the chart below give information about the UK’s steel industry from 1970 to 2000 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the chart below give information about the UK's steel industry from 1970 to 2000
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The given line graph illustrates the amount of steel demanded in the United Kingdom and the given chart demonstrates the number of employees working in the steel industry there from 1970 to 2000.
Overall, what is noticeable about the first chart is that the decrease of the million-ton of steel was registered in two categories, such as total and UK production, while there was an upward trend in the import. Additionally, the number of staff in this realm witnessed a significant decline over the period of 30 years.
Concerning the figure for steel needed in the UK from the 1970 to 2000, the amount of steel in total and UK production both experienced a similar trend. The million-ton of steel in total demand commenced at the highest point of 200, but subsequently declined slightly to roughly 160 in the first 10-year, before decreasing starkly to exactly 100 in 2000. Similarly, but to a lesser extent, a decrease of approximately 80 million tonnes of steel was witnessed in the sector UK production over the period of examined years. By contrast, the amount of steel from import initiated at the lowest mark of 25 million tonnes, but there was a negligible increase to roughly 50 million tonnes from 1970 to 1980, followed by a marked rise to the same figure with UK production, at nearly 60 million tonnes in 2000.
Turning to the chart scrutinized the number of employees working in Britain steel industry, the number of staff started at the highest point of 50 thousands, but subsequently fell insignificantly to exactly 40 thousands over the period of 10 years, before decreasing pronouncedly to roughly 25% in the remaining inspected years. The decline was registered in the amount of staff result from the decrease in British demand in steel and the swift increase in the amount of steel from import.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the given line graph" -> "the provided line graph"
   Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat casual and less specific in an academic context.

2. "the number of employees working in the steel industry there" -> "the number of employees employed in the steel industry in the UK"
   Explanation: Adding "in the UK" clarifies the location, and "employed" is more formal and precise than "working."

3. "what is noticeable about the first chart" -> "it is evident from the first chart"
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce observations, compared to "what is noticeable."

4. "the decrease of the million-ton of steel" -> "the decrease in steel production"
   Explanation: "The decrease in steel production" is clearer and more specific than "the decrease of the million-ton of steel," which is awkward and unclear.

5. "such as total and UK production" -> "including total and UK production"
   Explanation: "Including" is more precise and appropriate in academic writing, indicating that the categories are part of a broader set.

6. "the number of staff in this realm witnessed a significant decline" -> "the number of employees in this sector experienced a significant decline"
   Explanation: "Employees" is more specific and formal than "staff," and "sector" is more precise than "realm" in an economic context.

7. "over the period of 30 years" -> "over a period of 30 years"
   Explanation: "A" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the" in this context.

8. "Concerning the figure for steel needed in the UK from the 1970 to 2000" -> "Regarding the data on steel demand in the UK from 1970 to 2000"
   Explanation: "Regarding the data on steel demand" is more specific and formal, and "from 1970 to 2000" is more concise and clear.

9. "the million-ton of steel" -> "steel production"
   Explanation: "Steel production" is a more precise and formal term than "the million-ton of steel."

10. "starkly to exactly 100" -> "markedly to approximately 100"
    Explanation: "Markedly" is more academically appropriate than "starkly," which is less commonly used in formal writing. "Approximately" is also more precise than "exactly" when discussing estimates.

11. "approximately 80 million tonnes of steel was witnessed" -> "approximately 80 million tonnes of steel witnessed"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "was witnessed" to "witnessed" makes the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.

12. "scrutinized the number of employees working in Britain steel industry" -> "examined the number of employees in the British steel industry"
    Explanation: "Examined" is more precise and formal than "scrutinized," and "British" is the correct adjective form for "Britain."

13. "the decline was registered in the amount of staff result from" -> "the decline was attributed to a reduction in the number of staff"
    Explanation: "Attributed to" is more precise and formal than "registered in," and "reduction in the number of staff" is clearer and more grammatically correct than "the amount of staff result from."

14. "the swift increase in the amount of steel from import" -> "the rapid increase in steel imports"
    Explanation: "Steel imports" is a more direct and formal way to express the concept, and "rapid" is more commonly used in formal writing than "swift."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the charts, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "the amount of steel in total demand commenced at the highest point of 200, but subsequently declined slightly to roughly 160 in the first 10-year, before decreasing starkly to exactly 100 in 2000." This sentence is quite long and could be broken down into two or three shorter sentences. Additionally, the essay does not always make clear comparisons between the two charts. For example, the essay states that "The decline was registered in the amount of staff result from the decrease in British demand in steel and the swift increase in the amount of steel from import." This sentence is not very clear and could be improved by stating more explicitly how the two charts are related.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making the information more concise and by making clearer comparisons between the two charts. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "decreased slightly," the essay could say "decreased by 20%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. The writer attempts to organize the information logically, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear referencing that affect the overall clarity. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are moments where the cohesion feels mechanical or forced. Paragraphing is present, but the logical flow between paragraphs could be improved to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that cohesive devices are used more naturally. Additionally, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will help improve coherence. Avoiding repetition and ensuring that information is presented in a more structured manner will also contribute to a stronger overall essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "insignificantly," "pronouncedly," and "scrutinized," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the amount of steel from import initiated at the lowest mark." There are also several errors in spelling and word formation, such as "thousands" instead of "thousand" and "the amount of staff result from" instead of "the amount of staff resulted from." These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help improve the natural flow of language. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and awkward phrases can significantly enhance clarity. Engaging with a wider range of academic vocabulary and idiomatic expressions will also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the decrease of the million-ton of steel" and "the amount of steel from import initiated at the lowest mark" contain inaccuracies and could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, particularly with commas and sentence structure, which detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures while ensuring accuracy. Practice using subordinate clauses effectively to add depth to your sentences.
2. Focus on Clarity: Aim for clearer phrasing. For example, instead of "the decrease of the million-ton of steel," consider "the decrease in the demand for steel measured in million tons."
3. Proofread for Errors: Take time to carefully proofread your work to catch grammatical and punctuation errors. This will help ensure that your sentences are error-free and improve the overall readability of your essay.
4. Practice with Data Descriptions: Since this essay involves summarizing data, practice writing summaries of various charts and graphs to become more comfortable with the specific vocabulary and structures used in this context.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line graph illustrates the amount of steel demanded in the United Kingdom, while the accompanying chart demonstrates the number of employees working in the steel industry from 1970 to 2000.

Overall, it is noticeable that the total demand for steel and UK production both experienced a decline, whereas there was an upward trend in imports. Additionally, the number of staff in this sector witnessed a significant decrease over the 30-year period.

Regarding the figure for steel needed in the UK from 1970 to 2000, both total demand and UK production exhibited a similar trend. Total steel demand commenced at the highest point of 200 million tonnes but subsequently declined slightly to roughly 160 million tonnes in the first decade, before decreasing sharply to exactly 100 million tonnes in 2000. Similarly, UK production saw a decrease of approximately 80 million tonnes over the examined years, although this decline was less pronounced. In contrast, the amount of steel imported began at the lowest mark of 25 million tonnes, experiencing a negligible increase to roughly 50 million tonnes from 1970 to 1980, followed by a marked rise to nearly 60 million tonnes in 2000, aligning with UK production figures.

Turning to the chart that examines the number of employees in the British steel industry, the workforce started at the highest point of 50,000 but subsequently fell insignificantly to exactly 40,000 over the first decade, before decreasing significantly to roughly 25,000 in the remaining years. This decline in the workforce can be attributed to the decrease in domestic demand for steel and the rapid increase in imported steel.