Nowadays, sports is a big business, with high earnings for professional sports people, and a lot of companies have gotten involved financially or in other ways. Is it a positive or negative development for sports?

Sports has now become a major business with a rapid pace of growth and there has been a trend in which several entrepreneurs sponsor professional players financially or in other aspects. From my perspective, I strongly support this trend as it is obviously a positive development.

On the one hand, there is still a detrimental aspect that is worth mentioning about this trend. I believe that companies’ involvement can have a damaging impact on the careers of professional players. It is apparent that when athletes are bothered by endorsement contracts and advertising campaigns, they are likely to lose their concentration on practicing and competing in sports; hence, their performances can potentially deteriorate over time. For example, several footballers from the Vietnam team, after receiving the second trophy in the U23 Asian Cup tournament in 2018, were invited to endorse several products; however, afterward, they performed badly in the same tournament in the following years as they did not fully focus on strengthening their skills. Clearly, this trend has potentially ruinous effects on players.

However, I advocate the fact that its merits surpass the drawbacks. First and foremost, contracts from companies could provide athletes with a high and secure income. This can be explained by the fact that the normal earnings from tournaments and government support are insufficient and sometimes even cannot help athletes cover the cost of their lives. Therefore, it would be really helpful if they received support from entrepreneurs. For example, Vietnamese professional players usually get little support from the government and most of them cannot live on earning from sports; as a result, companies’ involvement in this situation can help increase their incomes, securing them more fulfilling lives. Moreover, if there were more investment in some athletes in particular sports, it would help promote the sport, as a result, more interest from the government would be drawn, contributing to a higher income for athletes. It is therefore believed that the trend in which firms sponsor athletes is a positive development.

In conclusion, despite the potential disturbance to players which may lead to the deterioration in their sports career, I strongly believe that its merits are superior as this trend can help athletes improve their earnings, leading to a more fulfilling life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Sports has" -> "Sports have"
Explanation: The subject "sports" is plural, so the verb "have" should be used to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality.
"a rapid pace of growth" -> "rapid growth"
Explanation: The phrase "a rapid pace of growth" is redundant. Simplifying it to "rapid growth" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formal tone.
"there has been a trend" -> "there is a trend"
Explanation: The present perfect tense "has been" is unnecessary here, as the statement is general and not referring to a specific past action. Using the simple present tense "is" is more appropriate for a general statement.
"in other aspects" -> "in various ways"
Explanation: "In other aspects" is vague and informal. "In various ways" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"I strongly support this trend" -> "I strongly advocate this trend"
Explanation: "Support" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Advocate" is more specific and academically appropriate, implying a strong endorsement or promotion of the trend.
"obviously a positive development" -> "clearly a positive development"
Explanation: "Obviously" can sound too informal and subjective for academic writing. "Clearly" is more neutral and maintains an objective tone.
"detrimental aspect" -> "negative aspect"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a bit formal but less common in this context. "Negative" is straightforward and universally understood, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"companies’ involvement can have a damaging impact" -> "companies’ involvement may have a detrimental impact"
Explanation: "Can" is less formal and slightly uncertain; "may" is more appropriate for academic writing as it suggests possibility without certainty. "Detrimental" is also more precise than "damaging" in this context.
"bothered by endorsement contracts" -> "distracted by endorsement contracts"
Explanation: "Bothered" is informal and less precise. "Distracted" is more specific and appropriate for describing the impact of contracts on athletes’ focus.
"ruinous effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Ruinous" is overly dramatic and informal. "Adverse" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term that still conveys negative consequences.
"advocate the fact that" -> "emphasize that"
Explanation: "Advocate" is typically used to support a cause or policy, not to emphasize a fact. "Emphasize" is more accurate in this context, indicating a highlighting of the importance of the point being made.
"high and secure income" -> "substantial and stable income"
Explanation: "High and secure" is somewhat informal and vague. "Substantial and stable" provides a clearer and more formal description of the financial benefits.
"really helpful" -> "highly beneficial"
Explanation: "Really helpful" is informal and conversational. "Highly beneficial" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"more fulfilling lives" -> "more fulfilling lifestyles"
Explanation: "Lives" is too broad and informal; "lifestyles" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the quality of life influenced by financial support.
"more interest from the government" -> "greater government interest"
Explanation: "More interest" is informal and vague. "Greater government interest" is more precise and formal, specifying the entity involved.
"positive development" -> "beneficial trend"
Explanation: "Positive development" is somewhat generic. "Beneficial trend" is more specific and academically precise, emphasizing the positive outcomes of the trend.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the involvement of companies in professional sports. The author acknowledges the potential detrimental effects on athletes’ focus due to endorsement contracts while also highlighting the financial benefits that sponsorships can provide. This balanced approach demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue, which is crucial for a high band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the implications of these points. For instance, the author could elaborate on how the financial support from companies not only benefits individual athletes but also impacts the broader sports industry, such as increased viewership or sponsorship opportunities for lesser-known sports.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the involvement of companies in sports is a positive development. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reiterates their belief in the benefits of sponsorships despite acknowledging the drawbacks. The use of phrases like "I strongly support this trend" and "its merits surpass the drawbacks" reinforces this clarity.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position further, the author could incorporate transitional phrases that explicitly connect the negative aspects to the overall positive stance. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a sentence could be added to transition smoothly into the positive aspects, emphasizing that while challenges exist, the overall benefits are more significant.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial insecurity of athletes and the potential for increased government interest in sports due to corporate sponsorship. These ideas are supported with relevant examples, such as the situation of Vietnamese players. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust; some points, particularly regarding the negative impacts, could benefit from additional examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the author could include more specific examples or statistics related to the financial benefits of sponsorships in various sports. Additionally, discussing how companies can positively influence the sports culture or community engagement could provide a more rounded view of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of corporate involvement in sports without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central argument can enhance coherence. The author could explicitly link each negative and positive aspect back to the overarching question of whether this trend is positive or negative, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the depth of examples and clearer transitions, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the positive aspects of corporate involvement in sports, structured into two main sections: the drawbacks and the merits. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s stance. However, the transition between the negative and positive aspects could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However, I advocate the fact that its merits surpass the drawbacks" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a phrase like "Despite these concerns, there are significant benefits to consider" would create a more seamless transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the negative impact of corporate sponsorship, while the second paragraph outlines its benefits. However, the second paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on financial security and the other on the promotion of sports.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each address a single idea or aspect of the argument. For instance, after discussing the financial benefits for athletes, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about how corporate sponsorship can promote sports, followed by supporting details. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more organized presentation of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "However," and "For example," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, particularly with phrases like "companies’ involvement" and "athletes." This can detract from the overall fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "companies’ involvement," synonyms such as "corporate sponsorship" or "business investment" could be employed. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall flow.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental," "entrepreneurs," "endorsement contracts," and "fulfilling lives" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "companies" and "athletes" could be replaced with synonyms or more specific terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "companies," alternatives such as "corporations," "businesses," or "sponsors" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "professional sportspeople" or "athletic professionals" instead of "athletes" could add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "damaging impact on the careers of professional players" could be more precisely stated as "adverse effects on the professional trajectories of athletes," which would convey a clearer meaning. Additionally, the term "potentially ruinous effects" could be simplified to "harmful effects" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revisiting phrases and considering whether they convey the message clearly. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also help in selecting more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "entrepreneurs," "endorsement," and "deterioration" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps, can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, focusing on precise language, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "when athletes are bothered by endorsement contracts and advertising campaigns, they are likely to lose their concentration on practicing and competing in sports." This shows an ability to convey nuanced ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "this can be explained by the fact that," the writer could use alternatives like "one reason for this is that" or "an important factor to consider is." Additionally, employing more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a solid command of grammar, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the normal earnings from tournaments and government support are insufficient and sometimes even cannot help athletes cover the cost of their lives" could be more clearly expressed as "the normal earnings from tournaments and government support are often insufficient to cover athletes’ living costs." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as in the sentence "However, I advocate the fact that its merits surpass the drawbacks," which could benefit from a comma after "However" for better flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and conciseness. Revising sentences to eliminate unnecessary words or phrases can help. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will enhance readability. For example, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid run-on sentences and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there are clear opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Sports have now become a major business with a rapid pace of growth, and there is a trend in which several entrepreneurs sponsor professional players financially or in various ways. From my perspective, I strongly advocate this trend as it is clearly a positive development.

On the one hand, there is still a negative aspect that is worth mentioning about this trend. I believe that companies’ involvement can have a detrimental impact on the careers of professional players. It is apparent that when athletes are distracted by endorsement contracts and advertising campaigns, they are likely to lose their concentration on practicing and competing in sports; hence, their performances can potentially deteriorate over time. For example, several footballers from the Vietnam team, after receiving the second trophy in the U23 Asian Cup tournament in 2018, were invited to endorse several products; however, afterward, they performed poorly in the same tournament in the following years as they did not fully focus on strengthening their skills. Clearly, this trend has potentially adverse effects on players.

However, I emphasize that its merits surpass the drawbacks. First and foremost, contracts from companies could provide athletes with a substantial and stable income. This can be explained by the fact that the normal earnings from tournaments and government support are insufficient and sometimes cannot help athletes cover the cost of their lives. Therefore, it would be highly beneficial if they received support from entrepreneurs. For example, Vietnamese professional players usually get little support from the government, and most of them cannot live on earnings from sports; as a result, companies’ involvement in this situation can help increase their incomes, securing them more fulfilling lifestyles. Moreover, if there were more investment in some athletes in particular sports, it would help promote the sport; as a result, greater government interest would be drawn, contributing to a higher income for athletes. It is therefore believed that the trend in which firms sponsor athletes is a beneficial trend.

In conclusion, despite the potential disturbance to players which may lead to deterioration in their sports careers, I strongly believe that its merits are superior, as this trend can help athletes improve their earnings, leading to a more fulfilling life.