Some people believe many young people do not play sports because they afraid of losing. Therefore, sports competitions should be banned. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that many young people avoid playing sports because they fear losing, leading to calls for banning sports competitions. However, I disagree with this idea. Instead of eliminating competitions, we should focus on fostering a healthier attitude toward sports.
Sports competitions teach valuable life skills, such as resilience, teamwork, and handling both success and failure. These lessons are crucial for personal growth, and banning competitions would deny young people the chance to develop these traits. While fear of losing is common, it can be managed through proper guidance. Coaches and parents can help young athletes understand that losing is part of the learning process, encouraging them to persevere.
Moreover, competitions provide motivation for self-improvement and goal-setting. When framed positively, they inspire young people to challenge themselves. Rather than banning competitions, we should promote a balanced approach that prioritizes effort, enjoyment, and personal growth over winning at all costs.
In conclusion, banning sports competitions is not the answer. A supportive and encouraging environment can help young people overcome their fear of losing and enjoy the many benefits that sports offer.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "It is believed by some"
Explanation: The phrase "It is believed by some" is more formal and academically appropriate than "Some people believe," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"avoid playing sports because they fear losing" -> "refrain from participating in sports due to the fear of losing"
Explanation: "Refrain from participating in sports due to the fear of losing" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"leading to calls for banning" -> "prompting calls for the prohibition of"
Explanation: "Prompting calls for the prohibition of" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"Instead of eliminating competitions" -> "Rather than eliminating competitions"
Explanation: "Rather than" is a more formal alternative to "Instead of," which is slightly more conversational.
"fostering a healthier attitude toward sports" -> "promoting a healthier attitude towards sports"
Explanation: "Promoting" is more specific and formal than "fostering," and "towards" is the correct preposition in this context.
"Sports competitions teach" -> "Sports competitions impart"
Explanation: "Impart" is a more formal and precise verb than "teach" in this context, suggesting a more direct transmission of skills.
"banning competitions would deny young people" -> "the prohibition of competitions would deprive young people"
Explanation: "The prohibition of competitions would deprive young people" uses more formal vocabulary and is more precise in conveying the negative impact.
"Coaches and parents can help young athletes understand" -> "Coaches and parents can assist young athletes in understanding"
Explanation: "Assist young athletes in understanding" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"losing is part of the learning process" -> "losing is an integral part of the learning process"
Explanation: "An integral part" emphasizes the essential nature of losing in the learning process, making the statement more formal and precise.
"competitions provide motivation for self-improvement and goal-setting" -> "competitions serve as a catalyst for self-improvement and goal-setting"
Explanation: "Serve as a catalyst" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "provide motivation," which is somewhat vague.
"When framed positively" -> "When presented positively"
Explanation: "Presented positively" is more specific and formal than "framed positively," which is less commonly used in academic contexts.
"Rather than banning competitions" -> "Instead of prohibiting competitions"
Explanation: "Instead of prohibiting" is more formal and precise than "Rather than banning," aligning better with academic style.
"a supportive and encouraging environment" -> "an environment that is supportive and encouraging"
Explanation: "An environment that is supportive and encouraging" is grammatically correct and more formal, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the idea of banning sports competitions. However, it does not fully explore the reasons why some people believe competitions should be banned, nor does it adequately discuss the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the notion. The essay mentions the fear of losing but does not delve into the implications of this fear or the perspectives of those who advocate for the ban. For instance, the essay could have included a discussion on the potential negative impacts of competition on youth, which would provide a more balanced view of the topic.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should incorporate a brief overview of the opposing viewpoint regarding the banning of competitions. This could involve acknowledging the reasons behind the fear of losing and discussing the potential consequences of competition on young people’s mental health. Additionally, explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement (e.g., "I partially agree that…") would clarify the author’s position.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against banning sports competitions. The author consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, emphasizing the benefits of competition. However, the lack of nuance in discussing the extent of agreement or disagreement may lead to ambiguity in the reader’s understanding of the author’s perspective. For example, while the author states they disagree with banning competitions, they do not elaborate on whether they believe some restrictions or modifications could be beneficial.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Including transitional phrases that signal shifts in argument or elaboration on the position can also help maintain a clear stance. For instance, phrases like "While I acknowledge the concerns…" can introduce counterarguments while still reinforcing the main position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of sports competitions, such as teaching resilience and teamwork. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions that competitions can motivate self-improvement, they do not provide specific examples or evidence to illustrate this point. The lack of detailed examples weakens the overall argument and makes it less persuasive.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of competition. Citing studies or statistics related to youth sports and personal development could also strengthen the argument. Additionally, exploring counterarguments in more depth and providing rebuttals would enhance the essay’s persuasive power.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of sports competitions and the fear of losing. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "a balanced approach that prioritizes effort, enjoyment, and personal growth over winning at all costs" could be more directly tied back to the original prompt regarding the fear of losing and the call for banning competitions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main argument and ensuring that all supporting points are relevant to the discussion of whether competitions should be banned. Using clear topic sentences that relate back to the prompt can also help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear disagreement with banning sports competitions, it lacks depth in addressing all parts of the question, providing sufficient support for ideas, and maintaining a focused argument. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can improve their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the main argument against banning sports competitions. Each subsequent paragraph builds on this argument, providing supporting points that are logically connected. For example, the second paragraph discusses the life skills gained from sports, while the third paragraph shifts focus to motivation and personal growth. This progression helps the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a transitional phrase like "Firstly" or "To elaborate on this point" could reinforce the structure and guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, with the first paragraph introducing the topic, the second discussing the benefits of competition, the third addressing motivation, and the final paragraph summarizing the argument. This clear paragraphing contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the clarity of the main idea in each paragraph by starting with a topic sentence that encapsulates the paragraph’s focus. For example, the second paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of sports competitions is the valuable life skills they impart," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "however," "instead," "moreover," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. These devices effectively signal shifts in argument and reinforce the relationship between points. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied phrases and structures. For example, instead of repeatedly using "however," alternatives like "on the other hand" or "conversely" could be employed to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in light of this" or "given these points," could enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "fostering a healthier attitude," "valuable life skills," and "motivation for self-improvement" reflect a sophisticated understanding of language. The use of terms like "resilience" and "persevere" indicates a strong command of relevant vocabulary related to the topic of sports and competition.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate more synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "banning" multiple times, alternatives like "prohibiting" or "eliminating" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to sports could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "fear of losing" and "handling both success and failure" effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, the phrase "leading to calls for banning sports competitions" could be interpreted as slightly vague; it might benefit from a more explicit connection between the fear of losing and the rationale behind the calls for banning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that all phrases clearly articulate their intended meaning. For example, instead of "leading to calls for banning," the writer could specify who is making these calls (e.g., "some educators and parents advocate for banning sports competitions"). This would clarify the argument and enhance the overall precision of the vocabulary used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "competition," "resilience," and "encouraging" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is already strong, the writer can maintain this level of accuracy by regularly practicing spelling through writing exercises and utilizing tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words in English could further reinforce spelling skills, ensuring that this remains a strength in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, improving precision in phrasing, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Instead of eliminating competitions, we should focus on fostering a healthier attitude toward sports" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay incorporates conditional structures, as seen in "When framed positively, they inspire young people to challenge themselves," which adds depth to the argument. The balance between simple, compound, and complex sentences contributes to the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases ("Encouraged by supportive coaches, young athletes can learn…") or inversion for emphasis ("Never before have young people had such opportunities in sports") could enhance the complexity and engagement of the writing. Additionally, incorporating more varied transitions between ideas could improve the flow and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "because they fear losing" is correctly structured, and the use of commas is mostly appropriate, such as in "However, I disagree with this idea." However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of articles, as seen in "the fear of losing," which could be more consistently applied to enhance clarity. Overall, the punctuation effectively supports the meaning of the sentences, contributing to the essay’s readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to article usage and ensure consistency throughout the essay. For example, revising sentences to maintain uniformity in article application (e.g., "the fear of losing" vs. "fear of losing") would enhance clarity. Additionally, reviewing common punctuation rules, such as the use of semicolons for connecting closely related independent clauses, could further refine the writing. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading high-quality texts can also help reinforce these skills.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that many young people refrain from participating in sports due to the fear of losing, prompting calls for the prohibition of sports competitions. However, I disagree with this notion. Instead of eliminating competitions, we should focus on promoting a healthier attitude towards sports.

Sports competitions impart valuable life skills, such as resilience, teamwork, and the ability to handle both success and failure. These lessons are crucial for personal growth, and the prohibition of competitions would deprive young people of the opportunity to develop these essential traits. While the fear of losing is common, it can be managed through proper guidance. Coaches and parents can assist young athletes in understanding that losing is an integral part of the learning process, encouraging them to persevere.

Moreover, competitions serve as a catalyst for self-improvement and goal-setting. When presented positively, they inspire young people to challenge themselves. Instead of prohibiting competitions, we should promote a balanced approach that prioritizes effort, enjoyment, and personal growth over winning at all costs.

In conclusion, banning sports competitions is not the solution. An environment that is supportive and encouraging can help young people overcome their fear of losing and enjoy the many benefits that sports offer.