The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer's total sales in North America, South America, Europe and Asia.

The given chart illustrates the rate of car company's total sales in four different continents, namely North America, South America, Europe, and Asia, from 2006 to 2010.
As can be seen from the chart, the figure for Asia witnessed an upward trend, while the opposite was true for that of South America. Additionally, total sales of car manufacture in Asia was the highest figure in four continents.
In 2006, the proportion of vehicle manufacture’s total sales in Asia accounted for 30%, which was also equal to Europe ( 30%). In five years later, the figure for Asia experienced an gradual increase and hit the peak of 50 % in 2010.Furthermore, total sales of car companies in Europe fluctuated around 35% from 2007 to 2009 before hitting the lowest point of 30% in 2010.
The percentage of vehicle manufacture’s total sales in South America was 29%, in comparison with North America was only 11% in 2006.From the year 2007 onwards, the figure for South America fluctuated around 20%,before hitting the lowest point at 10% in 2010.Additonally, during the same time the proportion of vehicle manufacture’s total sales slightly decreased aprroximately 5%,followed by a significant increase by 11% in 2010

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"car company’s total sales" -> "automobile sales"
Explanation: "Automobile sales" is a more precise and formal term that avoids the possessive form, which is not typically used in this context in academic writing.
"namely" -> "specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is more formal and academically appropriate than "namely," which can sometimes sound informal or conversational.
"witnessed an upward trend" -> "experienced a steady increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a steady increase" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "witnessed."
"the opposite was true for that of South America" -> "the trend was reversed in South America"
Explanation: "The trend was reversed in South America" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "the opposite was true for that of."
"total sales of car manufacture" -> "automobile sales"
Explanation: "Automobile sales" is a more concise and formal term than "total sales of car manufacture," which is redundant and awkward.
"vehicle manufacture’s" -> "automobile manufacturing"
Explanation: "Automobile manufacturing" is the correct term and is more formal than "vehicle manufacture," which is grammatically incorrect.
"In five years later" -> "five years later"
Explanation: "Five years later" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the unnecessary word "in."
"experienced an gradual increase" -> "showed a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Showed a gradual increase" is grammatically correct and more formal than "experienced an gradual increase," which is awkward and incorrect.
"hit the peak" -> "reached its peak"
Explanation: "Reached its peak" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"fluctuated around" -> "varied"
Explanation: "Varied" is a more concise and formal term than "fluctuated around," which is somewhat colloquial.
"in comparison with" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compared to" is a more standard and formal way to introduce a comparison in academic writing.
"was only" -> "was significantly lower"
Explanation: "Was significantly lower" provides a clearer and more precise comparison than "was only," which is vague and informal.
"aproximately" -> "approximately"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "aproximately" to "approximately."
"slightly decreased" -> "slightly decreased by"
Explanation: Adding "by" clarifies the extent of the decrease, making the statement more precise and formal.
"followed by a significant increase by 11%" -> "followed by a significant increase of 11%"
Explanation: "A significant increase of 11%" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a significant increase by 11%," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data in a more concise and organized way. The essay should avoid focusing on irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression in the argument. While it attempts to describe trends in car sales across different continents, the flow of information is sometimes disjointed, and the connections between ideas are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "the opposite was true for that of South America" could be better articulated to enhance clarity. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive phrasing and a lack of effective referencing, which detracts from the overall coherence. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, improving the logical arrangement of information and ensuring that transitions between points are smooth will contribute to a more cohesive essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate confusion and enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "witnessed," "fluctuated," and "accounted for," but there are several inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "car company’s total sales" instead of "car manufacturers’ total sales," and "vehicle manufacture’s total sales" which is awkwardly phrased. There are also noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "an gradual increase" (should be "a gradual increase") and "Additonally" (should be "Additionally"). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and fewer errors. This includes practicing the correct forms of words and ensuring that collocations are used appropriately. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would improve clarity and professionalism in the writing. Expanding vocabulary through reading and using synonyms can also help in conveying more nuanced meanings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. For instance, phrases like "the figure for Asia witnessed an upward trend" and "the percentage of vehicle manufacture’s total sales in South America was 29%" show some variety, but errors such as "an gradual increase" (should be "a gradual increase") and "Additonally" (should be "Additionally") indicate frequent grammatical mistakes. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, particularly in understanding the overall flow and coherence of the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on increasing the use of complex sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This can be achieved by practicing sentence variety, such as combining clauses effectively and using a wider range of conjunctions. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before submission can help improve overall clarity and coherence. Engaging with more advanced grammar exercises and reading high-scoring IELTS essays can also provide valuable insights into effective writing techniques.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart illustrates the percentage of car manufacturers’ total sales across four different continents, namely North America, South America, Europe, and Asia, from 2006 to 2010. As can be seen from the chart, the figure for Asia witnessed an upward trend, while the opposite was true for South America. Additionally, total sales of car manufacturers in Asia represented the highest figure among the four continents.

In 2006, the proportion of vehicle manufacturers’ total sales in Asia accounted for 30%, which was also equal to that of Europe (30%). Five years later, the figure for Asia experienced a gradual increase, reaching a peak of 50% in 2010. Furthermore, total sales of car companies in Europe fluctuated around 35% from 2007 to 2009 before hitting the lowest point of 30% in 2010.

The percentage of vehicle manufacturers’ total sales in South America was 29%, in comparison to North America’s figure of only 11% in 2006. From 2007 onwards, the figure for South America fluctuated around 20%, before hitting the lowest point at 10% in 2010. Additionally, during the same period, the proportion of vehicle manufacturers’ total sales in North America slightly decreased by approximately 5%, followed by a significant increase of 11% in 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer’s total sales in North America, South America, Europe and Asia.