It has been said that the world is becoming a global village in which there are no boundaries to trade and communication. Do the benefits of globalisation outweigh the drawbacks?

People believed that the world is becoming a global village where there are no boundaries to trade and communication. In my opinion, it is clear that the advantages of globalization outweigh the drawbacks.

The first point to make is that there are many upsides about trading. For example, free trade, such as # traffics and food, is designed to reduce barriers so that people could buy a car without expensive tax and easily import and export food faster, # and much cheaper. Besides that, products are better at lower price for customers to have various options from different countries, # because they will choose the best and cheapest. However, people will take the best option for themself if foreign goods have a high quality and minimize prices so they would not buy any domestic goods. And that country would not thrive as much as it could be. In the other hand, the second point to make is communication # foreign. For example, globalization has improved cross-cultural understanding. A globalized society gives people a chance to know another traditions, customs,…

In conclusion, globalization would be a threat to nation traditions. However, globalization is outweighed by the advantages of it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People believed" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: Using "It is widely believed" instead of "People believed" shifts the focus from the subjective perspective to a more objective, formal tone, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the world is becoming a global village" -> "the world is increasingly becoming a global village"
Explanation: Adding "increasingly" enhances the precision by emphasizing the ongoing process of globalization, which is more accurate and formal.
"there are no boundaries to trade and communication" -> "there are no geographical barriers to trade and communication"
Explanation: Replacing "boundaries" with "geographical barriers" provides a more specific and precise term, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"the advantages of globalization outweigh the drawbacks" -> "the benefits of globalization outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: Using "benefits" and "disadvantages" instead of "advantages" and "drawbacks" aligns with more formal academic language, enhancing the clarity and precision of the statement.
"many upsides about trading" -> "numerous advantages of trade"
Explanation: "Numerous advantages of trade" is more precise and formal than "many upsides about trading," which is colloquial and vague.
"free trade, such as # traffics and food" -> "free trade, including transportation and food"
Explanation: Replacing "# traffics" with "transportation" corrects a typographical error and uses a more formal term. "Including" is preferred over "such as" for listing examples in formal writing.
"people could buy a car without expensive tax" -> "individuals can purchase a vehicle without incurring excessive taxes"
Explanation: "Individuals can purchase a vehicle without incurring excessive taxes" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the phrase to "excessive taxes" for accuracy.
"and much cheaper" -> "and significantly cheaper"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise adverb than "much," which is vague and informal.
"products are better at lower price" -> "products are available at lower prices"
Explanation: "Available at lower prices" is grammatically correct and more formal than "better at lower price."
"for customers to have various options" -> "for customers to have a wider range of options"
Explanation: "A wider range of options" is more precise and formal than "various options."
"they will choose the best and cheapest" -> "they will opt for the most suitable and affordable"
Explanation: "Opt for the most suitable and affordable" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "cheapest."
"In the other hand" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "In the other hand" is a typographical error.
"communication # foreign" -> "communication with foreign countries"
Explanation: "With foreign countries" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"globalization would be a threat to nation traditions" -> "globalization poses a threat to national traditions"
Explanation: "Poses a threat to national traditions" is grammatically correct and uses "national" instead of "nation" for clarity and formality.
"However, globalization is outweighed by the advantages of it" -> "However, the benefits of globalization outweigh its disadvantages"
Explanation: "The benefits of globalization outweigh its disadvantages" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the comparison.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of globalization. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the drawbacks, which are only briefly mentioned in the conclusion. The discussion primarily focuses on the advantages of globalization, particularly in trade and communication, but does not sufficiently elaborate on the potential negative impacts, such as cultural homogenization or economic disparities. This imbalance results in an incomplete response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly outline and discuss the drawbacks of globalization in a dedicated paragraph. This could include examples such as job losses in certain sectors, environmental concerns, or the erosion of local cultures. A balanced approach will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of globalization at the beginning, asserting that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, the position becomes less clear in the body paragraphs where the discussion of drawbacks is minimal and somewhat vague. The phrase "However, globalization would be a threat to nation traditions" in the conclusion introduces ambiguity, as it suggests a significant concern but does not provide a clear resolution or reiteration of the initial stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point back to the central argument that benefits outweigh drawbacks. Using transitional phrases that reiterate the main argument can also help in maintaining clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the benefits of globalization, particularly in trade and communication. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of "free trade" and its advantages is vague and lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claims. Additionally, the discussion on communication is incomplete and does not fully explore how globalization enhances cross-cultural understanding.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point should be elaborated upon with specific instances or statistics that illustrate the benefits of globalization. Additionally, addressing counterarguments and providing a more nuanced discussion will strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on globalization and its effects. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain statements is questionable, particularly in the discussion of trade. The phrase "people will take the best option for themself" could be seen as deviating from the main focus, as it does not directly relate to the broader implications of globalization.
- How to improve: To ensure that the essay remains focused, the writer should avoid vague statements that do not contribute directly to the argument. Each sentence should clearly relate back to the central thesis of the essay. A clear outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and maintaining focus throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both benefits and drawbacks of globalization, maintain a consistent position throughout, provide detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall assessment of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas that are relevant to the topic of globalization; however, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing trade to communication is abrupt, and the points made within each section are not fully developed. The first paragraph introduces the advantages of trade but does not clearly link these advantages to the overall argument about globalization. Additionally, the mention of drawbacks appears somewhat disjointed and is not adequately integrated into the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should create a clear outline before writing the essay. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Transition phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus will help maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph mixes multiple ideas about trade without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow. The second paragraph begins to discuss communication but lacks a clear connection to the previous points, and it feels incomplete. The conclusion is also vague and does not summarize the key arguments effectively.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of trade, while another could address the benefits of communication. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay and restate the writer’s opinion clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall coherence. Phrases such as "for example" and "besides that" are used, but they do not sufficiently connect the ideas or provide a smooth transition between thoughts. The use of cohesive devices is repetitive and lacks variety, which can make the writing feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "As a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, referring back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with them.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on basic terms and phrases. For instance, the use of "upsides about trading" and "various options from different countries" shows some attempt at variety, but these phrases are somewhat simplistic. Additionally, the phrase "the best option for themself" is awkwardly constructed and lacks sophistication. The vocabulary choices, such as "food" and "car," are quite general and do not reflect a higher level of lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more advanced and varied vocabulary. For example, instead of "upsides about trading," they could use "benefits of international trade." Additionally, using synonyms or more specific terms (e.g., "automobiles" instead of "cars") can elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication. Engaging with academic vocabulary related to globalization and trade would also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "free trade, such as # traffics and food" is unclear, as "traffics" does not appropriately convey the intended meaning. Furthermore, the term "the best option for themself" should be "themselves," indicating a grammatical error that affects the precision of the vocabulary used.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. They could replace "traffics" with "goods" or "products" to clarify the context of free trade. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will help in using vocabulary correctly. Using contextually appropriate phrases, such as "competitive advantage" instead of "best option," can also enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "the best option for themself" should be "themselves," and "In the other hand" should be "On the other hand." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short essays or paragraphs and then proofreading them carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help identify errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reading more extensively can familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage in context, which can reinforce learning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall essay quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For instance, phrases like "the first point to make is that there are many upsides about trading" and "In the other hand, the second point to make is communication" are straightforward and do not utilize more complex grammatical forms, such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence openings. The use of phrases like "However, globalization is outweighed by the advantages of it" also indicates a lack of syntactical variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using relative clauses or conditional structures. For example, instead of stating "the advantages of globalization outweigh the drawbacks," the writer could say, "While globalization presents certain drawbacks, the advantages it offers, such as increased trade opportunities and cultural exchange, significantly outweigh these issues." Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in this regard.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "such as # traffics and food" is unclear and improperly structured. The use of "the best option for themself" should be "themselves," indicating a lack of subject-verb agreement and correct pronoun usage. Additionally, the sentence "In the other hand" should be "On the other hand," which is a common idiomatic expression. Punctuation errors, such as the inappropriate use of commas, also detract from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, pronoun usage, and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from knowledgeable peers or instructors can help identify persistent errors. Moreover, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument regarding globalization, it requires significant improvement in both the range of grammatical structures used and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People believe that the world is becoming a global village where there are no boundaries to trade and communication. In my opinion, it is clear that the advantages of globalization outweigh the drawbacks.

The first point to make is that there are many upsides to trading. For example, free trade, including transportation and food, is designed to reduce barriers so that people can buy a car without incurring excessive taxes and easily import and export food faster and significantly cheaper. Besides that, products are available at lower prices for customers to have a wider range of options from different countries, because they will opt for the most suitable and affordable. However, people will choose the best option for themselves if foreign goods have high quality and lower prices, so they may not buy any domestic goods. As a result, that country would not thrive as much as it could. On the other hand, the second point to make is communication with foreign countries. For example, globalization has improved cross-cultural understanding. A globalized society gives people a chance to know other traditions and customs.

In conclusion, globalization poses a threat to national traditions. However, the benefits of globalization outweigh its disadvantages.