the chart shows the number of foreign tourists visiting XCountry in 2007 and 2008. The table shows annual income of various businesses in Xcountry in 2019 and 2020.

The bar chart details the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world and the table delineates the income of different businesses in the nation in 2007 and 2008.
Overall, tourism from all regions of the world declined, though less noticeably when coming from the main sources of tourists: China, Japan, and Australia. All forms of revenue also fell, with shops and tour services accounting for the majority of revenue by 2008.
In 2007, there were over 200,000 tourists from Europe and the US and Canada, with the North American nations slightly higher. By 2008, both figures had dropped dramatically to 100,000 for the former and approximately 250,000 for the latter. In contrast, the data points for China and Japan began the period much higher (nearly 300,000) and fell less significantly (200,000). Similarly, Australian tourists numbered
275,000 in 2007 and had declined marginally to 250,000 by the following year.
In terms of income in Country X, in 2019 hotels and resorts earned 3.5 million dollars, considerably more than restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops (2.4), transportation and travel agents (1.3), and tour guides, small vendors and other services (1.4). By 2008, hotels and resorts had plunged to just $.5 million, dining options had halved to $1.2 million, and transportation had reduced to $.4 million. The most marginal decline was for tour services ($1.1 million)

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart details" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "details," which can sound too vague and simplistic for academic writing.
"various parts of the world" -> "diverse regions"
Explanation: "Diverse regions" is more specific and academically appropriate than "various parts of the world," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"less noticeably" -> "less significantly"
Explanation: "Less significantly" is a more precise and formal way to convey a reduction in degree, fitting the academic style better than "less noticeably."
"All forms of revenue also fell" -> "All revenue streams also decreased"
Explanation: "Revenue streams" is a more precise term than "forms of revenue," and "decreased" is more formal than "fell."
"shops and tour services" -> "retail establishments and tourism services"
Explanation: "Retail establishments" and "tourism services" are more specific and formal terms than "shops" and "tour services," enhancing the academic tone.
"dramatically" -> "substantially"
Explanation: "Substantially" is a more formal and precise term than "dramatically," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"both figures had dropped dramatically" -> "both figures declined substantially"
Explanation: Replacing "dropped dramatically" with "declined substantially" maintains formality and precision.
"nearly 300,000" -> "approximately 300,000"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise term than "nearly" in academic contexts.
"had declined marginally" -> "experienced a moderate decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a moderate decline" is more formal and precise than "had declined marginally."
"considerably more than" -> "substantially greater than"
Explanation: "Substantially greater than" is a more formal expression than "considerably more than," aligning better with academic style.
"plunged to just $.5 million" -> "dropped to approximately $0.5 million"
Explanation: "Dropped to approximately $0.5 million" is more precise and avoids the informal tone of "plunged."
"halved to $1.2 million" -> "decreased by half to $1.2 million"
Explanation: "Decreased by half" is a more formal and precise way to describe a reduction by 50%, compared to "halved."
"reduced to $.4 million" -> "decreased to $0.4 million"
Explanation: "Decreased to $0.4 million" is more precise and formal than "reduced to $.4 million."
"The most marginal decline was for tour services ($1.1 million)" -> "The smallest decline was in tour services, amounting to $1.1 million"
Explanation: "The smallest decline was in tour services, amounting to $1.1 million" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "most marginal."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay does not mention that the number of tourists from China and Japan declined less significantly than the number of tourists from other regions.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the data more effectively. For example, the essay could mention that the number of tourists from China and Japan declined less significantly than the number of tourists from other regions. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in the number of tourists from each region.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively outlines the two data sets, and the overall trends are summarized well. However, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, as some transitions feel mechanical. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the organization within paragraphs could be clearer, particularly in distinguishing between the two years discussed for both the tourist numbers and business incomes.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more fluidly. This could involve employing more varied transitional phrases and ensuring that references to previous ideas are clear and precise. Additionally, improving the logical flow within paragraphs by grouping related information together and clearly delineating between different aspects of the data would strengthen the overall structure. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression of ideas is more explicit would also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common terms such as "delineates" and "plunged." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the North American nations slightly higher" which could be clearer. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as the use of "$.5 million" instead of "0.5 million dollars," which may cause slight confusion for the reader. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it lacks the precision and sophistication needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, particularly with regard to synonyms and more precise terms that convey exact meanings. Additionally, practicing the correct usage of numerical expressions and ensuring clarity in comparisons will help improve overall communication. Finally, reviewing and correcting any spelling or word formation errors will contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, effectively communicating the main ideas regarding tourist numbers and business income. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as the inconsistent use of numerals and the incorrect punctuation in the phrase "just $.5 million." These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but they do detract from the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using more varied sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, attention should be paid to punctuation and numerical representation to maintain consistency and clarity throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing feedback on writing can also help in reducing errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart details the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world, while the table delineates the income of different businesses in the nation for the years 2019 and 2020.

Overall, tourism from all regions of the world declined, although the decrease was less pronounced for the main sources of tourists: China, Japan, and Australia. Similarly, all forms of revenue also fell, with shops and tour services accounting for the majority of income by 2008.

In 2007, there were over 200,000 tourists from Europe and the US and Canada, with the North American figure slightly higher. By 2008, both numbers had dropped dramatically to 100,000 for Europe and approximately 250,000 for the US and Canada. In contrast, the figures for China and Japan began the period much higher (nearly 300,000) and fell less significantly to 200,000. Similarly, Australian tourists numbered 275,000 in 2007 and declined marginally to 250,000 by the following year.

In terms of income in Country X, in 2019, hotels and resorts earned 3.5 million dollars, considerably more than restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops (2.4 million), transportation and travel agents (1.3 million), and tour guides, small vendors, and other services (1.4 million). By 2020, hotels and resorts had plunged to just 0.5 million dollars, dining options had halved to 1.2 million dollars, and transportation income had reduced to 0.4 million dollars. The most marginal decline was observed in tour services, which earned 1.1 million dollars.