The chart below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008 (%). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008 (%).

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows information about the contribution of three sectors agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services to the UK economy from 1900 to 2000.

Overall, it can be seen from the diagram that, agriculture’s contribution has decreased dramatically over the century and manufacturing’s contribution decreased slightly, whereas, business and financial services have become a larger part of the UK economic system over

In 1900 the agriculture sector was given nearly 50% contribution to the economy of the UK, and within next 25 year that increased slightly to just over 50%,and after that, it had fallen drastically to nearly 10 % in 1975 and within next 25 years it had further decreased to nearly 2% in the year 2000. It also worked the same with the Manufacturing where it gradually
decreased from 1950 to 2000, its share only 15% in the UK economy.
On the other hand, the business and financial services sector contributed only around 5% to the economy of the UK in the year 1900 and however, that increased significantly over the whole period to record just above 35 % in the year 2000 ,and that was the highest contribution for the economy in that year compared to the other sectors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart shows information about" -> "The bar chart illustrates data on"
Explanation: "Illustrates data on" is more precise and academically formal than "shows information about," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"contribution of three sectors" -> "contributions of three sectors"
Explanation: Using the plural form "contributions" correctly reflects the multiple sectors being discussed, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"has decreased dramatically" -> "has significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "dramatically," which can imply emotional intensity not suitable for formal writing.
"become a larger part of" -> "increased as a significant component of"
Explanation: "Increased as a significant component of" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual phrasing of "become a larger part of."
"given nearly 50% contribution" -> "accounted for nearly 50% of the contribution"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more precise term in this context, indicating the proportion of the sector’s contribution to the overall economy.
"within next 25 year" -> "over the next 25 years"
Explanation: "Over the next 25 years" is grammatically correct and more formal, whereas "within next 25 year" is incorrect.
"it had fallen drastically" -> "it had decreased substantially"
Explanation: "Decreased substantially" is a more measured and academically appropriate term than "fallen drastically," which can imply a sudden, extreme change.
"It also worked the same with the Manufacturing" -> "Similarly, the manufacturing sector"
Explanation: "Similarly, the manufacturing sector" is clearer and more formal than the awkward and incorrect "It also worked the same with the Manufacturing."
"its share only 15% in the UK economy" -> "its share was only 15% of the UK economy"
Explanation: Adding "of" clarifies the relationship between the manufacturing sector and the economy, enhancing grammatical correctness.
"however, that increased significantly" -> "however, it increased significantly"
Explanation: "It" is the correct pronoun to use in this context, referring back to "business and financial services," improving clarity and formality.
"record just above 35 % in the year 2000" -> "reached a level of approximately 35% in 2000"
Explanation: "Reached a level of approximately 35%" is more precise and formal, avoiding the informal "record just above."
"that was the highest contribution for the economy in that year compared to the other sectors" -> "this represented the highest contribution to the economy in that year among the sectors"
Explanation: "This represented the highest contribution to the economy in that year among the sectors" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual "for the economy in that year compared to the other sectors."

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise and formal vocabulary, improving both the clarity and the appropriateness of the language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 1

Band Score: 1

Explanation: The essay is completely off-topic. It describes a bar chart about the contribution of different sectors to the UK economy, not the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008.

How to improve: The writer needs to carefully read the task prompt and ensure that their essay addresses the correct topic. They should also pay attention to the visual information provided in the chart and accurately summarise the data presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to convey the changes in contributions from different sectors, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the information presented. Additionally, while paragraphs are used, they are not structured logically, which further impacts coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between points. Incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices effectively can help connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically follows from the previous one will improve overall organization. Lastly, revising the paragraph structure for clarity and relevance will strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the contributions of different sectors to the UK economy, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "agriculture’s contribution has decreased dramatically" and "its share only 15% in the UK economy," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The overall lexical resource does not show sufficient flexibility or precision, and the errors present may strain comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and improving spelling accuracy would help. Using synonyms to avoid repetition and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect punctuation and awkward phrasing, can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "within next 25 year" should be "within the next 25 years," indicating a lack of attention to grammatical detail. Overall, the essay communicates the main ideas but does so with noticeable errors that detract from its effectiveness.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully check for punctuation and grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses and plural forms.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures to build confidence and accuracy.
Feedback: Seek feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas for improvement in grammar and sentence construction.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart shows information about the contribution of three sectors: agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services to the UK economy from 1900 to 2000.

Overall, it can be seen from the diagram that agriculture’s contribution has decreased dramatically over the century, while manufacturing’s contribution has decreased slightly. In contrast, business and financial services have become a larger part of the UK economic system over this period.

In 1900, the agriculture sector contributed nearly 50% to the UK economy, and within the next 25 years, this increased slightly to just over 50%. However, after that, it fell drastically to nearly 10% in 1975, and within the following 25 years, it further decreased to nearly 2% by the year 2000. A similar trend is observed in manufacturing, which gradually decreased from 1950 to 2000, with its share only reaching 15% of the UK economy.

On the other hand, the business and financial services sector contributed only around 5% to the UK economy in 1900. However, this figure increased significantly over the entire period, reaching just above 35% by the year 2000, which was the highest contribution among the sectors in that year.