rural area" -> "unemployment rates continue to rise in rural areas"
Explanation: "Unemployment keeps increasing" is informal and lacks specificity. "Unemployment rates continue to rise" is more precise and formal, and "rural area" should be pluralized to "rural areas" for grammatical correctness.
"climbs local living standards" -> "improve local living standards"
Explanation: "Climbs" is an incorrect verb choice here; "improve" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating a positive change in living standards.
"huge limit for skilled workers" -> "significant barrier for skilled workers"
Explanation: "Huge limit" is an informal and imprecise phrase. "Significant barrier" is more formal and accurately describes the challenge faced by skilled workers.
"the small population and a lack of conditions" -> "the limited population and inadequate conditions"
Explanation: "A lack of conditions" is vague and unclear. "Inadequate conditions" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"do not don’t want to live" -> "do not wish to reside"
Explanation: "Do not don’t want" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Do not wish to reside" corrects the grammar and uses more formal language.
"it’s less developed compared to other areas in crowded cities" -> "it is less developed compared to other areas in densely populated cities"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be "it is" for formal writing. "Crowded cities" is less precise than "densely populated cities," which is more specific and formal.
"the rural cannot make better use of resources" -> "rural areas cannot effectively utilize resources"
Explanation: "The rural" is grammatically incorrect; "rural areas" is the correct term. "Make better use of" is somewhat informal; "effectively utilize" is more precise and formal.
"bad roads and so much more" -> "poor infrastructure and numerous other challenges"
Explanation: "Bad roads and so much more" is informal and vague. "Poor infrastructure and numerous other challenges" is more specific and formal, providing a clearer description of the difficulties faced.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving industries from large cities to regional areas. The author presents arguments for both sides, noting the potential for reduced operating costs and increased local employment as benefits, while highlighting the challenges of skilled worker relocation and inadequate infrastructure as drawbacks. However, the essay primarily emphasizes the disadvantages, stating that they outweigh the advantages, which aligns with the task requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide a more balanced exploration of both sides. This could involve elaborating on the advantages with specific examples and data, as well as acknowledging any potential counterarguments to the disadvantages. Additionally, a clearer conclusion summarizing the overall assessment of the advantages versus disadvantages would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay clearly states the author’s position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This position is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be more fluid, as the abrupt shift may confuse readers about the primary stance.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the author should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in focus. Additionally, reiterating the main position at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as cost savings and increased employment opportunities as benefits, and the challenges of skilled worker relocation and infrastructure as drawbacks. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions "low salaries" and "difficult conditions," these points could be further developed with examples or statistics to provide a stronger foundation for the arguments.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should aim to include more specific examples, case studies, or data that illustrate the points made. This could involve citing real-world instances of businesses that have relocated and the effects of such moves on local economies, thereby providing a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of relocating industries to regional areas. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, which may distract from the main points. For example, phrases like "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban" could be clearer and more directly related to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of the relocation. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding unnecessary jargon will help keep the essay clear and on topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would enhance overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in balancing the discussion, enhancing the support for ideas, and ensuring clarity throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the position that disadvantages outweigh advantages. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of lower operating costs to the impact on local employment could be smoother. The connection between these points is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse readers about how they relate to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one. For example, after discussing lower operating costs, explicitly link this to how it affects employment opportunities in rural areas, perhaps by stating, "Lower operating costs allow businesses to expand, which in turn creates more job opportunities for local residents."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the internal structure of some paragraphs lacks clarity. For instance, the second paragraph mixes multiple ideas without clear delineation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The transition between points is often abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of reading.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. For example, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could be split into two: one focusing on the challenges for skilled workers and another on infrastructure issues. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the positive side" and "Nevertheless," which help to signal shifts in argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are awkward or unclear. For instance, phrases like "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban" could be more effectively connected to previous points about infrastructure challenges.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, instead of saying "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban," you could say, "In contrast to urban areas, rural regions often struggle to utilize resources effectively due to inadequate infrastructure."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "manufactories," "metropolitans," and "unemployment." However, the use of some words appears somewhat limited or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "moving to the countryside" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, words like "accommodation" and "remote" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "move" or "migrate," alternatives like "relocate," "transfer," or "shift" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to economic impacts, such as "cost-efficiency," "regional development," or "urban-rural migration," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks of this trend are more significant than the benefits" could be more effectively articulated as "the disadvantages of this trend outweigh its advantages." Furthermore, the term "manufactories" is less commonly used and may confuse readers; "manufacturing industries" or "factories" would be clearer. The phrase "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban" is also vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that the chosen words fit the context appropriately is crucial. For instance, instead of "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban," a more precise statement could be "rural areas often lack the infrastructure to effectively utilize local resources compared to urban centers."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. For example, "metropolitans" should be "metropolises," "accommodation" is incorrectly used in context, and "infrastructures" should be "infrastructure." Additionally, phrases like "there" instead of "their" and "don’t" instead of "do not" indicate a lack of attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Practicing writing and reviewing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reading extensively can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage in context, which can enhance overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. While there are some complex sentences, such as "moving to the countryside away the business can help factories lower operating costs due to cheaper rent," the overall variety is insufficient. The use of simple and compound sentences is more prevalent, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging. For example, phrases like "the small population and a lack of conditions make these workers refuse to migrate" could be restructured for variety and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying the sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "moving" or "the," they could begin with adverbial clauses or introductory phrases. Additionally, using different conjunctions and relative clauses can help create more sophisticated sentence forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks of this trend are more significant than the benefits" is clear, but other sentences suffer from awkward constructions and errors, such as "the rural cannot make better use of resources than the urban," which lacks parallel structure. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the misuse of apostrophes in "it is ’s less developed" and "it’s considered as the location for the source of raw materials," which should be corrected to "it is less developed" and "it is considered the location for the source of raw materials," respectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the rules of subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of comparative structures. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should focus on the correct use of apostrophes, commas, and periods. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper punctuation and grammar usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In certain countries, governments are inspiring manufacturing facilities and businesses to migrate out of metropolitan areas to the countryside. This essay will argue that the drawbacks of this trend are more significant than the benefits.

On the positive side, moving to the countryside away from businesses can help factories lower operating costs due to cheaper rent. For example, renting accommodation is too expensive and extravagant in a metropolis, whereas moving to remote areas is much more affordable, and their jobs still provide sufficient income to cover their living costs. Another aspect is that it motivates local people to apply for remote jobs. To be more specific, unemployment continues to rise in rural areas, so moving businesses out of the cities can not only reduce unemployment but also improve local living standards. Obviously, relocating industries to regional areas can increase funds for companies and reduce unemployment. Nevertheless, its advantages are nothing compared to the disadvantages.

On the negative side, relocating businesses presents a significant barrier for skilled workers. In more detail, the limited population and inadequate conditions make these workers reluctant to migrate and leave their families. Unwillingness is a prime example of this situation. Due to missing their families, low salaries, and difficult conditions, they do not wish to reside in rural areas. Additionally, mountainous areas often suffer from poor infrastructure. The reason is that they are less developed compared to other areas in densely populated cities. Moreover, even though these areas are considered locations for the source of raw materials, rural areas cannot effectively utilize resources as urban areas do. For instance, it’s more difficult to access water, electrical power, and maintain good roads. It seems that a lack of infrastructure or less qualified workers leads to rising unemployment and slow economic growth.