Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write about 25

Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write about 25

There has been much controversy about whether virtual courses bring more benefits or drawbacks. In my opinion, allowing individual to study from the comfort from their home is more disadvantageous.

On one hand, Studying through internet-based courses provide flexibility and convenience. As they are available and these can be studied anywhere worldwide, such as some remote areas, which are inaccessible to universities far away from there. As a result, students, who choose to study online will be available to schedule their studies around other responsibilities. In addition, online courses help working adults or single moms or even disable people, who can not move to universities institutes and spend all of their time in there to assess quality education.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that the disadvantages are more significant. One advantages is that students can be distracted by studying at home. For instance, notifications from mobiles phones or noises from construction sites near by, which could cause to lack of focus and poorer academic performance especially with some who are easily to be distracted. . Furthermore, due to unavailable to engage in in-person conversation to completing cooperative tasks, such as group assignments or group revisions may be harder. Therefore, generating challenges for subjects that require collaboration.

In conclusion, Although online courses can help numerous number of people to approach to qualified education, such as people from remote areas or people who can not spend their whole time in university institutes. However, i strongly reckon that these bring more negative effects through these compelling reasons

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "There has been much controversy" -> "There has been considerable controversy"
   Explanation: "Considerable" is a more precise and formal term than "much," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

2. "allowing individual to study from the comfort from their home" -> "allowing individuals to study from the comfort of their homes"
   Explanation: "Individual" should be pluralized to "individuals" to match the context, and "from the comfort from their home" is grammatically incorrect; "from the comfort of their homes" corrects this and enhances the formality.

3. "more disadvantageous" -> "more detrimental"
   Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "disadvantageous," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

4. "Studying through internet-based courses provide flexibility and convenience" -> "Studying through internet-based courses provides flexibility and convenience"
   Explanation: The verb "provide" should be in the singular form "provides" to agree with the singular subject "course."

5. "available and these can be studied" -> "available and can be studied"
   Explanation: The phrase "these can be studied" is redundant and awkward; removing "these" simplifies and clarifies the sentence.

6. "universities far away from there" -> "universities located far from there"
   Explanation: "Located" is more precise and formal than "far away from," which is colloquial.

7. "students, who choose to study online will be available to schedule" -> "students who choose to study online can schedule"
   Explanation: "Will be available to schedule" is awkward and incorrect; "can schedule" is more direct and appropriate.

8. "online courses help working adults or single moms or even disable people" -> "online courses benefit working adults, single mothers, and individuals with disabilities"
   Explanation: "Benefit" is more formal than "help," and "single mothers" and "individuals with disabilities" are more precise and respectful terms than "single moms" and "disable people."

9. "can not move to universities institutes" -> "cannot attend university institutions"
   Explanation: "Cannot attend university institutions" is grammatically correct and more formal than "can not move to universities institutes."

10. "spend all of their time in there to assess quality education" -> "spend all their time there to access quality education"
    Explanation: "Assess" is incorrect in this context; "access" is the correct verb for gaining entry to educational resources.

11. "One advantages" -> "One advantage"
    Explanation: "Advantages" should be singular to match the singular noun "advantage."

12. "due to unavailable to engage in in-person conversation" -> "due to the unavailability of in-person conversations"
    Explanation: "Due to the unavailability of in-person conversations" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity.

13. "such as group assignments or group revisions may be harder" -> "such as group assignments and group revisions may be more challenging"
    Explanation: "More challenging" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulty, and "and" is needed for correct conjunction.

14. "numerous number of people" -> "numerous people"
    Explanation: "Numerous number of people" is redundant; "numerous people" is sufficient and more formal.

15. "approach to qualified education" -> "access to quality education"
    Explanation: "Access to quality education" is a more standard and precise phrase than "approach to qualified education."

16. "i strongly reckon" -> "I strongly believe"
    Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns like "I," and "recon" is not a standard verb form; "believe" is the correct verb for expressing strong conviction.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online courses. The author acknowledges the flexibility and convenience of online education, particularly for individuals in remote areas or those with other responsibilities. However, the response leans heavily towards the disadvantages, which is acceptable as long as both sides are presented. The mention of distractions and the lack of in-person interactions effectively highlights the drawbacks. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced view by elaborating further on the advantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion. This can be achieved by expanding on the advantages with specific examples or statistics to illustrate the benefits more convincingly. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are equally represented would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of online courses outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the second paragraph where the author emphasizes the negative aspects. However, the initial statement in the introduction could be misleading as it suggests that the author believes online courses are more disadvantageous, which is somewhat contradictory to the acknowledgment of their benefits.
  • How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should ensure that the introduction explicitly states the position in a way that aligns with the rest of the essay. A clearer thesis statement would help guide the reader and reinforce the author’s stance throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of online courses. The advantages are briefly mentioned, but the disadvantages are elaborated upon with examples, such as distractions from home and challenges in group work. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further development. For instance, the mention of distractions could be supported with more specific examples or research findings to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples, evidence, or personal experiences. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where online learning has proven beneficial or detrimental, thereby providing a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of online courses. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly convoluted, such as in the phrase "numerous number of people to approach to qualified education," which could confuse readers. Additionally, some sentences are overly complex and could lead to a loss of focus.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for simpler sentence structures and clearer phrasing. Breaking down complex ideas into more digestible parts can help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the prompt will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in balance, clarity, and depth of analysis. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On the other hand" effectively signals a shift, but the connection between the two sides could be more explicit. Additionally, the argument against online courses lacks a strong lead-in that would help the reader anticipate the forthcoming points.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, starting the paragraph on disadvantages with a sentence that summarizes the key issues could provide better context. Additionally, using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the advantages to the disadvantages (e.g., "While online courses offer flexibility, they also present significant challenges…") can help create a smoother flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of content. The advantages paragraph is longer and more detailed than the disadvantages paragraph, which may lead to an imbalance in the argumentation. This can affect the overall coherence as the reader may feel that one side is more thoroughly explored than the other.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding on the disadvantages with additional examples or explanations. For instance, the paragraph discussing distractions could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details that are directly related to that idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate between the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be better integrated to show a cause-and-effect relationship more clearly.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to add information, and "However," "Conversely," or "Nevertheless" to contrast ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity and connection between ideas. For example, when discussing distractions, you could say, "Moreover, distractions at home can lead to…" to create a more seamless transition between thoughts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score further. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online courses. Phrases like "virtual courses," "flexibility and convenience," and "quality education" show an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the repeated use of "students" and "people."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more diverse expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "participants," or "individuals pursuing education" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "the merits and demerits" instead of "advantages and disadvantages" could further enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to convey ideas clearly, there are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "allowing individual to study from the comfort from their home" should be "allowing individuals to study from the comfort of their homes." Furthermore, the term "disadvantageous" is somewhat awkward in this context; a more precise term like "less beneficial" would be clearer.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help in selecting the right words. Additionally, using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary lists specific to academic writing can aid in finding more precise terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "individual" is used in the singular form but lacks the necessary pluralization in context, and "disable" should be "disabled." Other errors include "advantages" (used as "One advantages") and "i" (which should be capitalized to "I").
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, keeping a personal list of frequently confused words and their correct spellings can help reinforce learning.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and attempts to engage with the topic, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will be crucial for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, simple sentences like "Studying through internet-based courses provide flexibility and convenience" are prevalent, which reduces the overall complexity of the writing. Additionally, the use of compound sentences is minimal, and there is a lack of varied sentence openings. The phrase "One advantages is that students can be distracted by studying at home" shows an attempt at complexity but is marred by grammatical errors, such as the incorrect use of "advantages" instead of "advantage."
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, they could rephrase "As a result, students, who choose to study online will be available to schedule their studies around other responsibilities" to "Students who choose to study online can schedule their studies around other responsibilities, which allows for greater flexibility." Practicing combining sentences and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex structures will improve the overall range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and comprehension. For example, "allowing individual to study from the comfort from their home" should be "allowing individuals to study from the comfort of their homes." There are also punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "students, who choose to study online will be available" and the incorrect placement of periods, as seen in "especially with some who are easily to be distracted. ." The misuse of articles and plural forms, such as "One advantages" instead of "One advantage," also detracts from the overall accuracy.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and pluralization. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. It may be beneficial to review grammar resources or take practice quizzes to reinforce these concepts.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, it lacks the necessary grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can significantly enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been much controversy about whether virtual courses bring more benefits or drawbacks. In my opinion, allowing individuals to study from the comfort of their homes is more disadvantageous.

On one hand, studying through internet-based courses provides flexibility and convenience. As they are available and can be studied anywhere worldwide, such as in some remote areas that are inaccessible to universities located far from there. As a result, students who choose to study online can schedule their studies around other responsibilities. In addition, online courses help working adults, single mothers, and individuals with disabilities, who cannot move to university institutions and spend all of their time there to access quality education.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that the disadvantages are more significant. One advantage is that students can be distracted by studying at home. For instance, notifications from mobile phones or noises from construction sites nearby could cause a lack of focus and poorer academic performance, especially for those who are easily distracted. Furthermore, due to the unavailability of in-person conversations, completing cooperative tasks, such as group assignments or group revisions, may be more challenging. Therefore, this generates challenges for subjects that require collaboration.

In conclusion, although online courses can help numerous people access quality education, such as those from remote areas or those who cannot spend their whole time in university institutions, I strongly believe that these bring more negative effects for these compelling reasons.