The graph shows the information about international conferences in three capital cities in 1980

The graph shows the information about international conferences in three capital cities in 1980 — 2010

The line graph illustrates the number of global conferences occurring in three capital cities over a period of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.
It can be concluded from the graph that the number of conferences taking place in city C underwent a significant upward trend, while the number occurring in other cities experienced an opposite pattern.
In city C, from no conference which was much lower than that of other cities in 1980, it surged drastically to reach a peak of 35 in 2000, before reducing moderately to over 30 at the end of the period.
Starting from 35 in 1980, the number of global conferences in city A underwent a dramatic decrease to nearly 25 in 2010, despite a slight fluctuation between 1985 and 2005. Following the same pattern, the figure for worldwide conferences taking place in city B encountered a remarkable decline from 30 to around 20 over 5 years from the beginning of the period. This figure grew noticeably to over 25 in 1990, then remained relatively constant at around 25 between 1990 and the end of the shown period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates," which is commonly used in academic writing to describe visual representations of data.
"number of global conferences" -> "number of international conferences"
Explanation: "International" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it directly relates to conferences held across countries, whereas "global" might imply a broader scope that includes non-conference events.
"underwent a significant upward trend" -> "experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a substantial increase" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "underwent a significant upward trend."
"opposite pattern" -> "contrasting pattern"
Explanation: "Contrasting" is more precise and academically appropriate than "opposite," which can imply a direct reversal, which might not be the case here.
"from no conference" -> "from zero conferences"
Explanation: "From zero conferences" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "from no conference."
"surged drastically" -> "increased significantly"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is more formal and avoids the emotional connotation of "surged drastically."
"moderately to over 30" -> "steadily to over 30"
Explanation: "Steadily" is more precise in describing a consistent trend than "moderately," which can imply a varying degree of change.
"Starting from 35 in 1980" -> "Beginning at 35 in 1980"
Explanation: "Beginning at" is more formal and precise than "Starting from," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"dramatic decrease" -> "marked decline"
Explanation: "Marked decline" is a more formal expression than "dramatic decrease," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"nearly 25" -> "approximately 25"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "nearly," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"remarkable decline" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "remarkable," which can carry a connotation of surprise or emphasis that is not suitable for formal analysis.
"over 5 years" -> "over a period of five years"
Explanation: "Over a period of five years" is more formal and precise than "over 5 years," which is too informal and lacks specificity.
"This figure grew noticeably" -> "This figure increased noticeably"
Explanation: "Increased" is more specific and formal than "grew," which can imply a natural or organic change rather than a deliberate or measured change in data.
"remained relatively constant" -> "remained relatively stable"
Explanation: "Remained relatively stable" is a more precise and formal way to describe consistency in data trends compared to "remained relatively constant."

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay does not clearly present and highlight key features/bullet points. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by presenting and highlighting key features/bullet points more clearly. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay states that the number of conferences in city C "surged drastically" to reach a peak of 35 in 2000. However, the graph shows that the number of conferences in city C increased gradually from 1980 to 2000. The essay could be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the analysis of the data. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, and referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to a central topic. Additionally, improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more varied linking phrases would help create a more seamless reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "surged," "dramatic decrease," and "remarkable decline," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "no conference which was much lower than that of other cities." Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and sentence structure that may slightly impede clarity. Overall, while the vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated lexical items and varying sentence structures can help convey ideas more fluently and flexibly. Regular practice with synonyms and collocations, as well as proofreading for spelling and word formation errors, will also contribute to improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For example, the phrase "from no conference which was much lower than that of other cities" could be more clearly expressed, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that may slightly hinder clarity. Overall, the grammatical range is solid, but there are areas where improvement could enhance clarity and precision.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and coherence. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that all complex sentences are grammatically accurate. Additionally, increasing the variety of sentence structures used and minimizing any remaining errors will contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the number of international conferences occurring in three capital cities over a period of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.

It can be observed from the graph that the number of conferences taking place in city C underwent a significant upward trend, while the numbers in the other cities experienced an opposite pattern. In city C, starting from no conferences, which was much lower than that of the other cities in 1980, it surged drastically to reach a peak of 35 in 2000, before decreasing moderately to just over 30 by the end of the period.

In city A, beginning with 35 conferences in 1980, the number underwent a dramatic decrease to nearly 25 by 2010, despite a slight fluctuation between 1985 and 2005. Following a similar pattern, the figure for global conferences taking place in city B encountered a notable decline from 30 to around 20 over the first five years of the period. This figure then grew noticeably to over 25 in 1990, before remaining relatively constant at around 25 between 1990 and the end of the observed period.