In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?

Today in many parts of the world, there has been a growing trend among the young toward leaving their parents to study and work in another place. Although this trend is not without drawbacks for the whole family, youngsters benefit tremendously from this move.

Living away from their parents is of great benefit for youngsters for a number of reasons. One of the upsides is that students can be more mature. This is because they have to take care of themselves in their daily life, such as cooking or washing dishes, which makes them become a more responsible spouse in the future when they get married. Furthermore, young adults leading an independent life away from their family have to manage their own financial budgets. For example, they may peruse a good or service carefully before purchasing since they have numerous spending to consider, such as accommodation rentals and daily personal expenses.

However, those who decide to live apart from their home should anticipate some potential problems. First, if youngsters and their parents live in different locations, they are less likely to meet each other. This widens the gap inherent between them. Second, since young people living far from their family often lack their parental care and close supervision; they are vulnerable to negative influences from their peers, even committing crimes. Consequently, juvenile delinquency is on the increase in many major cities due to the trend.

In conclusion, while there are some downsides when it comes to young adults living far from their family to study and work, its upsides are far more significant and thus the young should be free to decide when to reside as long as their parents have to keep a close bond with them by having open conversations with them online or in person.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Today in many parts of the world" -> "Currently, in various regions worldwide"
Explanation: "Currently, in various regions worldwide" provides a more precise and formal temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone and geographical specificity.
"youngsters" -> "young adults"
Explanation: "Young adults" is a more formal and specific term than "youngsters," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"tremendously" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more academically appropriate than "tremendously," which can sound overly emotional and less precise.
"take care of themselves" -> "assume responsibility for their daily needs"
Explanation: "Assume responsibility for their daily needs" is more formal and specific, avoiding the colloquialism of "take care of themselves."
"a more responsible spouse" -> "increased responsibility in their future roles as spouses"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that the increased responsibility is not limited to a single aspect but encompasses various aspects of their future roles as spouses.
"manage their own financial budgets" -> "manage their financial resources"
Explanation: "Manage their financial resources" is a more precise and formal way to describe financial management, avoiding the colloquial "budgets."
"peruse a good or service carefully" -> "carefully consider purchasing a product or service"
Explanation: "Carefully consider purchasing a product or service" is clearer and more formal than "peruse a good or service," which is awkward and unclear.
"have numerous spending to consider" -> "have numerous expenses to consider"
Explanation: "Expenses" is the correct term for financial outlays, whereas "spending" is too informal and vague for academic writing.
"widens the gap inherent between them" -> "widen the inherent gap between them"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense and using "widen" instead of "widens" maintains grammatical consistency and formality.
"juvenile delinquency is on the increase" -> "juvenile delinquency is increasing"
Explanation: "Is increasing" is a more formal and concise way to express ongoing trends, avoiding the passive voice.
"its upsides are far more significant" -> "the benefits are significantly greater"
Explanation: "The benefits are significantly greater" is more formal and avoids the possessive form "its," which can be confusing in this context.
"the young should be free to decide" -> "young adults should be permitted to make their own decisions"
Explanation: "Permitted to make their own decisions" is more formal and precise than "be free to decide," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"as long as their parents have to keep a close bond with them" -> "as long as they maintain a close relationship with their parents"
Explanation: "Maintain a close relationship" is more formal and precise than "keep a close bond," which is colloquial and less specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of young people leaving their parents’ homes. The author presents a clear argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which aligns well with the task requirements. The essay mentions benefits such as increased maturity and financial responsibility, while also acknowledging potential drawbacks like reduced family interaction and vulnerability to negative influences. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more balanced and detailed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the disadvantages could help to create a more nuanced argument, ensuring that both sides are given adequate attention.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend of young people leaving home has more advantages than disadvantages. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reiterates their viewpoint. The use of phrases like "its upsides are far more significant" reinforces this position effectively.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could explicitly state their thesis in the introduction, making it clear that they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Additionally, reinforcing this stance with more cohesive transitions between paragraphs could enhance the overall flow and clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of living independently, such as maturity and financial management. These ideas are extended with explanations and examples, which helps to substantiate the claims. However, the support for the disadvantages is less developed, with fewer examples and less elaboration on the potential negative impacts.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made, particularly regarding the disadvantages. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where young people might face negative influences or detailing how reduced family interaction can affect relationships would provide a more balanced and thorough exploration of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of young people leaving home. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "juvenile delinquency" could be more directly linked to the core argument about the disadvantages of living away from parents.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, the author should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the central question of whether the trend has more advantages or disadvantages. This could involve revising any tangential points and ensuring that every example and argument clearly ties back to the main thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the areas of balance, clarity, and depth of support, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The argument flows logically from the introduction to the conclusion. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of living independently, while the second body paragraph addresses the potential drawbacks. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," when moving from advantages to disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of independence, while the second addresses the drawbacks. However, the conclusion could be more clearly delineated as a separate paragraph to reinforce the overall structure.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly separated from the body of the essay. This can be achieved by starting a new paragraph for the conclusion and summarizing the main points more explicitly. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "this widens the gap inherent between them" lacks a clear antecedent, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "furthermore," "in contrast," and "as a result." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and that the antecedents are clear to avoid ambiguity. For example, explicitly stating "the gap in communication" instead of just "the gap" would clarify the point being made.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could help elevate the score further by enhancing clarity and logical flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "mature," "responsible spouse," and "juvenile delinquency" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. However, the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, phrases like "great benefit" and "potential problems" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions to enhance the essay’s depth.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of "great benefit," one might use "significant advantages" or "substantial benefits." Additionally, exploring academic vocabulary or idiomatic expressions related to independence and family dynamics could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "peruse a good or service carefully" is not entirely appropriate in this context; "peruse" typically means to read or examine something in detail, which does not fit with the idea of evaluating purchases. Furthermore, "numerous spending" is incorrect; the correct term would be "numerous expenses."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the chosen vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. In the case of "peruse," a more suitable word might be "evaluate" or "consider." Additionally, reviewing common collocations and phrases related to financial management could help avoid such inaccuracies.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a few spelling errors, such as "peruse" (which is correct but misused) and "numerous spending" (which should be "numerous expenses"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them before submitting an essay can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "This is because they have to take care of themselves in their daily life, such as cooking or washing dishes," which effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied to enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the writing. For instance, the sentence "Consequently, juvenile delinquency is on the increase in many major cities due to the trend" could be restructured to avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and to incorporate more varied transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases or clauses, and varying the placement of the subject and verb. For example, instead of starting consecutive sentences with "This" or "First," try beginning with an adverbial phrase or a dependent clause. Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses could add depth to the writing. For instance, instead of saying "young adults leading an independent life," you could say "young adults, who lead an independent life, often find themselves…"
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors that slightly detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "they may peruse a good or service carefully before purchasing" should use "goods or services" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the sentence "young people living far from their family often lack their parental care and close supervision; they are vulnerable to negative influences from their peers" contains a punctuation error; a comma should replace the semicolon to properly connect the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Practicing the correct use of punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will also help. Consider revisiting the rules for semicolons and commas, ensuring that they are used to connect ideas appropriately. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will elevate the writing to a higher proficiency level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, in many parts of the world, there has been a growing trend among young adults toward leaving their parents to study and work in another place. Although this trend is not without drawbacks for the whole family, youngsters benefit tremendously from this move.

Living away from their parents is of great benefit for young adults for a number of reasons. One of the upsides is that students can become more mature. This is because they have to take care of themselves in their daily lives, such as cooking or washing dishes, which helps them become more responsible spouses in the future when they get married. Furthermore, young adults leading an independent life away from their families have to manage their own financial resources. For example, they may carefully consider purchasing a good or service before buying since they have numerous expenses to consider, such as accommodation rentals and daily personal expenses.

However, those who decide to live apart from their homes should anticipate some potential problems. First, if young adults and their parents live in different locations, they are less likely to meet each other. This widens the inherent gap between them. Second, since young people living far from their families often lack parental care and close supervision, they are vulnerable to negative influences from their peers, even committing crimes. Consequently, juvenile delinquency is increasing in many major cities due to this trend.

In conclusion, while there are some downsides when it comes to young adults living far from their families to study and work, the benefits are significantly greater. Thus, young adults should be permitted to make their own decisions about where to reside, as long as they maintain a close relationship with their parents through open conversations online or in person.