Nowadays, children are using computers more than ever before. Is it a positive or negative development?

In the heyday of technology, there is an upward trend of children utilizing computers compared to previous times. From this perspective, children increasing their time spent before the screen can be deemed a beneficial advancement.

First and foremost, computers play a vital role in supporting children’s learning progression. Particularly, computers consist of several functions such as artificial intelligence, visual illustrators and extensions that are tailored to the purpose of studying. A telling example is the ultimate success of Duolingo, a language learning app with a friendly appearance that allows children to attain competence in various languages. In addition, the internet serves as an efficient assistance by providing a great source of information across several subjects that is forever readily available. By utilizing them, students are able to maximize their knowledge, get deeper insights into various fields and broaden their experiences. As a result, children are now better prepared for a competitive labor market by being comprehensively equipped with both theoretical knowledge and practical skills.

Another benefit is that being familiar with the use of computers can be regarded as an early orientation for youngsters. Specifically, not only are young generations capable of acquiring literacy or mathematics knowledge via online platforms, but they can also attain coding or establishing websites, which are crucial skills of a computer programmer. Dedicating a sensible amount of time on practicing those specialized skills in the long term helps young individuals eventually master them from an early stage of life. Therefore, the knowledge acquired can be considered as a foundation for pursuing professions associated with technology like app designer and software developer. Those jobs are now highly demanded by enormous technology corporations and companies, ensuring young workers a high level of income and a promising career path alongside.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of children being professional in computer use contains barely any drawbacks, let alone the great upcomings that can be achieved. Hence, it is believed that this trend would keep a steady development in the near future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the heyday of technology" -> "During the technological era"
Explanation: "During the technological era" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism of "heyday," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"children utilizing computers" -> "children using computers"
Explanation: "Using" is more direct and appropriate in formal academic writing compared to "utilizing," which can sound overly formal or pretentious.
"children increasing their time spent before the screen" -> "children spending more time in front of screens"
Explanation: "Spending more time in front of screens" is clearer and more natural, avoiding the awkward construction of "increasing their time spent before the screen."
"can be deemed a beneficial advancement" -> "is considered a beneficial advancement"
Explanation: "Is considered" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "can be deemed," which is less definitive.
"consist of several functions such as" -> "feature various functions including"
Explanation: "Feature various functions including" is more precise and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"tailored to the purpose of studying" -> "designed for educational purposes"
Explanation: "Designed for educational purposes" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"a friendly appearance" -> "an engaging interface"
Explanation: "An engaging interface" is a more precise and technical term suitable for describing the design of educational software.
"forever readily available" -> "constantly accessible"
Explanation: "Constantly accessible" is more formal and avoids the colloquialism of "forever," which is not typically used in academic writing.
"maximize their knowledge" -> "optimize their knowledge"
Explanation: "Optimize" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting improvement through efficient use.
"get deeper insights" -> "gain deeper insights"
Explanation: "Gain" is more formal and academically appropriate than "get," which is somewhat informal.
"being familiar with the use of computers" -> "being proficient in computer use"
Explanation: "Proficient in computer use" is more specific and formal, emphasizing skill level over mere familiarity.
"attain coding or establishing websites" -> "learn coding and develop websites"
Explanation: "Learn coding and develop websites" is clearer and more accurate, avoiding the awkward construction of "attain coding or establishing."
"dedicating a sensible amount of time" -> "devoting a reasonable amount of time"
Explanation: "Devoting a reasonable amount of time" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"young individuals eventually master them" -> "young individuals ultimately master them"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal and fitting for academic writing than "eventually," which can be less precise.
"the knowledge acquired can be considered as a foundation" -> "the knowledge acquired serves as a foundation"
Explanation: "Serves as a foundation" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "can be considered as."
"barely any drawbacks" -> "few drawbacks"
Explanation: "Few drawbacks" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "barely any."
"great upcomings" -> "significant advantages"
Explanation: "Significant advantages" is a more formal and accurate term than "great upcomings," which is not a standard expression.
"keep a steady development" -> "continue to evolve"
Explanation: "Continue to evolve" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase than "keep a steady development," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing that the increased use of computers by children is a positive development. It provides a clear perspective on the benefits of computer use, such as enhancing learning and preparing children for future careers. The essay discusses both educational advantages and the acquisition of essential skills, which directly respond to the question regarding the nature of this development.
- How to improve: While the essay is strong in its positive stance, it could be further enhanced by briefly acknowledging potential counterarguments or negative aspects of increased computer use. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position that increased computer use is beneficial is clearly stated in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout the essay. Each paragraph reinforces this stance with relevant examples and explanations, such as the role of computers in education and skill development.
- How to improve: To further solidify the clarity of the position, the writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the main argument, ensuring that the reader is constantly reminded of the essay’s central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-structured ideas supported by specific examples, such as the mention of Duolingo and the skills necessary for future technology-related careers. Each point is elaborated upon, providing depth to the argument that computer use is advantageous for children.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay further, the author could incorporate more diverse examples or statistics to support claims. For instance, citing studies on the impact of technology on learning outcomes could add credibility and depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of children’s computer use and its implications. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument without straying into unrelated areas, maintaining coherence and relevance throughout.
- How to improve: While the essay is well-focused, the writer should ensure that all examples directly tie back to the main argument. For instance, when discussing coding skills, it could be beneficial to explicitly connect this back to how these skills enhance children’s future opportunities in a tech-driven world.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the Task Response criteria for IELTS. The arguments are well-articulated, and the essay is coherent and focused. With minor adjustments, such as acknowledging counterarguments and incorporating more varied examples, the essay could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific benefit of children using computers, with the first paragraph focusing on educational advantages and the second on skill acquisition. The progression of ideas is coherent, as the essay builds upon the initial claim with supporting examples and explanations. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, a sentence at the end of the first paragraph could briefly mention how educational benefits lead to skill acquisition, thus setting up the next paragraph more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the role of computers in education, while the second elaborates on skill development. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it briefly summarizes the points without reinforcing the argument or providing a final thought.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and reiterating the overall argument. This could involve restating how the benefits discussed lead to a positive outcome for children, thereby reinforcing the essay’s main thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied phrases and connectors, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" when discussing contrasting points or additional benefits. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs to convey ideas. With minor adjustments to transitions, conclusion strength, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "heyday," "vital role," "artificial intelligence," and "comprehensively equipped." These choices reflect a solid understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "great source of information" is somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific terms like "vast repository of knowledge" or "extensive database of resources."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "children" multiple times, alternatives like "youngsters," "youth," or "students" could be used to add variety. Additionally, exploring more academic or technical vocabulary related to technology and education would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "a telling example is the ultimate success of Duolingo" could be misleading; "ultimate success" may imply a finality that doesn’t apply to an ongoing service. A more precise phrase could be "a notable example of success is Duolingo." Additionally, the term "efficient assistance" is somewhat awkward; "efficient resource" or "valuable tool" would convey the intended meaning more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Reviewing vocabulary in context and considering the nuances of meaning can help in selecting the most appropriate terms. Engaging in exercises that emphasize collocations and context-specific vocabulary can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "utilizing," "competence," and "orientation" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a good command of English spelling conventions. However, there is a minor error in the phrase "dedicating a sensible amount of time on practicing," where "on" should be replaced with "to."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in improving overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their lexical resource further in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Particularly, computers consist of several functions such as artificial intelligence, visual illustrators and extensions that are tailored to the purpose of studying." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey detailed information effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the phrase "the phenomenon of children being professional in computer use contains barely any drawbacks" could be rephrased to enhance clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, such as participial phrases or conditional clauses. For instance, starting sentences with "While many argue that…" or "Given the advancements in technology…" can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis, such as "Rarely do we see…" instead of "We rarely see…" can also enhance the essay’s sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the internet serves as an efficient assistance" should be corrected to "an efficient assistant" for proper noun usage. Punctuation is mostly accurate, although there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as in the list "artificial intelligence, visual illustrators and extensions," where a serial comma before "and" would be appropriate. Overall, the grammatical structures used are effective, but attention to detail is necessary to achieve perfection.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch minor errors, particularly in noun usage and punctuation. It may also be beneficial to practice writing sentences that require complex punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, to enhance clarity and sophistication. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and noun forms, can help solidify the writer’s command of English grammar.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance their writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the technological era, there is a noticeable trend of children utilizing computers more than ever before. From this perspective, children spending more time in front of screens can be considered a beneficial advancement.

First and foremost, computers play a vital role in supporting children’s learning progression. Specifically, computers feature various functions including artificial intelligence, visual aids, and tools designed for educational purposes. A telling example is the success of Duolingo, a language learning app with an engaging interface that allows children to attain proficiency in multiple languages. In addition, the internet serves as an efficient resource by providing a vast amount of information across various subjects that is constantly accessible. By utilizing these resources, students are able to optimize their knowledge, gain deeper insights into different fields, and broaden their experiences. As a result, children are now better prepared for a competitive labor market, being comprehensively equipped with both theoretical knowledge and practical skills.

Another benefit is that being proficient in computer use can be regarded as an early orientation for youngsters. Specifically, not only are young generations capable of acquiring literacy and mathematics skills via online platforms, but they can also learn coding and develop websites, which are crucial skills for future computer programmers. Devoting a reasonable amount of time to practicing these specialized skills in the long term helps young individuals ultimately master them from an early age. Therefore, the knowledge acquired serves as a foundation for pursuing professions associated with technology, such as app designers and software developers. These jobs are now highly demanded by numerous technology corporations, ensuring young workers a high level of income and a promising career path.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of children becoming proficient in computer use presents few drawbacks, especially when considering the significant advantages that can be achieved. Hence, it is believed that this trend will continue to evolve positively in the near future.