The plans show how a coastal land has developed into a coastal park. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plans show how a coastal land has developed into a coastal park.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps illustrate the development of a coastal land into a coastal park.
Overall, the coastal park has undergone the significant changes with the introduction and renovation of greenlands, amenities and more infrastructures.
In the past, there was a road located in the north of the park which did not have no more facilities situated nearly. Moreover, in the West of the park, unused land and animals were separately located, and agricultural land laid on the East of the park. Additionally, there were the cliffs, a beach and a see which located respectively from the central area to the South of the park. In center of the park, there was the fam buildings which had a way to connect with the road.
After development, although the road, the cliffs, the beach and the see remain unchanged location, the cliffs have been added a steps to help resident move easily. Besides, unused land and animals in the west of the park have been replaced by a lake and many trees surrounded it, and the agricultural land have been changed by a woodland and the cafe with located nearly the main road. In addition, there was the modification of the fam buildings in the central area of the park to install a car park. Last but not least, the beach in the south of the park have become an tion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"maps illustrate" -> "the maps depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in the context of showing visual representations, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"development of a coastal land" -> "conversion of a coastal area"
Explanation: "Conversion" is a more specific term that accurately describes the transformation of the land use, and "coastal area" is more commonly used in formal writing than "coastal land".
"significant changes" -> "substantial transformations"
Explanation: "Substantial transformations" conveys a more precise and formal tone than "significant changes", which is somewhat vague and less specific.
"with the introduction and renovation of greenlands, amenities and more infrastructures" -> "through the introduction and renovation of green spaces, amenities, and infrastructure"
Explanation: "Green spaces" is a more specific term than "greenlands", and "infrastructure" should be plural to match the context of multiple items mentioned. Also, "more infrastructures" is redundant and can be simplified to "infrastructure" for clarity.
"did not have no more facilities situated nearly" -> "had no facilities nearby"
Explanation: "Did not have no more facilities situated nearly" is awkward and redundant. "Had no facilities nearby" simplifies and clarifies the statement.
"unused land and animals were separately located" -> "unutilized land and wildlife were separately situated"
Explanation: "Unutilized" is more precise than "unused" in this context, and "wildlife" is a more formal term than "animals" in academic writing.
"laid on the East" -> "located on the East"
Explanation: "Laid" is incorrect in this context; "located" is the correct verb to use when describing the position of something on a map.
"a see" -> "the sea"
Explanation: "The sea" is the correct term, not "a see", which is a typographical error.
"fam buildings" -> "family buildings"
Explanation: "Fam" is likely a typographical error and should be corrected to "family" for clarity and correctness.
"a way to connect with the road" -> "a path connecting the road"
Explanation: "A path connecting the road" is more descriptive and formal than "a way to connect with the road", which is vague and informal.
"the cliffs, the beach and the see" -> "the cliffs, the beach, and the sea"
Explanation: "The see" is incorrect; "the sea" is the correct term.
"steps to help resident move easily" -> "steps to facilitate easy access for residents"
Explanation: "Facilitate easy access for residents" is more formal and precise than "help resident move easily", which is informal and imprecise.
"the agricultural land have been changed by a woodland and the cafe with located nearly the main road" -> "the agricultural land was converted into a woodland and a café located near the main road"
Explanation: "Was converted into" is more precise than "have been changed by", and "located near" is grammatically correct compared to "located nearly", which is incorrect.
"the fam buildings" -> "the family buildings"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error from "fam" to "family".
"the beach in the south of the park have become an tion" -> "the beach in the south of the park has become a tourist attraction"
Explanation: "Has become a tourist attraction" is grammatically correct and provides a clear description of the change, whereas "an tion" is unclear and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place. The essay also contains some inaccuracies and irrelevant information. For example, the essay states that the road, cliffs, beach, and sea remain unchanged, but the image shows that the cliffs have been added steps. The essay also states that the agricultural land has been changed by a woodland and a cafe, but the image shows that the cafe is located near the main road, not the woodland.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes that have taken place. The essay should also be more accurate and relevant to the information provided in the image. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the unused land and animals have been replaced by a lake and trees, rather than stating that the unused land and animals have been replaced by a lake and many trees surrounded it.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe the changes in the coastal land, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical flow of ideas. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "the cliffs have been added a steps" and "the beach in the south of the park have become an tion" contain grammatical errors that detract from coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information in a more logical sequence, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will improve the overall readability of the essay. Implementing clear topic sentences and transitions will also aid in guiding the reader through the progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the coastal park, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "did not have no more facilities," "fam buildings," "tion"). The use of basic vocabulary is repetitive, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which may cause difficulty for the reader. There is an attempt to use some less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of descriptive words and phrases. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors is essential. Practicing the use of collocations and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context will also contribute to a more sophisticated and precise use of language. Engaging with more complex sentence structures could further improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as "did not have no more facilities" (double negative), "the cliffs have been added a steps" (incorrect article usage), and "the agricultural land have been changed" (subject-verb agreement error). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While there are some accurate structures present, the predominance of errors detracts from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
Error Correction: Review and correct common grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.
Punctuation: Ensure proper punctuation to enhance clarity and readability.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on complex sentence formation and grammatical accuracy to build confidence and proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate the development of a coastal land into a coastal park. Overall, the coastal park has undergone significant changes with the introduction and renovation of green spaces, amenities, and additional infrastructure.

In the past, there was a road located in the north of the park, which did not have any facilities situated nearby. Moreover, in the west of the park, unused land and animals were located separately, while agricultural land was situated to the east. Additionally, there were cliffs, a beach, and a sea, which were positioned respectively from the central area to the south of the park. In the center of the park, there were farm buildings that had a connection to the road.

After development, although the road, cliffs, beach, and sea remain in unchanged locations, the cliffs have been enhanced with steps to help residents move more easily. Furthermore, the unused land and animals in the west of the park have been replaced by a lake surrounded by many trees, and the agricultural land has been transformed into a woodland and a café located near the main road. In addition, the farm buildings in the central area of the park have been modified to include a car park. Last but not least, the beach in the south of the park has become an attraction.