In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

In some countries, small town-center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

In the contemporary era, the issue of shopping destinations has ignited an intense debate. A segment of commentators holds a firm conviction that the reduction of small businesses located in the heart of urban areas, hence the tendency of consumers to buy in larger stores placed in the outskirts. This could lead to an obstacle for individuals not possessing personal vehicles, which would bring about an increase in car ownership. From my perspective, the demerits of this phenomenon have outbalanced its merits.

From a comprehensive view, there are numerous reasons why proponents believe shopping in suburban shops is able to bring more benefits. First of all, affordable prices in the outskirts are probably the primary reason lots of individuals go for it. To elucidate this point, the rental cost and capacity storage of stores in suburbs surpass their counterparts in the center, making the prices of their products accessible to customers with ease. Another point to be considered is that these shops settled outside of the city could have wilder options compared to central ones. Hence, it has larger exhibition places because of its size, which could create a comfortable ambience, with positive emotions because of the atmosphere consumers probably make their buying decisions faster.

Despite the advantages above, this phenomenon still remains many potential harms to societal development. Firstly, it directly affects the central commercial areas which can not compete with their rivals in the suburbs. This is because the centers usually attract diverse customers to shopping, making their rents significantly higher than stores in the outskirts. For instance, a survey was conducted by the labor ministry of Vietnam recording the cost for rent in the central districts considerably more expensive than suburban shops, ranging from two to ten times. This example could illustrate the adverse economic results if the central shop was closed because of the shift of customers' shopping tendency to outside urban stores. Moreover, the dependency of cars should be aware, which can become culprits of traffic congestion and greenhouse emissions. Theoretically, if more individuals owned more cars because of their need of commuting to shopping destinations, the increase of traffic flows and carbon emissions would be inevitable. Therefore these would pose serious threats on society and the environment.

In conclusion, the issue of locations of commercial areas and their impacts have sparked a heated debate which raises strong passion on both sides of the argument. From my point of view, the trend of shopping in the suburban retails has a potential negative impacts on the development of society, which is not able to overshadow its positive impacts.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "shopping destinations" -> "shopping locations"
   Explanation: "Shopping destinations" is a less common and slightly informal term. "Shopping locations" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.

2. "ignited an intense debate" -> "stimulated a vigorous debate"
   Explanation: "Ignited" can imply a sudden, intense, and often negative reaction, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Stimulated" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the initiation of a discussion.

3. "holds a firm conviction" -> "firmly believes"
   Explanation: "Holds a firm conviction" is slightly redundant. "Firmly believes" is more concise and maintains the intended meaning.

4. "tendency of consumers to buy" -> "tendency for consumers to purchase"
   Explanation: "Buy" is less formal than "purchase," which is preferred in academic writing for discussing economic activities.

5. "an obstacle for individuals not possessing personal vehicles" -> "a barrier for individuals without personal vehicles"
   Explanation: "An obstacle" is somewhat vague; "a barrier" is more specific and appropriate for describing challenges in this context.

6. "outbalanced its merits" -> "outweighs its benefits"
   Explanation: "Outbalanced" is not a standard term; "outweighs" is the correct verb form for comparing the relative importance of advantages and disadvantages.

7. "From a comprehensive view" -> "From a comprehensive perspective"
   Explanation: "View" is less formal and less precise than "perspective," which is commonly used in academic writing to denote a broader, more considered viewpoint.

8. "probably the primary reason" -> "the primary reason"
   Explanation: "Probably" is unnecessary and informal; "the primary reason" is direct and assertive, suitable for academic writing.

9. "lots of individuals" -> "many individuals"
   Explanation: "Lots of" is informal and vague; "many" is more precise and formal.

10. "settled outside of the city" -> "located outside the city"
    Explanation: "Settled" is not the correct term for describing the placement of businesses; "located" is the appropriate verb.

11. "wilder options" -> "broader options"
    Explanation: "Wilder" is not the correct adjective for describing the variety of choices; "broader" is the correct term for indicating a wider range of options.

12. "could create a comfortable ambience" -> "can create a comfortable atmosphere"
    Explanation: "Ambience" is less commonly used in formal writing; "atmosphere" is the standard term for describing the emotional quality of a place.

13. "positive emotions because of the atmosphere" -> "positive emotions due to the atmosphere"
    Explanation: "Because of" is less formal than "due to," which is preferred in academic writing for causal relationships.

14. "culprits of traffic congestion" -> "contributors to traffic congestion"
    Explanation: "Culprits" implies blame, which is not the intended meaning here. "Contributors" is neutral and appropriate for describing the role of factors in a phenomenon.

15. "should be aware" -> "should be considered"
    Explanation: "Should be aware" is informal and vague; "should be considered" is more formal and precise.

16. "not able to overshadow its positive impacts" -> "cannot outweigh its positive impacts"
    Explanation: "Not able to overshadow" is awkward and less formal; "cannot outweigh" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in out-of-town stores. The author acknowledges the benefits such as lower prices and a wider selection of products, while also highlighting the drawbacks, including the impact on small businesses in town centers and the environmental concerns related to increased car usage. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the specific advantages and disadvantages in a more organized manner, which would enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure that distinctly separates the advantages and disadvantages. This could involve using headings or transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument, ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which is consistently maintained throughout the essay. Phrases like "from my perspective" and "despite the advantages above" reinforce this stance. However, the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the main argument, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the position by introducing phrases like "which raises strong passion on both sides."
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the conclusion should restate the thesis more forcefully. The author could summarize the key points that support their stance and explicitly state why the disadvantages prevail over the advantages, reinforcing the argument’s strength.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic impact on town-center shops and environmental concerns. These ideas are generally well-supported with examples, such as the survey conducted in Vietnam regarding rental costs. However, some points could be further elaborated. For instance, the discussion on the emotional benefits of shopping in suburban stores lacks depth and could be better supported with more concrete examples or data.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Including statistics, studies, or real-world examples can strengthen the argument and provide a more compelling case for the disadvantages of suburban shopping.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of shopping trends on small businesses and car dependency. However, there are a few instances where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "positive emotions" related to shopping in suburban stores feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument regarding societal impacts.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that all points directly relate to the advantages or disadvantages of the shopping trend as outlined in the prompt. It may help to create an outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying into less relevant territory.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, improvements in structure, elaboration of ideas, and maintaining focus will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of suburban shopping to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The argument about the benefits of suburban shops is not fully developed before moving on to the drawbacks. This can confuse the reader about the main focus of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully explained before transitioning to the next. For example, after discussing the benefits of suburban shopping, a concluding sentence summarizing those points before moving to the disadvantages could help reinforce the argument’s structure.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph, which discusses the disadvantages, could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the economic impact on central shops and the other on environmental concerns. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each tackle a single idea. For instance, after discussing the economic impacts, a new paragraph could begin with the environmental consequences of increased car dependency. This not only clarifies the argument but also allows for more detailed analysis.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "despite," and "moreover," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel mechanical rather than natural. For example, phrases like "this could illustrate" and "theoretically" could be varied to enhance fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "first of all," consider alternatives like "to begin with" or "initially." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast or addition, such as "on the other hand" or "furthermore," can help create smoother transitions between ideas. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and clarity of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "intense debate," "demerits," "affordable prices," and "traffic congestion." These choices reflect an ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "larger exhibition places" could be replaced with "more expansive display areas" for greater precision and variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "shops," consider using "retailers," "stores," or "outlets" to avoid redundancy. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can help in this regard.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "obstacle" and "affordable prices." However, there are moments of imprecision that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the dependency of cars should be aware" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased to "the dependency on cars should be acknowledged." Additionally, "wilder options" is vague and could be better articulated as "a wider variety of options."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. When using complex terms, ensure that they accurately convey the intended meaning. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding how to use vocabulary more precisely. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity can also aid in improving this aspect.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors, such as "its merits" instead of "their merits" in the context of plural subjects. The phrase "which can not compete" should be corrected to "which cannot compete," as it is a common spelling error.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, looking specifically for common errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing and revising essays can help reinforce correct spelling over time.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "In the contemporary era, the issue of shopping destinations has ignited an intense debate." However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, phrases like "the tendency of consumers to buy in larger stores placed in the outskirts" could be restructured for clarity and impact. Additionally, the use of passive voice is limited, which could enhance the variety of sentence forms.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and use passive constructions where appropriate. For example, instead of saying, "the rental cost and capacity storage of stores in suburbs surpass their counterparts in the center," the writer could say, "the rental costs and storage capacities of suburban stores, which often surpass those of central stores, contribute significantly to lower prices." This not only varies the structure but also enhances clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "which can not compete with their rivals in the suburbs" should be "which cannot compete with their rivals in the suburbs." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "the dependency of cars should be aware," affect readability. The phrase should read, "the dependency on cars should be acknowledged." Furthermore, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the trend of shopping in the suburban retails," where "retails" should simply be "retail."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with contractions (e.g., "cannot" instead of "can not") and prepositions (e.g., "dependency on" instead of "dependency of"). Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, will help improve clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also aid in identifying and correcting these issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision will further elevate the writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, the issue of shopping destinations has ignited an intense debate. A segment of commentators firmly believes that the reduction of small businesses located in the heart of urban areas has led to a tendency for consumers to buy in larger stores situated in the outskirts. This could create a barrier for individuals without personal vehicles, which would bring about an increase in car ownership. From my perspective, the demerits of this phenomenon outweigh its merits.

From a comprehensive perspective, there are numerous reasons why proponents believe shopping in suburban shops can bring more benefits. First of all, affordable prices in the outskirts are probably the primary reason many individuals choose them. To elucidate this point, the rental costs and storage capacity of stores in the suburbs surpass those of their counterparts in the center, making the prices of their products accessible to customers with ease. Another point to be considered is that these shops located outside the city could offer broader options compared to central ones. Hence, they have larger exhibition spaces because of their size, which can create a comfortable atmosphere, leading to positive emotions due to the atmosphere and allowing consumers to make their buying decisions faster.

Despite the advantages mentioned above, this phenomenon still poses many potential harms to societal development. Firstly, it directly affects the central commercial areas, which cannot compete with their rivals in the suburbs. This is because the centers usually attract diverse customers to shopping, making their rents significantly higher than those of stores in the outskirts. For instance, a survey conducted by the labor ministry of Vietnam recorded that the cost of rent in the central districts is considerably more expensive than that of suburban shops, ranging from two to ten times. This example illustrates the adverse economic results if central shops close due to the shift in customers’ shopping tendencies to out-of-town stores. Moreover, the dependency on cars should be considered, as they can become contributors to traffic congestion and greenhouse emissions. Theoretically, if more individuals own more cars because of their need to commute to shopping destinations, the increase in traffic flow and carbon emissions would be inevitable. Therefore, these would pose serious threats to society and the environment.

In conclusion, the issue of the locations of commercial areas and their impacts has sparked a heated debate that raises strong passions on both sides of the argument. From my point of view, the trend of shopping in suburban retail has potential negative impacts on the development of society, which cannot outweigh its positive impacts.