The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (at least 150 words)

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (at least 150 words)

The line graph provides data on the number of people participating in four different sports : Basketball, Tennis, Badminton and Rugby in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
Overall, Tennis was the only sport that experienced a consistent increase in participation over the 20 year period, while Rugby saw a dramatic decline. Basketball and badminton maintained relatively stable participation rates, with slight fluctuations.
In 1985, Rugby had the highest number of participants, with approximately 250 people. However, this figure decreased steadily over the years, experiencing a sharp drop after 2000, reaching a low of about 50 participants in 2005. In contrast, Tennis started with around 150 participants in 1985 and this number gradually rose over the entire period, peaking at roughly 225 in 2005, making it the most popular sport by the end of the survey.
By 2005, Basketball and Badminton both displayed more stable trends. Basketball began with around 100 participants in 1985 and experienced a slight decline, stabilizing at around 75 by 2005. Badminton, which had the lowest initial participation with approximately 75 people, showed minimal fluctuations throughout the period, eventually declining slightly to about 50 participants in 2005.
In conclusion, while Tennis gained popularity steadily over the two decades, Rugby saw a significant drop in participation. Basketball and Badminton remained relatively stable, though both experienced slight declines by the end of the period

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the line graph provides data" -> "the graph presents data"
Explanation: Replacing "provides" with "presents" is more precise in the context of presenting visual information, which is typical in academic writing.
"participating in four different sports" -> "engaging in four distinct sports"
Explanation: "Engaging in" is more formal and specific than "participating in," and "distinct" is a more precise adjective than "different" in this context.
"a particular region" -> "a specific region"
Explanation: "Specific" is more precise and formal than "particular," which can sometimes imply a lack of detail.
"dramatic decline" -> "marked decline"
Explanation: "Marked" is a more academic term than "dramatic," which can carry emotional connotations that are less suitable for formal writing.
"relatively stable participation rates" -> "stable participation rates"
Explanation: Removing "relatively" avoids redundancy and maintains a more concise and formal tone.
"slight fluctuations" -> "minor fluctuations"
Explanation: "Minor" is a more precise term than "slight," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"approximately" -> "approximately"
Explanation: No change needed here as "approximately" is appropriate for academic writing to indicate an estimate.
"a sharp drop" -> "a significant decline"
Explanation: "Significant decline" is more formal and precise than "sharp drop," which can be seen as colloquial.
"peaking at roughly" -> "reaching approximately"
Explanation: "Reaching approximately" is more formal and precise than "peaking at roughly," which is somewhat informal.
"most popular sport" -> "most popular sport"
Explanation: No change needed as "most popular sport" is appropriate for the context.
"By 2005" -> "By the end of 2005"
Explanation: Adding "the end of" clarifies the time reference, making the sentence more precise and formal.
"displayed more stable trends" -> "exhibited relatively stable trends"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal than "displayed," and "relatively" is used to temper the absolute nature of "stable," aligning better with academic style.
"saw a significant drop" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more formal and fits better in an academic context than "saw a significant drop."
"slight declines" -> "minor declines"
Explanation: "Minor" is more precise and formal than "slight," which can be vague and less formal.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the graph, highlighting the key features of each sport. It accurately describes the overall trend for each sport, including the consistent increase in Tennis participation, the dramatic decline in Rugby, and the relatively stable participation rates of Basketball and Badminton. The essay also provides specific details to support its claims, such as the starting and ending points for each sport, as well as the peak and low points for Rugby and Tennis.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data points to support its claims. For example, instead of saying that Rugby experienced a "sharp drop" after 2000, the essay could state the exact number of participants in 2000 and 2005. This would make the essay more informative and convincing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. The central topics are presented within each paragraph, with appropriate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas. However, there are instances of slightly mechanical cohesion, and the referencing could be clearer in some areas. The paragraphing is generally effective, but there are moments where the transitions between ideas could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph flows more seamlessly into the next would improve overall progression. Clarifying references and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence could also strengthen the organization of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the graph. It includes less common lexical items such as "participating," "dramatic decline," and "fluctuations," which show some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the only sport that experienced a consistent increase" which could be more precisely articulated. Additionally, there are minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as the inconsistent use of "participants" and "people," which detract slightly from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and more precise word choices. The writer should aim to incorporate more uncommon lexical items and ensure that all terms are used accurately in context. Additionally, reducing minor errors in spelling and word formation will enhance the overall impression of lexical resource. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall accuracy. For example, the phrase "taking parts in 4 kinds of sports" should be "taking part in four kinds of sports," and there are minor punctuation issues, such as the inconsistent use of commas. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the information, but the presence of these errors prevents it from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Variety in Sentence Structures: While the essay uses complex structures, incorporating a wider range of sentence types can further demonstrate flexibility.
Punctuation Consistency: Ensure consistent use of punctuation, particularly with lists and clauses, to improve clarity and accuracy.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expressions, such as avoiding phrases like "taking parts in," which can lead to confusion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides data on the number of people participating in four different sports: Basketball, Tennis, Badminton, and Rugby in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.

Overall, Tennis was the only sport that experienced a consistent increase in participation over the 20-year period, while Rugby saw a dramatic decline. Basketball and Badminton maintained relatively stable participation rates, with slight fluctuations.

In 1985, Rugby had the highest number of participants, with approximately 250 people. However, this figure decreased steadily over the years, experiencing a sharp drop after 2000, reaching a low of about 50 participants in 2005. In contrast, Tennis started with around 150 participants in 1985, and this number gradually rose over the entire period, peaking at roughly 225 in 2005, making it the most popular sport by the end of the survey.

By 2005, Basketball and Badminton both displayed more stable trends. Basketball began with around 100 participants in 1985 and experienced a slight decline, stabilizing at approximately 75 by 2005. Badminton, which had the lowest initial participation with approximately 75 people, showed minimal fluctuations throughout the period, eventually declining slightly to about 50 participants in 2005.