the graph below show the total number of overseas visitors to a country between 1987 and 2007

The chart illustrates the number of international visitors to three distinct regions of a country—the coast, the countryside, and the mountains—from 1987 to 2007. Over the two decades, tourism to all three areas rose, with the coast beginning and ending the period as the most favored destination.

Despite the coast being the most visited area in both 1987 and 2007, with 50,000 and 70,000 visitors respectively, it saw a decline between 1987 and 1992, dropping to second place behind the countryside. Subsequently, the number of visitors gradually increased, allowing the coast to regain the top position around the year 2000.

The mountains, although the least popular destination for most of the period, experienced consistent growth in overseas visitors. Starting with 18,000 visitors in 1987, this number steadily rose to 30,000 by 2007. Notably, the mountains were the only destination that did not experience any decline in visitors throughout the period.

In 1987, the countryside was the least visited area, attracting just 10,000 foreign tourists. However, this number surged sixfold over the following decade, making it the leading destination throughout the 1990s. After peaking at approximately 63,000 visitors in 1997, the countryside’s popularity declined, ending at 55,000 visitors in 2007.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart illustrates" -> "The graph depicts"
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates" with "depicts" provides a more precise term for academic writing, as "depicts" is commonly used in formal contexts to describe visual representations of data.
"the coast, the countryside, and the mountains" -> "the coastal, rural, and mountainous regions"
Explanation: Using "coastal, rural, and mountainous regions" instead of "the coast, the countryside, and the mountains" enhances specificity and formality, aligning better with academic style.
"rose" -> "increased"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal and precise term than "rose," which is somewhat informal and less specific in this context.
"the coast beginning and ending the period as the most favored destination" -> "the coast, initially and ultimately, the most favored destination"
Explanation: "Initially and ultimately" provides a clearer temporal structure and is more formal than "beginning and ending," which is somewhat colloquial.
"it saw a decline" -> "it experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal and precise than "saw," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"Subsequently, the number of visitors gradually increased" -> "Subsequently, the number of visitors gradually rose"
Explanation: "Rose" is more specific to the context of increasing numbers, making it a better choice than "increased" in this instance.
"allowing the coast to regain the top position" -> "enabling the coast to regain the top position"
Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal and precise than "allowing," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"the least popular destination for most of the period" -> "the least visited destination throughout the period"
Explanation: "Throughout the period" is more precise and formal than "for most of the period," which is somewhat vague.
"experienced consistent growth" -> "exhibited consistent growth"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and academically appropriate than "experienced," which can be ambiguous in this context.
"Notably, the mountains were the only destination that did not experience any decline" -> "Notably, the mountains were the sole destination that did not experience a decline"
Explanation: "Sole" is more precise and formal than "only," and "a decline" is grammatically correct in this context.
"the countryside was the least visited area" -> "the countryside was the least visited region"
Explanation: "Region" is a more formal term than "area" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"surged sixfold" -> "increased sixfold"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal and precise term than "surged," which can be seen as too colloquial for academic writing.
"the countryside’s popularity declined" -> "the countryside’s popularity decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal synonym for "declined," and the possessive form "countryside’s" is correct in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the graph, highlighting the key features of each region. It accurately describes the changes in visitor numbers over time, including the periods of growth and decline. The essay also makes appropriate comparisons between the regions, such as noting that the mountains were the only destination that did not experience any decline in visitors.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in visitor numbers. For example, instead of saying that the countryside’s popularity declined, the essay could state that the number of visitors to the countryside decreased by 8,000 between 1997 and 2007. Additionally, the essay could be made more concise by removing some of the redundant information, such as the statement that the coast was the most visited area in both 1987 and 2007.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph presents a distinct topic related to the regions discussed, with a clear central focus on the trends in visitor numbers. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between sentences could be more fluid. Overall, the paragraphing is effective, but there are minor areas where the cohesion could be improved to enhance the overall clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and enhancing the logical flow between sentences would strengthen the coherence. More explicit linking phrases could also help in guiding the reader through the progression of ideas more smoothly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the graph. The use of terms like "illustrates," "distinct regions," "favored destination," and "consistent growth" indicates an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "surged sixfold," which could be more clearly expressed as "increased sixfold." Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, it lacks some of the sophistication and variety that could elevate it to a higher band.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of less common lexical items and ensure precise word choices throughout the essay. Additionally, minimizing any inaccuracies in collocation and enhancing the overall sophistication of vocabulary would strengthen the lexical resource. Regular practice with advanced vocabulary and seeking feedback on word choice can also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which indicates good control of grammar and punctuation. The writer effectively communicates the trends in the data, using appropriate vocabulary and linking phrases to connect ideas. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that slightly detract from the overall clarity and accuracy, preventing a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on minimizing grammatical errors and ensuring that all sentences are clear and fluid. This can be done by proofreading for common mistakes, using a wider range of sentence structures, and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed accurately. Additionally, enhancing the variety of vocabulary and improving the cohesion between ideas can further strengthen the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the number of international visitors to three distinct regions of a country—the coast, the countryside, and the mountains—from 1987 to 2007. Over the two decades, tourism to all three areas increased, with the coast beginning and ending the period as the most favored destination.

Despite the coast being the most visited area in both 1987 and 2007, with 50,000 and 70,000 visitors respectively, it experienced a decline between 1987 and 1992, dropping to second place behind the countryside. Subsequently, the number of visitors gradually increased, enabling the coast to regain its top position around the year 2000.

In 1987, the countryside was the least visited area, attracting just 10,000 foreign tourists. However, this figure surged sixfold over the following decade, making it the leading destination throughout the 1990s. After peaking at approximately 63,000 visitors in 1997, the countryside’s popularity declined, ending at 55,000 visitors in 2007.