The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart demonstrates the annual milk production in four countries namely Netherlands,Australia,Tanzania and Guatemala in specific year 1990,2000,and 2010.

It is clear that,Tanzania and Guatemala saw a significant increase in the amount in litres of milk.Meanwhile,the number in Netherlands reached the highest from the table shown,otherwise,Guatemala recorded the lowest milk production.

Looking specifically in number of Tanzania and Guatemala,Tanzania’s milk production rose dramatically from 87,000 litres in 1990 to 1,55,000 litres in 2010.Similarly,the amount in litres in Guatemale witnessed a gradual increase from 26,000 litres in 1990 to 84,000 litres after 20 years.However,the consumption of milk from two upper countries was trivial to compared with the production of milk in two developed country namely Netherlands and Australia.

On the other hands,Australia witnessed a slow decrease in the number of litres milk between 1990 and 2010 from 11,246,000 litres to 9,165,000 litres.Meanwhile there was a slight rise in the production of milk in Netherlands from 11,262,000 liters in 1990 to 11,466,000 liters in 2010,which made it the biggest milk production among four countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"namely" -> "specifically"
Explanation: "Namely" can be seen as somewhat informal and less precise in academic writing. "Specifically" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts, emphasizing the exact nature of the information being presented.
"in specific year" -> "in the specified years"
Explanation: "In specific year" is grammatically incorrect. "In the specified years" corrects this by using the plural form "years" and the more formal phrase "specified."
"saw a significant increase" -> "experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Saw" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Experienced" is more formal and precise, and "substantial" is a more academic term than "significant."
"the number in Netherlands" -> "the milk production in the Netherlands"
Explanation: "The number in Netherlands" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "The milk production in the Netherlands" clarifies the subject and corrects the capitalization of "Netherlands."
"otherwise,Guatemala recorded the lowest milk production" -> "otherwise, Guatemala recorded the lowest milk production"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Guatemala" is necessary for proper noun usage in formal writing.
"Looking specifically in number of Tanzania and Guatemala" -> "Examining the data for Tanzania and Guatemala"
Explanation: "Looking specifically in number of" is awkward and unclear. "Examining the data for" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"Tanzania’s milk production rose dramatically" -> "Tanzania’s milk production increased significantly"
Explanation: "Rose dramatically" is somewhat informal and emotional. "Increased significantly" is more neutral and formal.
"Guatemale" -> "Guatemala"
Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Guatemala" should be spelled correctly.
"was trivial to compared with" -> "was significantly less than"
Explanation: "Was trivial to compared with" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Was significantly less than" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hands" is grammatically incorrect. "On the other hand" is the correct phrase.
"the number of litres milk" -> "the amount of milk"
Explanation: "The number of litres milk" is grammatically incorrect. "The amount of milk" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"was a slow decrease" -> "experienced a slow decline"
Explanation: "Was a slow decrease" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experienced a slow decline" is more precise and formal.
"the biggest milk production" -> "the highest milk production"
Explanation: "Biggest" is less formal and slightly colloquial. "Highest" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in milk production in the four countries. The essay also presents some key features, such as the significant increase in milk production in Tanzania and Guatemala, and the decrease in milk production in Australia. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the consumption of milk from two upper countries was trivial to compared with the production of milk in two developed country namely Netherlands and Australia." This statement is not supported by the data in the table and is irrelevant to the task.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the key features and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding grammatical errors. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that "the consumption of milk in Tanzania and Guatemala was significantly lower than the production of milk in the Netherlands and Australia." This statement is more accurate and relevant to the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about milk production in four countries, but it lacks clear overall progression and organization. While there is some attempt to compare the data, the structure is not coherent, and the flow of ideas is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate different ideas or comparisons, which detracts from the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help connect ideas more logically. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated and that the progression of information is logical will improve the overall clarity of the essay. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression will also contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "the number in Netherlands" and "Guatemale," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, phrases like "the consumption of milk from two upper countries was trivial to compared" indicate a lack of control over word formation and collocation.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure correct spelling and word formation. Using synonyms to avoid repetition and improving the precision of word choice would also help. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can contribute to a more natural and sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect punctuation, misuse of articles, and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the number in Netherlands" and "the amount in litres of milk"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While the essay does convey some information, the overall grammatical control is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentence forms and ensure that they are used correctly. This can include using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings.
Punctuation and Spacing: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas and spacing after them. For example, there should be a space after commas in lists and before conjunctions.
Subject-Verb Agreement and Articles: Ensure that subject-verb agreement is maintained and that articles (a, an, the) are used correctly to improve clarity.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for common grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart demonstrates the annual milk production in four countries, namely the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala, in the specific years 1990, 2000, and 2010.