Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, no one can deny that technology is getting developed. Mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely because of their advantages. However, it is found that mobile phones also have many unexpected drawbacks. In this essay, I will show carefully my own opinions and give my reason.
We can see easily obvious benefits of mobile phones. First of all, mobile telephones can help people be easy to contact everytime and everywhere. No matter where you are, you just need a phone call or a text message to be able to get in touch or talk to someone without wasting too much time. Besides, mobile phones are devices that can support us in emergancies. If you get lost or encounter unexpected problems in the road, mobile telephones can help you contact quickly.
On the other hand, the impact also has negative aspects in our lives. The most common criticism is that mobile phones distract people from work. Many people spend too much time to use mobile phones, such as playing video games, surfing the Internet without focusing on their work or study. This makes work effciency decrease seriously. In addition, using cell phones too much affects a lot on health, especially eyes problems.
In conclusion, mobile phones have clear disadvantages to people. However, they also bring useful benefits that help our life be rasied. I strongly belevie that advantages of mobile phones will offset its downsides.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, no one can deny that technology is getting developed." -> "It is undeniable that technology is continually evolving."
Explanation: The phrase "getting developed" is awkward and informal. "Continually evolving" is more precise and academically appropriate, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"Mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely" -> "Mobile phones are increasingly widely used"
Explanation: The phrase "more and more widely" is redundant and informal. "Increasingly widely used" simplifies and formalizes the expression.
"it is found that mobile phones also have many unexpected drawbacks" -> "it is observed that mobile phones also have several unforeseen drawbacks"
Explanation: "Found" is too casual and vague; "observed" is more precise and formal. "Several unforeseen drawbacks" is more specific and academically suitable than "many unexpected drawbacks."
"I will show carefully my own opinions and give my reason" -> "I will carefully present my own opinions and provide my rationale"
Explanation: "Show carefully" is awkward and unclear. "Present carefully" is more appropriate for academic writing, and "provide my rationale" is a more formal way to express the intention to give reasons.
"We can see easily obvious benefits" -> "It is evident that there are numerous benefits"
Explanation: "We can see easily obvious" is redundant and informal. "It is evident that there are numerous benefits" is more concise and formal.
"be easy to contact everytime and everywhere" -> "be easily accessible at all times and everywhere"
Explanation: "Be easy to contact" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Be easily accessible at all times" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"you just need a phone call or a text message to be able to get in touch or talk to someone" -> "a simple phone call or text message suffices to establish communication"
Explanation: "You just need" is informal and conversational. "A simple phone call or text message suffices to establish communication" is more formal and precise.
"mobile phones are devices that can support us in emergancies" -> "mobile phones serve as devices that can support us in emergencies"
Explanation: "Emergancies" is a misspelling. "Emergencies" is the correct spelling, and "serve as devices" is a more formal way to describe the function of mobile phones.
"If you get lost or encounter unexpected problems in the road" -> "If you become lost or encounter unexpected issues on the road"
Explanation: "Get lost" is informal and "in the road" is incorrect. "Become lost" and "on the road" are more precise and formal.
"mobile phones distract people from work" -> "mobile phones distract individuals from their work"
Explanation: "People" is too general; "individuals" is more specific and formal. "Their work" clarifies the possessive relationship.
"spend too much time to use mobile phones" -> "spend excessive time using mobile phones"
Explanation: "Too much time to use" is awkward and informal. "Excessive time using" is more direct and formal.
"work effciency decrease seriously" -> "work efficiency decreases significantly"
Explanation: "Effciency" is a typographical error. "Decrease" should be "decreases" for subject-verb agreement, and "significantly" is more formal than "seriously."
"using cell phones too much affects a lot on health" -> "excessive use of cell phones significantly affects health"
Explanation: "Using cell phones too much affects a lot on health" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Excessive use of cell phones significantly affects health" corrects these issues and enhances formality.
"help our life be rasied" -> "enhance our lives"
Explanation: "Help our life be rasied" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Enhance our lives" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"I strongly belevie that advantages of mobile phones will offset its downsides" -> "I strongly believe that the advantages of mobile phones will outweigh its disadvantages"
Explanation: "Belevie" is a typographical error. "Believe" is the correct spelling, and "outweigh" is more precise than "offset" in this context, making the statement clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. However, it does not clearly articulate whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which is the crux of the question. The introduction states an intention to provide opinions but fails to explicitly state a position in relation to the prompt. The conclusion also lacks a definitive stance on whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A direct answer to the prompt should be included, such as "In my opinion, the disadvantages do outweigh the advantages," followed by a brief summary of the reasons supporting this view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position. While it mentions both sides, it does not convincingly argue for one side over the other. Phrases like "I will show carefully my own opinions" are vague and do not provide a strong, assertive stance. The conclusion suggests a belief in the advantages outweighing the disadvantages but does not provide a clear rationale for this position.
- How to improve: The writer should adopt a more assertive tone and clearly state their position early in the essay. Each paragraph should then support this position with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, if arguing that disadvantages outweigh advantages, each point made in the essay should reinforce this argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of mobile phones, such as ease of communication and health issues. However, the ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with examples or detailed explanations. For instance, the mention of "health, especially eyes problems" is vague and lacks depth. The essay also fails to provide specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that illustrate the points made. For instance, when discussing distractions, the writer could mention studies showing how mobile phone use impacts productivity. Additionally, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations would provide a clearer understanding of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. However, it occasionally strays into vague statements that do not directly support the argument, such as the general statement about technology development in the introduction. This could confuse the reader regarding the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Avoiding general statements that do not relate to the specific question will help maintain focus. Each paragraph should clearly tie back to the central argument regarding the balance of advantages and disadvantages.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should clearly state their position on whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas and examples will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized into distinct sections that address the benefits and drawbacks of mobile phones. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the benefits, such as ease of communication and emergency support, while the second paragraph shifts focus to the negative impacts, like distractions and health issues. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "However, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks to consider" could help guide the reader more effectively into the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the advantages, and the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more detailed topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One of the primary advantages of mobile phones is their ability to facilitate communication."
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main idea and link it back to the overall argument of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "besides," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas and indicate shifts between points. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this makes work efficiency decrease seriously" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of cohesive devices. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. By focusing on improving logical transitions, strengthening paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of mobile phones. Phrases like "unexpected drawbacks," "contact quickly," and "clear disadvantages" indicate an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely" could be expressed more elegantly with alternatives such as "increasingly popular" or "gaining widespread acceptance."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "mobile phones," consider using "smart devices" or "communication technology." Additionally, exploring phrases that convey nuance, such as "enhance connectivity" or "facilitate communication," would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys the general message, some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "help people be easy to contact" is unclear and could be better stated as "make it easy for people to stay in contact." Similarly, "affects a lot on health" is vague; a more precise expression would be "has significant health implications."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Practicing paraphrasing common phrases and seeking feedback on word usage can help. Using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary-building apps can also aid in finding more suitable words that convey the intended meaning accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "effciency" (efficiency), "emergancies" (emergencies), "rasied" (raised), and "belevie" (believe). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be beneficial. Additionally, taking the time to review the essay for typos before submission will help catch errors that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic lexical requirements, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely") and compound sentences ("If you get lost or encounter unexpected problems in the road, mobile telephones can help you contact quickly"). However, the range is somewhat limited, and many sentences follow a similar straightforward structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "mobile telephones can help you contact quickly" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or relative clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely," the writer could say, "As technology advances, mobile phones have become increasingly popular due to their numerous advantages." This not only adds variety but also enhances the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "be easy to contact everytime and everywhere" should be corrected to "be easy to contact at any time and from anywhere." Additionally, there are spelling errors such as "effciency" instead of "efficiency," "emergancies" instead of "emergencies," and "rasied" instead of "raised." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. It may also be beneficial to practice writing sentences that focus on subject-verb agreement and correct preposition usage. Furthermore, using punctuation correctly, such as commas in complex sentences, will help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow of the essay. For instance, the sentence "This makes work effciency decrease seriously" could be revised to "This seriously decreases work efficiency," which is clearer and more direct.

By focusing on these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, no one can deny that technology is continually evolving. Mobile phones are liked and used more and more widely because of their advantages. However, it is observed that mobile phones also have many unforeseen drawbacks. In this essay, I will carefully present my own opinions and provide my rationale.

We can easily see the obvious benefits of mobile phones. First of all, mobile phones can help people be easily accessible at all times and everywhere. No matter where you are, you just need a simple phone call or text message to be able to get in touch or talk to someone without wasting too much time. Besides, mobile phones serve as devices that can support us in emergencies. If you become lost or encounter unexpected problems on the road, mobile phones can help you contact someone quickly.

On the other hand, the impact of mobile phones also has negative aspects in our lives. The most common criticism is that mobile phones distract people from their work. Many people spend excessive time using mobile phones, such as playing video games or surfing the Internet, without focusing on their work or studies. This significantly decreases work efficiency. In addition, excessive use of cell phones significantly affects health, especially eye problems.

In conclusion, mobile phones have clear disadvantages for people. However, they also bring useful benefits that enhance our lives. I strongly believe that the advantages of mobile phones will outweigh their disadvantages.