The line graph below shows the consumption of 3 different types of fast food in Britain from 1970 to 1990. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the consumption of 3 different types of fast food in Britain from 1970 to 1990.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart showcases how much Britain used in three kinds of junk food over period 1970 and 1990 and this line chart measures by gram in each food.Overall,line chart had 3 tyle Hamburger,FIsh n chips,Pizza which have changed in 20 years.

Hamburgers were the lowest in 1970, about under 50 grams,then hamburgers increased 100 grams in 1980 and steadily that gram in five years but these dishes had rapidly become fast food which had consumption secondary in 1990. Near the trend which was increasing, Fish and Chips were gradual in the first 10 years climbing from under 100 grams to about 160 grams in 1980,after 1980 the consumption of Fish and chips sharply surged to a peak of about 500 grams in 1990.

Now we came to the Pizza the most favorite junk food by the UK in 1970 about 300 but moderate decline in 10 years to become around 210 grams in 1980, but this dishes had a little bit fluctuated by 10 grams in the 10 years from 1980 to 1990.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line chart showcases" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting a detailed representation, which is more appropriate than "showcases," which can imply a more dramatic presentation.
"used in three kinds of junk food" -> "consumption of three types of fast food"
Explanation: "Consumption of" is more specific and formal than "used in," and "types of fast food" is more precise than "kinds of junk food," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"over period 1970 and 1990" -> "over the period from 1970 to 1990"
Explanation: "Over the period from" is a more formal and accurate way to express the time span covered by the data, improving clarity and formality.
"measures by gram in each food" -> "measured in grams for each food"
Explanation: "Measured in grams for each food" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "measures by gram in each food."
"Overall,line chart had 3 tyle Hamburger,FIsh n chips,Pizza" -> "Overall, the line chart depicts three types: Hamburger, Fish and Chips, and Pizza"
Explanation: This correction addresses grammatical errors and informal spellings ("tyle" and "FIsh n chips"), and uses a more formal structure to describe the categories.
"which have changed in 20 years" -> "which have undergone significant changes over the past 20 years"
Explanation: "Undergone significant changes over the past 20 years" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"then hamburgers increased 100 grams in 1980" -> "hamburgers increased to 100 grams in 1980"
Explanation: Removing "then" and correcting the verb tense to "increased" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"these dishes had rapidly become fast food which had consumption secondary in 1990" -> "these dishes rapidly became fast food, with consumption ranking second in 1990"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the awkward and unclear original phrasing, making it more concise and formal.
"Fish and Chips were gradual in the first 10 years" -> "Fish and Chips exhibited a gradual increase over the first 10 years"
Explanation: "Exhibited a gradual increase" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and incorrect "were gradual."
"the most favorite junk food by the UK" -> "the most popular fast food in the UK"
Explanation: "Most popular fast food in the UK" corrects the informal "favorite" and "by" to "in," and uses "fast food" instead of "junk food" for a more neutral and formal tone.
"but moderate decline in 10 years to become around 210 grams in 1980" -> "but experienced a moderate decline over the next 10 years, reaching around 210 grams in 1980"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the timeline and adds "experienced," which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"but this dishes had a little bit fluctuated" -> "but this dish fluctuated slightly"
Explanation: "This dish fluctuated slightly" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "Hamburgers were the lowest in 1970, about under 50 grams" but does not mention that the consumption of hamburgers increased steadily over the 20-year period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on highlighting the key features of the graph, rather than providing detailed descriptions of each individual data point. For example, the essay could state that "The consumption of hamburgers increased steadily over the 20-year period, while the consumption of fish and chips increased sharply after 1980. The consumption of pizza declined in the early 1970s but remained relatively stable for the rest of the period."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the consumption of fast food in Britain, but it lacks clear overall progression and organization. While there is some attempt to describe trends in the data, the ideas are not arranged coherently, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to confusion. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, with ideas not clearly separated or logically structured.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that all information is presented logically and progressively will strengthen the overall structure of the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will improve the readability of the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the line graph, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "junk food" instead of "fast food," "dishes" instead of "types of food") and spelling (e.g., "FIsh n chips," "tyle"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Overall, the lexical resource does not sufficiently convey the necessary information with clarity and accuracy.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary, including more precise terms related to food consumption and trends. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and avoiding informal language (e.g., "n" instead of "and") will improve clarity. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to convey ideas more fluently and flexibly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. The use of vocabulary is also somewhat basic, and the overall coherence of the essay is affected by these errors. The essay attempts to convey information about the line graph but lacks clarity and precision in its expression.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
Grammar and Punctuation Practice: Review and practice common grammatical structures and punctuation rules to reduce errors. This includes subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and proper punctuation.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on organizing ideas more clearly and logically, ensuring that comparisons and trends are articulated effectively. Using linking words and phrases can help improve coherence.
Proofreading: Always proofread the essay to catch and correct any minor errors that may detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart showcases the consumption of three types of fast food in Britain over the period from 1970 to 1990, measured in grams for each food type. Overall, the line chart features three types: Hamburgers, Fish and Chips, and Pizza, which changed over the 20 years.

Hamburgers had the lowest consumption in 1970, at just under 50 grams. This figure increased to 100 grams by 1980 and remained steady for the next five years. By 1990, hamburgers had rapidly become the second most consumed fast food. In a similar upward trend, Fish and Chips showed gradual growth in the first ten years, rising from under 100 grams to about 160 grams in 1980. After 1980, the consumption of Fish and Chips sharply surged to a peak of about 500 grams in 1990.

Now, turning to Pizza, which was the most popular fast food in the UK in 1970, consumption started at around 300 grams. However, there was a moderate decline over the next ten years, dropping to approximately 210 grams in 1980. From 1980 to 1990, this dish fluctuated slightly, with a change of about 10 grams during that decade.