The graph shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The graph gives information about the proportion of Australian exporting product to four various nations in the space of 22 years.

It can be clearly seen that, there was an upward tendency towards China and India, while an opposite trend can be witnessed in the others. The figure for China dominated the chart toward the end of the period.

Initiating in 1990 the ratio of Australian exporting Goods to China and India was nearly zero, whereas the US and Japan were recorded at 10 and 25%, respectively. the first 10- year interval, China Witnessed a gradual rise from 0 to 5%, while India remain unchanged. In the following 10 years, both nations noted and increasing Trend. However, China observed A soar in data from 5% to exactly 25% in 2010, which was as five times as high as India in the last two years, while the figure for China continued to rise and reach Its peak at about 28%. In contrast India Fell gradually from Its highest point to only about 2% in 2012.

Japan and the US market overseas, meanwhile, was reported to have a moderate decline throughout the first 10 years, while the former fell steadily from its summit to about 15%, the latter brought a slight fall, followed by a swift recovery at exactly 10%. In the following 12 years, the US continued to decrease moderately before recovering at approximately 5% in the last 2 years. On the contrary, Japan was three times as high as the US by the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph gives information about the proportion of Australian exporting product to four various nations" -> "The graph presents data on the proportion of Australian exports to four different nations"
Explanation: "Presents data on" is more precise and formal than "gives information about," and "different" is preferred over "various" in academic contexts to denote distinct items.
"there was an upward tendency towards China and India" -> "there was a rising trend towards China and India"
Explanation: "Rising trend" is a more specific and formal term than "upward tendency," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"an opposite trend can be witnessed in the others" -> "an opposite trend is evident in the other nations"
Explanation: "Is evident" is more formal and precise than "can be witnessed," and "nations" is more specific than "the others."
"Initiating in 1990" -> "Beginning in 1990"
Explanation: "Beginning" is a more formal and precise term than "Initiating" in this context.
"the ratio of Australian exporting Goods to China and India was nearly zero" -> "the proportion of Australian exports to China and India was nearly zero"
Explanation: "Proportion of exports" is more specific and appropriate than "ratio of exporting Goods," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"the first 10- year interval" -> "the first 10-year period"
Explanation: "Period" is the correct term for a duration of time, whereas "interval" can imply a gap or a space between things.
"China Witnessed a gradual rise" -> "China witnessed a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Witnessed" should be "witnessed" for subject-verb agreement, and "increase" is more commonly used in academic writing than "rise" in this context.
"remain unchanged" -> "remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained" is the correct past participle form to use with "unchanged" in this context.
"observed A soar in data" -> "experienced a significant increase in data"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more formal and precise than "observed a soar," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"as five times as high as" -> "five times higher than"
Explanation: "Five times higher than" is a more direct and formal way to express comparative quantities.
"reach Its peak" -> "reach its peak"
Explanation: "Its" should be lowercase "its" to match the possessive form of "it."
"Fell gradually from Its highest point" -> "Decreased gradually from its highest point"
Explanation: "Decreased" is more formal and specific than "Fell," and "its" should be lowercase.
"Japan and the US market overseas" -> "the Japanese and US markets overseas"
Explanation: "The Japanese and US markets" is more formal and precise than "Japan and the US market," which is grammatically incorrect.
"was three times as high as the US by the end of the period" -> "was three times higher than the US by the end of the period"
Explanation: "Higher than" is grammatically correct and more formal than "as high as."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the graph. The essay highlights the key features of the graph, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "China observed A soar in data from 5% to exactly 25% in 2010," but the graph shows that China’s exports reached 25% in 2012, not 2010.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information about the trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying "China Witnessed a gradual rise," the essay could say "China’s exports to Australia increased gradually."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in Australian exports, the sequencing of ideas is sometimes unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the information presented. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive phrasing and a lack of effective referencing, which further impacts coherence. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument smoothly.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. They should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoid repetition by incorporating varied vocabulary and referencing techniques. Improving the clarity of paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a distinct central topic will also help in making the essay more coherent. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring accurate use of terms will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe trends in the data, the use of vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks precision. Phrases such as "upward tendency" and "opposite trend" are basic and could be expressed with more sophistication. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "exporting product" instead of "exported products," and "witnessed a gradual rise" which could be more effectively phrased. Errors in spelling and word formation, such as "remain" instead of "remained" and "noted and increasing Trend" instead of "noted an increasing trend," may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to data description and trends. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and avoiding basic errors in word formation will improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and more complex sentence structures can also help convey ideas more effectively and demonstrate a higher level of lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the ratio of Australian exporting Goods" and "India remain unchanged" exhibit errors in subject-verb agreement and capitalization. Additionally, the use of terms like "witnessed a gradual rise" and "noted an increasing Trend" lacks clarity and precision. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, to ensure clarity and correctness.
Use of Appropriate Vocabulary: Improve the precision of word choice to convey ideas more clearly and accurately, avoiding vague phrases.
Practice Writing: Regularly practice writing essays on various topics to build confidence and proficiency in using complex grammatical structures effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph provides information about the proportion of Australian exports to four different countries over a period of 22 years, from 1990 to 2012.

It can be clearly seen that there was an upward trend in exports to China and India, while an opposite trend was observed in the other countries. The figure for China dominated the chart towards the end of the period.

Starting in 1990, the ratio of Australian exports to China and India was nearly zero, whereas the US and Japan were recorded at 10% and 25%, respectively. In the first 10-year interval, China experienced a gradual rise from 0% to 5%, while India remained unchanged. In the following 10 years, both nations noted an increasing trend. However, China saw a significant increase in exports from 5% to exactly 25% in 2010, which was five times higher than India’s figure in the last two years, while the figure for China continued to rise and reached its peak at about 28%. In contrast, India fell gradually from its highest point to only about 2% in 2012.

Japan and the US markets, meanwhile, were reported to have a moderate decline throughout the first 10 years. The former fell steadily from its peak to about 15%, while the latter experienced a slight decline, followed by a swift recovery to exactly 10%. In the following 12 years, the US continued to decrease moderately before recovering to approximately 5% in the last two years. Conversely, Japan was three times higher than the US by the end of the period.