Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some individuals are of the opinion that studying online would not be as beneficial as participating in face-to-face classrooms. I strongly agree with this perspective, which is explained further in this essay.
There is evidence that children have the responsibility to grow up and become well-mannered citizens by education, caring, and support from their families, especially from schools. In order to fully develop oneself, classroom-based school may guarantee this idea based on physical encouragement, strong connection of children with teachers and their peers, and special tutoring. This system not only enables one to improve mentally but also physically. Conversely, being a participant in digital studying has restricted certain of the benefits as a result of time-limited classrooms or student inactivity. Furthermore, lack of opportunities will have negative impacts on their later lives as they face real-life situations at the workplace or potentially damage certain aspects of their abilities, although they are perfect in brain and heart.
As a student lucky enough to participate in real-life school, thanks to all tutor institutes that have effectively influenced my adulthood because of the opportunities I was given, changing myself to become an independent, creative, acknowledged, and active person. Nevertheless, school efforts would be impossible to affect a child if the families and communities had not given a hand, creating our next generation's life better. By methods of tutoring by love and sharing, we will then increase their quality of life.
In conclusion, although digital learning offers convenience for children who live far distances and cannot attend school, I believe that studying surrounded by friends and tutors always has better benefits for self-improvement and academic achievement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
   Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise expression than "are of the opinion," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.

2. "I strongly agree with this perspective" -> "I firmly support this viewpoint"
   Explanation: "Firmly support" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "strongly agree," which can sound overly emotional and less formal.

3. "children have the responsibility to grow up" -> "children are responsible for their development"
   Explanation: "Are responsible for their development" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea that children have a role in their own growth.

4. "well-mannered citizens" -> "well-behaved citizens"
   Explanation: "Well-behaved" is a more specific and commonly accepted term in academic writing than "well-mannered," which can be seen as less formal.

5. "classroom-based school" -> "traditional classroom-based education"
   Explanation: "Traditional classroom-based education" clarifies that the context is referring to a specific type of educational setting, enhancing specificity and formality.

6. "physical encouragement" -> "physical support"
   Explanation: "Physical support" is a more precise term that accurately describes the type of assistance being discussed, whereas "encouragement" can be vague and less formal.

7. "strong connection of children with teachers and their peers" -> "strong bonds between children, teachers, and peers"
   Explanation: "Bonds" is a more precise term than "connection," and specifying "between" clarifies the relationships involved.

8. "being a participant in digital studying" -> "participating in digital learning"
   Explanation: "Participating in digital learning" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "being a participant in digital studying."

9. "restricted certain of the benefits" -> "limited certain benefits"
   Explanation: "Limited certain benefits" is grammatically correct and clearer than "restricted certain of the benefits," which is awkward and incorrect.

10. "lack of opportunities will have negative impacts" -> "the absence of opportunities will have adverse effects"
    Explanation: "The absence of opportunities" is more formal and precise than "lack of opportunities," and "adverse effects" is a more academic term than "negative impacts."

11. "perfect in brain and heart" -> "excellent in cognitive and emotional abilities"
    Explanation: "Excellent in cognitive and emotional abilities" is a more formal and precise way to describe a person’s mental and emotional capabilities.

12. "lucky enough to participate" -> "fortunate to participate"
    Explanation: "Fortunate" is a more formal and less colloquial term than "lucky enough," which is informal and slightly awkward in this context.

13. "tutor institutes" -> "educational institutions"
    Explanation: "Educational institutions" is a more formal and accurate term than "tutor institutes," which is unclear and informal.

14. "changing myself to become" -> "transforming myself into"
    Explanation: "Transforming myself into" is a more formal and precise expression than "changing myself to become," which is somewhat awkward and less formal.

15. "school efforts would be impossible to affect a child" -> "school efforts would be insufficient to influence a child"
    Explanation: "Influence" is a more precise term than "affect" in this context, and "insufficient" is more formal than "impossible," which can imply a complete inability.

16. "By methods of tutoring by love and sharing" -> "Through methods of tutoring based on love and sharing"
    Explanation: "Through methods of tutoring based on love and sharing" clarifies the nature of the tutoring and is more formal and precise than the original phrase.

17. "increase their quality of life" -> "enhance their quality of life"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "increase" in this context, suggesting a more profound and positive impact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of traditional classroom learning over online education. The author states their position in the introduction and supports it throughout the essay with relevant points about the benefits of face-to-face interaction, such as social development and physical encouragement. However, while the essay acknowledges the advantages of online learning, it could have explored this aspect in more detail to provide a balanced view of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly outlining the benefits of online learning before refuting them. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument by addressing counterpoints.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong position in favor of classroom learning, which is evident in the consistent use of phrases like "I strongly agree" and "I believe." However, there are moments where the phrasing becomes convoluted, such as "changing myself to become an independent, creative, acknowledged, and active person," which could confuse readers about the main argument.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should aim for simpler and more direct language. Ensuring that each paragraph clearly reinforces the main argument will help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of classroom learning, such as social interaction and personal development. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "strong connection of children with teachers and their peers" could be elaborated with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate these benefits in practice.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to expand on key ideas with specific examples or evidence. This could involve discussing personal experiences in more detail or referencing studies that support the claims made about the advantages of classroom learning.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of classroom learning. However, there are instances where the argument becomes slightly muddled, particularly in the discussion about the role of families and communities. While relevant, this point could distract from the main argument if not clearly tied back to the benefits of classroom learning.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the main argument. It may be helpful to use topic sentences that clearly link each paragraph back to the central thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides of the issue, clearer language, more developed examples, and tighter focus on the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that classroom-based learning is more beneficial than online learning. The introduction sets the tone well, and the body paragraphs generally follow a logical progression of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of physical classrooms, while the second contrasts these with the limitations of online learning. However, the connection between ideas could be more explicit, particularly in transitioning between points. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of physical classrooms to the drawbacks of online learning could be smoother to enhance the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the structure within some paragraphs could be improved. For example, the second body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even a new paragraph to avoid confusion. The paragraph discussing personal experience feels slightly disconnected from the main argument, which could lead to a loss of coherence.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are directly relevant to that idea. Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance clarity. Additionally, linking personal experiences more explicitly to the argument can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Conversely" and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas and signal shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "thanks to all tutor institutes" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, which could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover," "Additionally," or "Consequently" can help to create more nuanced connections between ideas. It is also beneficial to ensure that each cohesive device used clearly relates to the ideas it connects, thus enhancing the overall clarity of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "well-mannered citizens," "physical encouragement," and "independent, creative, acknowledged, and active person." However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, phrases like "digital studying" and "real-life school" are somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives like "online education" or "traditional classroom settings."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "beneficial," the writer could use "advantageous," "favorable," or "conducive." Engaging with a wider array of academic vocabulary related to education and learning will also strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are moments of imprecision that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "certain of the benefits" is vague and could be more clearly articulated as "some benefits." Additionally, the phrase "perfect in brain and heart" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Using more direct language will help convey ideas more effectively. For instance, instead of "potentially damage certain aspects of their abilities," the writer could say "may hinder their skill development." Regularly practicing paraphrasing and summarizing academic texts can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are instances where spelling could be improved, such as "tutor institutes," which may be better expressed as "tutoring institutions." Additionally, "thanks to all tutor institutes" could be rephrased for clarity and grammatical correctness.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Furthermore, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound structures. For instance, the writer uses phrases like "not only… but also" and "although…". However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied to enhance readability and engagement. For example, the sentence "In order to fully develop oneself, classroom-based school may guarantee this idea based on physical encouragement…" is somewhat convoluted and could be simplified or restructured for clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. For example, instead of saying "This system not only enables one to improve mentally but also physically," the writer could rephrase it to "This system not only enables mental improvement but also fosters physical development, which is crucial for holistic growth." Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or using different subjects) would enhance the overall flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. For instance, phrases like "certain of the benefits" are awkward and should be revised to "some of the benefits." Additionally, the phrase "thanks to all tutor institutes that have effectively influenced my adulthood" could be clearer if rephrased to "thanks to the tutoring institutions that have significantly influenced my development into adulthood." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially from schools" in the first paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on revising awkward phrases and ensuring that all sentences are clear and concise. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation is needed for better flow and understanding.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals are of the opinion that studying online is not as beneficial as participating in face-to-face classrooms. I strongly agree with this perspective, which is explained further in this essay.

There is evidence that children are responsible for their development into well-mannered citizens through education, care, and support from their families, especially from schools. In order to fully develop oneself, traditional classroom-based education may guarantee this idea based on physical support, strong bonds between children, teachers, and peers, and special tutoring. This system not only enables one to improve mentally but also physically. Conversely, participating in digital learning has limited certain benefits due to time-limited classrooms or student inactivity. Furthermore, the absence of opportunities will have adverse effects on their later lives as they face real-life situations in the workplace or potentially damage certain aspects of their abilities, even though they may excel in cognitive and emotional skills.

As a student fortunate enough to participate in real-life school, I am grateful to all the educational institutions that have effectively influenced my adulthood because of the opportunities I was given, transforming myself into an independent, creative, acknowledged, and active person. Nevertheless, school efforts would be insufficient to influence a child if families and communities do not lend a hand, creating a better life for our next generation. Through methods of tutoring based on love and sharing, we will then enhance their quality of life.

In conclusion, although digital learning offers convenience for children who live far away and cannot attend school, I believe that studying surrounded by friends and tutors always has better benefits for self-improvement and academic achievement.