The charts below show agricultural production in two different regions of the country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show agricultural production in two different regions of the country.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two given pie charts illustrate the proportion of farming production in four categories, which include vegetable, dairy, meat, and grain.

Overall, in the eastern region, while the amount of produced meat held the largest, the least proportion was grain. By contrast, in western region, grain occupied the biggest.

Both the East and the West produced the same amount of meat, accounting for 35% of the total. Furthermore, the most noteworthy number for grain from the West was 45%, more than twice as high as that from the East, which was 15%.

Conversely, the East produced 30% of the dairy, whereas the West generated far less dairy roughly 15% than the East. Similarly, the Eastern region had 20% of its total calories come from veggies, whereas the Western region had far less, at 5%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The two given pie charts illustrate" -> "The two provided pie charts illustrate"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"four categories, which include vegetable, dairy, meat, and grain" -> "four categories: vegetables, dairy products, meat, and grains"
Explanation: Using "vegetables" instead of "vegetable" corrects the plural form, and "dairy products" and "grains" are more precise terms than the simpler "dairy" and "grain."
"the least proportion was grain" -> "the smallest proportion was for grain production"
Explanation: "The smallest proportion was for grain" clarifies that the proportion refers to the production of grain, enhancing the sentence’s specificity.
"By contrast, in western region, grain occupied the biggest" -> "In contrast, in the Western region, grain production was the largest"
Explanation: "In contrast" is the correct preposition, and "the largest" is more formal than "the biggest." Additionally, "the Western region" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific geographic area.
"the same amount of meat" -> "an equal amount of meat"
Explanation: "An equal amount" is more formal and precise than "the same amount," which can be vague in this context.
"more than twice as high as that from the East" -> "more than twice the proportion of that in the East"
Explanation: "More than twice the proportion of that in the East" is more precise and formal, specifying the comparison is to proportions rather than amounts.
"the East produced 30% of the dairy" -> "the East accounted for 30% of dairy production"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more formal expression than "produced," and specifying "dairy production" clarifies what is being measured.
"far less dairy roughly 15% than the East" -> "significantly less dairy, approximately 15%, than the East"
Explanation: "Significantly less" and "approximately" provide a more formal and precise description of the difference, replacing the informal "far less" and "roughly."
"the Eastern region had 20% of its total calories come from veggies" -> "the Eastern region derived 20% of its total calories from vegetables"
Explanation: "Derived" is more precise than "had come from," and "vegetables" should be used instead of "veggies" for formality.
"had far less, at 5%" -> "had significantly less, at approximately 5%"
Explanation: "Significantly less" and "approximately" are more formal and precise than "far less" and "5%," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the charts, including the proportions of different agricultural products in each region. The essay also makes some comparisons between the two regions. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and bullet points. For example, the essay states that the Western region produced more grain than the Eastern region, but it does not provide any specific details about the difference in production.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features and bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the Western region produced three times as much grain as the Eastern region. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the two regions. For example, the essay could state that the Eastern region produced twice as much dairy as the Western region.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the comparisons made between the two regions. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and the referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logically structured, as some comparisons are made within the same paragraph rather than being distinctly separated.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Additionally, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the comparison would improve clarity. For example, one paragraph could discuss meat production, another could focus on dairy, and so on, allowing for clearer progression and referencing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms such as "proportion," "produced," "accounting for," and "noteworthy." However, it attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "generated," but does so with some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation (e.g., "generated far less dairy" is awkward). There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "roughly 15% than the East," which could be clearer. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for communication, it lacks the precision and sophistication required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision. This includes selecting more appropriate synonyms and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, practicing the use of less common lexical items in context can help improve fluency and flexibility. Reducing errors in spelling and word formation will also contribute to a higher score. Engaging with a variety of texts can help expand vocabulary and improve understanding of nuanced meanings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some sentences being error-free. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "in western region" should be "in the western region," and "the least proportion was grain" could be more clearly stated as "the smallest proportion was grain." Overall, while the essay communicates the main features of the charts, the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional lack of clarity prevent it from achieving a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors, particularly with articles and prepositions.
Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer phrasing to avoid ambiguity in comparisons and descriptions. For instance, rephrasing sentences for better flow and coherence can significantly improve readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two given pie charts illustrate the proportion of agricultural production in four categories: vegetables, dairy, meat, and grain.

Overall, in the eastern region, the largest proportion of production was meat, while grain accounted for the smallest share. By contrast, in the western region, grain occupied the largest proportion.

Both the East and the West produced the same amount of meat, which accounted for 35% of the total. Furthermore, the most noteworthy figure for grain from the West was 45%, more than twice as high as that from the East, which was 15%.

Conversely, the East produced 30% of its total output in dairy, whereas the West generated significantly less, at roughly 15%. Similarly, the Eastern region had 20% of its total calories coming from vegetables, whereas the Western region had a much smaller share, at 5%.