The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents aged 25 to 34 in the UK who either owned homes or rented them from 2004 to 2014. Overall, while the proportion of homeowners experienced a declining trend, there was an upward trend in the percentage of renters throughout the 10-year period. Initially, a greater number of individuals owned their homes, but by the end of the period, the proportion of renters rose sharply, surpassing that of homeowners. The percentage of homeowners reached a peak at approximately 58% in 2004, which was about 40% higher than the rate of renters. Subsequently, it gently decreased to around 55% in 2006 and rose modestly by a few percentage points in 2007 before experiencing a steady decline until 2011. In the following year, the figure remained stable, however, it continued to decrease, reaching around 40% in 2013 and hitting a low point of about 36% in 2014.
Conversely, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of renters throughout the entire period, rising from around 20% to approximately 47%. The proportion of people renting houses has been growing consistently, remaining stable from 2005 to 2006, as well as in 2011 and 2012, without a single decline. By 2014, the rental rate exceeded that of homeowners by about 10%, achieving its highest point.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
   Explanation: "Depicts" is a more formal and precise term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the scholarly tone of the introduction.

2. "who either owned homes or rented them" -> "who either owned or rented homes"
   Explanation: Removing "them" after "homes" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.

3. "a declining trend" -> "a downward trend"
   Explanation: "Downward trend" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts to describe decreasing patterns.

4. "rose sharply" -> "increased significantly"
   Explanation: "Increased significantly" is more formal and avoids the colloquial connotation of "rose sharply."

5. "surpassing that of homeowners" -> "exceeding the proportion of homeowners"
   Explanation: "Exceeding the proportion of homeowners" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "surpassing that of."

6. "gently decreased" -> "gradually decreased"
   Explanation: "Gradually" is a more formal synonym for "gently," fitting better in academic writing.

7. "rose modestly by a few percentage points" -> "increased modestly by a few percentage points"
   Explanation: Adding "increased" clarifies the action, aligning with the context of change in percentages.

8. "experiencing a steady decline" -> "undergoing a steady decline"
   Explanation: "Undergoing" is a more formal verb choice than "experiencing" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

9. "hit a low point" -> "reached a low point"
   Explanation: "Reached" is a more formal and precise term than "hit," which is somewhat informal and colloquial.

10. "has been growing consistently" -> "has consistently increased"
    Explanation: "Has consistently increased" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the redundancy of "growing."

11. "without a single decline" -> "without any decline"
    Explanation: "Any" is more precise and formal than "a single," which can imply a specific instance rather than a general absence of decline.

12. "achieving its highest point" -> "reaching its peak"
    Explanation: "Reaching its peak" is a more commonly used and formally accepted phrase in academic writing than "achieving its highest point."

These changes refine the vocabulary to align with the expectations of formal academic writing, enhancing clarity, precision, and appropriateness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the chart, highlighting the key features of the data. The essay also makes comparisons between the two categories, as required by the task. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the trends and comparisons.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends and comparisons. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of homeowners decreased by approximately 20% between 2004 and 2014, while the percentage of renters increased by approximately 25% over the same period. The essay could also provide more specific details about the fluctuations in the data, such as the fact that the percentage of homeowners remained stable in 2012, while the percentage of renters increased by approximately 5% in 2013.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively outlines the main trends, and the body paragraphs detail the changes in homeownership and renting rates over the specified period. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are moments where the cohesion may feel slightly mechanical, particularly in transitions between ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and that paragraphing is consistently logical would strengthen the overall coherence. More nuanced transitions between points could also help in making the progression of ideas feel more natural and less formulaic.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the chart. The use of phrases like "declining trend," "upward trend," and "surpassing" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportion of homeowners experienced a declining trend," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, while the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it does not exhibit the sophistication or the wide range expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider variety of advanced vocabulary and expressions, ensuring that all word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, reducing errors in word choice and improving collocation would enhance clarity and sophistication. Finally, integrating more nuanced vocabulary and phrases could help convey the information more effectively, aligning with the expectations for Band 8 or 9.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are occasional errors that do not significantly impede communication. For instance, phrases like "the proportion of homeowners experienced a declining trend" could be more clearly expressed as "the proportion of homeowners experienced a decline." Overall, the grammatical range is adequate, but there are moments where the complexity could be enhanced for a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures used, particularly by incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring clarity in expression will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy. Proofreading for grammatical precision and seeking feedback on sentence construction can also contribute to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents aged 25 to 34 in the UK who either owned homes or rented them from 2004 to 2014. Overall, while the proportion of homeowners experienced a declining trend, there was an upward trend in the percentage of renters throughout the 10-year period. Initially, a greater number of individuals owned their homes, but by the end of the period, the proportion of renters rose sharply, surpassing that of homeowners. The percentage of homeowners peaked at approximately 58% in 2004, which was about 40% higher than the rate of renters. Subsequently, it gently decreased to around 55% in 2006 and rose modestly by a few percentage points in 2007 before experiencing a steady decline until 2011. In the following year, the figure remained stable; however, it continued to decrease, reaching around 40% in 2013 and hitting a low point of about 36% in 2014.

Conversely, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of renters throughout the entire period, rising from around 20% to approximately 47%. The proportion of people renting houses grew consistently, remaining stable from 2005 to 2006, as well as in 2011 and 2012, without a single decline. By 2014, the rental rate exceeded that of homeowners by about 10%, achieving its highest point.