The chart gives information about Someland’s main exports in 2000, 2005 and 2015. Write a paragraph of at least 150 words reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart gives information about Someland’s main exports in 2000, 2005 and 2015.
Write a paragraph of at least 150 words reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart depicts the main exports exposed at 3 sources meat products, dairy products and international tourism through 3 years 2000, 2005, 2015.
Overall, it can be easily that the trend of this diagram seem to be increase, except meat products. One notable feature iss that, in 2015, internationtional tourism captured the first rank, surpass the money taken from others.
Starting at meat products, It is clear that, this type of product did not caught the attention from the oversea consumer. To be more specifically, the expenditure on this product received a continuosly decline, intially just 4 billion to 3 billion. In contrast, there was a huge increase observed in the income from international tourism, surging from 6 billion to approximately 8 billion.
Continue with dairy product, we can see a fluctuation through the assessment period. From 2000 to 2005, this data occupied a significant increase, from just 4 billion to nearly 8 billion. However, in 2015, the money given from diary products witnessed a small deduced, from about 8 billion to approximately 7 billion, make it rank the second.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The bar chart depicts the main exports exposed at 3 sources" -> "The bar chart illustrates the primary exports from three sources"
   Explanation: The original phrase "exposed at" is incorrect and awkward. "Illustrates" is a more appropriate verb for describing the depiction of data in a chart, and "from three sources" is grammatically correct.

2. "meat products, dairy products and international tourism" -> "meat products, dairy products, and international tourism"
   Explanation: Adding a comma after "products" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with the Oxford comma rule for clarity and readability in formal writing.

3. "it can be easily that the trend of this diagram seem to be increase" -> "it is evident that the trend in this diagram appears to increase"
   Explanation: "It can be easily that" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "It is evident" provides a clear and formal alternative, and "appears to increase" corrects the verb form to match the passive voice used in the original sentence.

4. "One notable feature iss" -> "One notable feature is"
   Explanation: "iss" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "is" for grammatical accuracy.

5. "internationtional" -> "international"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.

6. "surpass the money taken from others" -> "exceed those from other sources"
   Explanation: "Surpass the money taken from others" is awkward and unclear. "Exceed those from other sources" is more precise and formally appropriate.

7. "It is clear that, this type of product did not caught" -> "It is evident that this type of product did not capture"
   Explanation: "Did not caught" is grammatically incorrect. "Did not capture" corrects the verb tense and form to fit the sentence structure.

8. "continuosly decline" -> "continuously decline"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error in "continuosly."

9. "intially just 4 billion to 3 billion" -> "initially, just 4 billion to 3 billion"
   Explanation: "Intially" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "initially." Adding a comma after "initially" improves readability.

10. "huge increase observed" -> "significant increase observed"
    Explanation: "Huge" is somewhat informal and imprecise for academic writing. "Significant" is more appropriate and formal.

11. "Continue with dairy product" -> "Continuing with dairy products"
    Explanation: "Continue" should be "Continuing" to match the verb tense, and "product" should be pluralized to "products" to match the context.

12. "this data occupied a significant increase" -> "this data experienced a significant increase"
    Explanation: "Occupied" is incorrect in this context; "experienced" is the correct verb to describe changes in data.

13. "witnessed a small deduced" -> "witnessed a small decrease"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "deduced" to "decrease," which is the correct term for a reduction in quantity or amount.

14. "make it rank the second" -> "making it rank second"
    Explanation: "Make it rank the second" is grammatically incorrect. "Making it rank second" corrects the verb form and eliminates the unnecessary article "the."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is not always appropriately selected. The essay presents some key features, but the details are often irrelevant or inaccurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data in a more accurate and relevant way. For example, the essay states that "international tourism captured the first rank, surpass the money taken from others" in 2015. However, this is not entirely accurate, as dairy products still generated more revenue than international tourism in 2015. The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "seem to be increase" and "did not caught the attention from the oversea consumer." Instead, the essay should use more formal language, such as "increased" and "did not attract overseas consumers."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to discuss the trends in exports, the transitions between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "this type of product did not caught the attention" and "the money given from diary products witnessed a small deduced." Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas are not distinctly separated, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument. Increasing the variety and accuracy of cohesive devices will also help in linking ideas more effectively. Lastly, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the data will improve clarity and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the chart, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "this type of product" and "the money given from dairy products." There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "exposed at 3 sources" and "did not caught the attention," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, spelling errors like "internationtional" and "deduced" further hinder clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure accuracy in word choice and collocation. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures would also help to convey precise meanings more effectively. Furthermore, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling errors and improve overall clarity would contribute positively to the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "seem to be increase" (should be "seems to be increasing") and "did not caught" (should be "did not catch"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect use of articles ("the money taken from others" could be clearer). While the meaning is generally understandable, these errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of grammatical structures accurately. This includes practicing the correct formation of complex sentences and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch and correct grammatical and punctuation errors before submission would enhance clarity and coherence. Expanding vocabulary and using more precise language can also improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart depicts the main exports of Someland in three categories: meat products, dairy products, and international tourism, over the years 2000, 2005, and 2015. Overall, it is evident that the trend in this diagram appears to be increasing, except for meat products. One notable feature is that in 2015, international tourism captured the top position, surpassing the revenue generated from the other categories.

Starting with meat products, it is clear that this type of product did not attract the attention of overseas consumers. Specifically, the expenditure on this product experienced a continuous decline, decreasing from 4 billion to 3 billion. In contrast, there was a significant increase observed in the income from international tourism, surging from 6 billion to approximately 8 billion.

Regarding dairy products, we can see fluctuations throughout the assessment period. From 2000 to 2005, this category experienced a substantial increase, rising from just 4 billion to nearly 8 billion. However, in 2015, the revenue from dairy products witnessed a slight decrease, falling from about 8 billion to approximately 7 billion, which placed it in second position.