Part 2. Essay writing (35 points) Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic. As for success in life, many of us think that our greatness lies in persistence, while others believe that only realization of our limits in ability can bring true success. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Part 2. Essay writing (35 points)
Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic.
As for success in life, many of us think that our greatness lies in persistence, while others believe that only realization of our limits in ability can bring true success.
Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Regarding the recipe for success, many opine that only through hard work can humans achieve greatness, while others think that knowing one’s capacities can allow people to become truly successful. Both perspectives are reasonable due to a multitude of factors.

On the one hand, individuals believe that by realizing one’s limitations in one’s ability, people can focus on diversifying their skill set; therefore, it increases chances for success. Instead of training one particular skill to the max, not improving considerably, many can focus on covering their weaknesses, or learn in a different, different field. Doing this improves one’s ability to deal with difficulties in their work. Further more, diversifying your capabilities may bring give people a chance at success. For example, a programmer that has has experience in artistic fields might thrive in the web design industry.

On the other hand, many parts of the population think that persistence will guide people toward success by breaking their boundaries. Through constant hard work and dedication, one can improve themselves considerably. Moreover, by persisting, people can become the greatest in one field, or even capable in a variety of fields.

In conclusion, realizing one’s boundaries is important, for hard work and dedication both play an important role in making people successful.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "many opine" -> "many believe"
   Explanation: "Opine" is a less common verb that may sound overly formal or archaic in this context. "Believe" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing, making it more suitable for the essay’s tone.

2. "knowing one’s capacities" -> "acknowledging one’s strengths"
   Explanation: "Capacities" is somewhat vague and can encompass a broad range of abilities. "Strengths" is more specific and directly relates to personal abilities, enhancing the clarity and precision of the statement.

3. "can allow people to become truly successful" -> "can enable individuals to achieve significant success"
   Explanation: "Allow" is somewhat passive and less direct. "Enable" is more active and formal, and "significant success" is more specific than "truly successful," which is vague.

4. "a multitude of factors" -> "a variety of factors"
   Explanation: "A multitude" can imply a large, often unspecified number, which may be too vague for academic writing. "A variety" is more precise and commonly used in formal texts.

5. "by realizing one’s limitations in one’s ability" -> "by recognizing one’s limitations in their abilities"
   Explanation: "In one’s ability" is redundant and awkward. "In their abilities" is more natural and avoids redundancy.

6. "not improving considerably, many can focus" -> "not significantly improving, many can focus"
   Explanation: "Considerably" is less formal and can be replaced with "significantly" for a more academic tone.

7. "diversifying your capabilities may bring give people a chance at success" -> "diversifying their capabilities may provide them with opportunities for success"
   Explanation: "May bring give" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Provide them with opportunities for success" is grammatically correct and more formal.

8. "a programmer that has has experience" -> "a programmer who has experience"
   Explanation: "That" is incorrectly used here. "Who" is the correct relative pronoun to use when referring to a person.

9. "might thrive in the web design industry" -> "could excel in the web design industry"
   Explanation: "Might thrive" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Could excel" is more formal and academically appropriate.

10. "many parts of the population think" -> "many individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Many parts of the population" is an awkward and vague phrase. "Many individuals" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.

11. "by breaking their boundaries" -> "by pushing beyond their limits"
    Explanation: "Breaking their boundaries" can be seen as too informal and vague. "Pushing beyond their limits" is more precise and formal.

12. "one can improve themselves considerably" -> "one can significantly improve themselves"
    Explanation: "Considerably" is less formal and can be replaced with "significantly" for a more academic tone.

13. "or even capable in a variety of fields" -> "or even excel in multiple fields"
    Explanation: "Capable in a variety of fields" is awkward and vague. "Excel in multiple fields" is more direct and formal.

14. "realizing one’s boundaries is important" -> "acknowledging one’s limitations is crucial"
    Explanation: "Realizing one’s boundaries" is less formal and less precise. "Acknowledging one’s limitations" is more formal and fits better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding success—persistence versus recognizing one’s limitations. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of each perspective. The discussion on realizing limitations is somewhat developed, but the argument for persistence is less detailed and lacks specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that persistence can lead to improvement, it does not provide concrete scenarios or evidence to support this claim.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should delve deeper into both perspectives. Each viewpoint should be supported with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate how persistence or self-awareness can lead to success. Additionally, a more balanced discussion would enhance the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay concludes with a statement that both perspectives are important, but it does not clearly articulate a personal stance. The phrase "realizing one’s boundaries is important" suggests some preference for self-awareness, yet the essay fails to convincingly argue for one view over the other throughout the text. This lack of a clear position can confuse the reader about the writer’s ultimate opinion.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, integrating personal insights or reflections on why one perspective may be more valid than the other would help solidify the stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both views but does not extend or support them adequately. For example, the mention of a programmer with artistic skills is a good start, but it lacks depth and does not fully illustrate how this combination leads to success. The discussion on persistence is vague and does not provide any specific examples or scenarios that demonstrate its effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with detailed examples, statistics, or quotes from reputable sources. This could involve discussing famous figures who exemplify each viewpoint or citing studies that support the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two views of success. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the transition between discussing limitations and persistence is not smooth. The phrase "many parts of the population think" is vague and could be more specific.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. Using topic sentences that directly reference the views being discussed can help maintain clarity. Additionally, transitions between ideas should be more fluid to enhance coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their arguments, providing specific examples, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Additionally, aiming for the target word count will help meet the requirements of the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections addressing both perspectives on success. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each viewpoint is presented in separate paragraphs. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of recognizing limitations to the value of persistence could be more seamless. The connection between ideas is sometimes abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the importance of recognizing limitations, a sentence like "Conversely, many argue that persistence is the key to overcoming these limitations" could provide a smoother transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the internal structure of some paragraphs could be improved. For example, the second paragraph discussing limitations contains a sentence that is somewhat convoluted and could be clearer. The phrase "not improving considerably" is awkwardly placed and disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations. Break down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance clarity. For instance, instead of saying "Instead of training one particular skill to the max, not improving considerably," consider rephrasing it to "Rather than solely focusing on perfecting one skill, individuals can benefit from improving their weaknesses." This will help maintain clarity and coherence within each paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices utilized throughout the essay. For example, the use of "therefore" and "furthermore" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from incorporating additional linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of connectors and transitional phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "many" to introduce points, you could use phrases like "a significant number of people" or "a considerable portion of society." Additionally, employing phrases such as "in contrast," "similarly," or "for instance" can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "recipe for success," "diversifying their skill set," and "breaking their boundaries." However, some vocabulary choices are repetitive or lack variety, such as the repeated use of "success" and "ability." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "success," alternatives like "achievement," "accomplishment," or "prosperity" could be employed. Additionally, varying the expressions used to describe "ability" could enrich the essay’s language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "not improving considerably" is vague and could be more clearly articulated. Furthermore, the phrase "bring give people a chance at success" contains a typographical error that muddles the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Instead of "not improving considerably," a more precise phrase could be "failing to make significant progress." Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring that phrases are coherent will enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "further more" (should be "furthermore") and "has has" (repetition). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can distract the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and familiarization with commonly misspelled words can also help improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting views, which is a strong organizational strategy. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "can" and "may," which limits the overall range of grammatical forms. Additionally, the sentence "Doing this improves one’s ability to deal with difficulties in their work" could be restructured to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "can" or "may," explore alternatives like "might," "could," or "is likely to." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses) can enhance the overall complexity of the writing. For instance, rephrasing "Doing this improves one’s ability" to "By engaging in this practice, individuals enhance their ability" introduces a different structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "Further more, diversifying your capabilities may bring give people a chance at success" contains a typographical error with "give" and an unnecessary space in "Further more." Additionally, the sentence "a programmer that has has experience in artistic fields" contains a repetition of "has." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for better readability, particularly in longer sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and repetitions. Implementing a checklist for common grammatical issues could be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can improve clarity. For instance, breaking longer sentences into shorter ones or using semicolons to connect closely related ideas can enhance readability and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Regarding the recipe for success, many opine that only through hard work can humans achieve greatness, while others think that knowing one’s capacities can allow people to become truly successful. Both perspectives are reasonable due to a variety of factors.

On the one hand, individuals believe that by recognizing one’s limitations in their abilities, people can focus on diversifying their skill set; therefore, it increases their chances for success. Instead of training one particular skill to the max, not significantly improving, many can focus on covering their weaknesses or learning in a different field. Doing this improves one’s ability to deal with difficulties in their work. Furthermore, diversifying their capabilities may provide them with opportunities for success. For example, a programmer who has experience in artistic fields might thrive in the web design industry.

On the other hand, many individuals believe that persistence will guide people toward success by pushing beyond their limits. Through constant hard work and dedication, one can significantly improve themselves. Moreover, by persisting, people can become the greatest in one field or even excel in multiple fields.

In conclusion, acknowledging one’s limitations is crucial, for hard work and dedication both play an important role in making people successful.