More and more students are choosing to study abroad for their tertiary education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, pursuing tertiary education abroad is an increasingly prominent option among students. Although this educational path can have some disadvantages for learners, I would contend that it can present far more significant advantages.

On the one hand, it is justifiable to go overseas for further education can affect students’ mental and physical health. Firstly, international students’ psychological well-being can be impacted by cultural shock while being exposed to new cultures and languages. Indeed, facing a language barrier, they may initially suffer from feelings of overwhelm and disorientation, leading to a sense of loneliness and homesickness. Furthermore, these limited language skills and cultural adjustment can be attributable to a lack of healthcare. Owing to insufficient insight into the policies of this field, medical expenses can be prohibitive, resulting in delayed treatment. However, these challenges are often temporary, particularly for students with sufficient language skills. For instance, Vietnamese students seeking admission to enroll in abroad universities are required to acquire a rather high score on the IELTS examination, demonstrating their ability to comprehend in an academic setting.

Therefore, I would argue that the benefits of this well-chosen study path far surpass its drawbacks. One significant advantage is the opportunity to widen horizons and cultivate knowledge through diverse pedagogical approaches. This exposure to different teaching methods fosters intellectual growth and personal development, ultimately leading to a more well-rounded individual. Furthermore, corporate outlooks would be a rationale for embarking on studying abroad for post-secondary education. Along with advanced knowledge, students can garner international experience and skills, such as intercultural sensitivity; consequently, not only can they be perceived as good contenders by employers but also they can secure their career trajectory, which is enhanced by superior adaptability.

In conclusion, while studying abroad may present some disadvantages on physical and mental health, I believe that the positive aspects of this option, ranging from broadening horizons and honing skills to employability, outweigh these challenges.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"an increasingly prominent option" -> "an increasingly popular option"
Explanation: "Popular" is more specific and commonly used in academic contexts to describe trends or preferences, whereas "prominent" can imply prominence in a broader sense.
"it can have some disadvantages for learners" -> "it may present certain disadvantages for students"
Explanation: "May present" is more formal and precise than "can have," and "students" is more specific than "learners" in this context.
"it can present far more significant advantages" -> "it offers significantly more advantages"
Explanation: "Offers" is more direct and formal than "present," and "significantly more" is a more precise adverbial phrase than "far more significant."
"it is justifiable to go overseas for further education can affect" -> "going overseas for further education can affect"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase removes redundancy and improves readability and formality.
"international students’ psychological well-being" -> "the psychological well-being of international students"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves clarity and formality by placing the possessive correctly.
"Indeed, facing a language barrier" -> "Indeed, the presence of a language barrier"
Explanation: "The presence of" is more formal and precise than "facing," which is somewhat colloquial.
"they may initially suffer from feelings of overwhelm and disorientation" -> "they may initially experience feelings of overwhelm and disorientation"
Explanation: "Experience" is more academically appropriate than "suffer from," which can imply a negative emotional state.
"Owing to insufficient insight into the policies of this field" -> "Due to a lack of understanding of the policies in this field"
Explanation: "Due to a lack of understanding" is more precise and formal than "owing to insufficient insight."
"resulting in delayed treatment" -> "resulting in delayed medical treatment"
Explanation: Adding "medical" clarifies the type of treatment being referred to, enhancing specificity.
"Vietnamese students seeking admission to enroll in abroad universities" -> "Vietnamese students seeking admission to universities abroad"
Explanation: "Universities abroad" is a more natural and formal way to express the location of the institutions.
"comprehend in an academic setting" -> "comprehend academic settings"
Explanation: "Academic settings" is grammatically correct and more formal than "an academic setting."
"corporate outlooks" -> "career prospects"
Explanation: "Career prospects" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic and professional contexts than "corporate outlooks."
"not only can they be perceived as good contenders" -> "they can be viewed as strong candidates"
Explanation: "Viewed as strong candidates" is more formal and precise than "perceived as good contenders."
"they can secure their career trajectory" -> "they can enhance their career prospects"
Explanation: "Enhance their career prospects" is a more precise and formal way to describe the outcome of international experience.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style to better suit an academic essay, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. The introduction clearly states the writer’s contention that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The first body paragraph outlines the disadvantages, focusing on mental and physical health issues, such as cultural shock and language barriers. The second body paragraph presents several advantages, including exposure to diverse teaching methods and improved employability. This balanced approach demonstrates a thorough understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics related to the disadvantages mentioned. For instance, citing studies on the mental health of international students or providing data on employment rates for graduates who studied abroad could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the advantages and disadvantages could clarify the writer’s position.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages. The use of phrases like "I would contend" and "I believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. The conclusion succinctly reiterates this position, summarizing the main points discussed.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the disadvantages in the conclusion. A brief restatement of the key disadvantages alongside the advantages would reinforce the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of both sides.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, particularly in the advantages section, where it discusses intellectual growth and employability. The points made are relevant and logically connected, with some supporting details provided. For example, the mention of "intercultural sensitivity" and its impact on employability is a strong point that adds depth to the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include more detailed examples or anecdotes that illustrate the advantages of studying abroad. For instance, sharing a specific success story of a student who studied abroad and achieved career success could make the argument more compelling. Additionally, expanding on how diverse pedagogical approaches contribute to personal development would provide a more robust support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. The writer avoids irrelevant information and maintains a clear connection to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad. For instance, the mention of "limited language skills and cultural adjustment" could be more explicitly linked to the overall argument about how these factors impact the advantages of studying abroad. A tighter connection between points and the central argument would enhance the coherence of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing the support for ideas, and ensuring tighter connections between points and the central argument, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into two main sections: one discussing the disadvantages of studying abroad and the other focusing on the advantages. This logical division helps the reader follow the argument. For example, the first body paragraph effectively details the mental and physical health challenges faced by international students, while the second highlights the benefits of diverse educational experiences. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect the ideas in each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can be used at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal the shift from disadvantages to advantages more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses disadvantages, while the second addresses advantages, which is a good practice. However, the first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being split into two separate paragraphs to enhance readability and focus.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking down the first body paragraph into two: one focusing solely on psychological impacts and the other on physical health and healthcare challenges. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Furthermore," and "However," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Additionally" could be employed. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite these challenges," or "In contrast," to enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score further. Focusing on clearer transitions, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "cultural shock," "psychological well-being," "pedagogical approaches," and "intercultural sensitivity." These phrases effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the vocabulary. For example, the repeated use of "students" could be diversified with alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms during the drafting process. Utilizing a thesaurus or vocabulary-building apps can help identify alternatives. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to education and cultural exchange could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "psychological well-being" and "cultural adjustment" effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as the phrase "can be attributable to a lack of healthcare," which could be misinterpreted. It may imply that healthcare is the sole factor affecting students’ experiences rather than a contributing factor among others.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing sentences for clarity and considering whether the chosen words convey the nuances of the argument. For instance, instead of saying "can be attributable to," the writer could use "may stem from" to clarify the relationship between cultural adjustment and healthcare.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words like "overwhelm," "prohibitive," and "adaptability" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular reading and writing practice. Utilizing spell-check tools during the editing phase can also help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it periodically could reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay showcases a solid command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "Although this educational path can have some disadvantages for learners, I would contend that it can present far more significant advantages" effectively contrasts two ideas. Additionally, the phrase "Firstly, international students’ psychological well-being can be impacted by cultural shock while being exposed to new cultures and languages" showcases the use of subordinate clauses to elaborate on the main idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced (e.g., "One significant advantage is…" and "Furthermore…").
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "Firstly" or "Furthermore," you could use phrases like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Another point to consider is…" This will help create a more engaging flow and reduce redundancy.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "Owing to insufficient insight into the policies of this field, medical expenses can be prohibitive" is well-structured and correctly punctuated. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as in the sentence "it is justifiable to go overseas for further education can affect students’ mental and physical health," which lacks clarity and proper structure. The use of "can" here creates confusion about the subject of the sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that each sentence has a clear subject and verb agreement. In the aforementioned example, rephrasing to "It is justifiable to argue that going overseas for further education can negatively affect students’ mental and physical health" would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are properly separated and that the overall readability of the essay is enhanced.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, pursuing tertiary education abroad is an increasingly popular option among students. Although this educational path can have some disadvantages for learners, I would contend that it offers significantly more advantages.

On the one hand, it is justifiable to say that going overseas for further education can affect students’ mental and physical health. Firstly, the psychological well-being of international students can be impacted by cultural shock while being exposed to new cultures and languages. Indeed, the presence of a language barrier may lead them to initially experience feelings of overwhelm and disorientation, resulting in a sense of loneliness and homesickness. Furthermore, these limited language skills and cultural adjustments can contribute to challenges in accessing healthcare. Due to a lack of understanding of the policies in this field, medical expenses can be prohibitive, resulting in delayed medical treatment. However, these challenges are often temporary, particularly for students with sufficient language skills. For instance, Vietnamese students seeking admission to universities abroad are required to achieve a rather high score on the IELTS examination, demonstrating their ability to comprehend academic settings.

Therefore, I would argue that the benefits of this well-chosen study path far surpass its drawbacks. One significant advantage is the opportunity to widen horizons and cultivate knowledge through diverse pedagogical approaches. This exposure to different teaching methods fosters intellectual growth and personal development, ultimately leading to a more well-rounded individual. Furthermore, enhanced career prospects would be a rationale for embarking on studying abroad for post-secondary education. Along with advanced knowledge, students can garner international experience and skills, such as intercultural sensitivity; consequently, they can be viewed as strong candidates by employers, which can enhance their career prospects due to their superior adaptability.

In conclusion, while studying abroad may present certain disadvantages regarding physical and mental health, I believe that the positive aspects of this option, ranging from broadening horizons and honing skills to improving employability, outweigh these challenges.