the drawbacks of learning many subjects at school?

One of the reason why I disapprove the studying many subjects is shallow knowledge. This means they have so many subject to do and study but the time is limited so they can not study in-depth. Knowledge and they can not distribute to various fields. Another reasons is excessive pressure. This means they, students have many require requirements, homework load and examination. Besides, they should study in extra class so they learner don’t have morytime to study at home, studying too many can suffer from stress and causes poor academic achievement.

One drawback behind studying a numerous amount subjects is shallow knowledge. In other words, youngsters would have to study a wide range of subjects they have to learn in time management equally for each of them. For this reason they could not distribute knowledge to various fields leading to little in-depth knowledge of requirement of each subjects and they can not because of various, this could make students could suffer from stress and gain poor academic achievement.

However, the drawbacks of learn many subjects, this is one of the main reasons why I disapprove with the opinion of learning many subjects, this is because it is extremely difficult to learn more in order to distribute this knowledge like students have limited time so they were subject to the shallow knowledge, not in depth knowledge. Schools have necessary more causess pressure and requirement for homework load so that examination. For example, students learn more so they don’t have time to do favourite activities. For that reason, students can suffer from stress and poor academic achievement.

However, a curriculum with many subject can have some bad aspects. One of them is for children. In fact, students studying with many subjects might shallow their knowledge. This is because, they just have limited time to focus on various fields. It might lead to students will not in depth knowledge. Learning several subjects at the same time might can lead to pressure. Students can be stressful about studying and it reduces their interests at school. For those reasons, a curriculum with many subjects can give learners poor academic achievement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One of the reason why I disapprove the studying many subjects" -> "One of the reasons why I disapprove of studying many subjects"
Explanation: Correcting "reason" to "reasons" fixes the grammatical error, and "of" is added after "disapprove" to improve the prepositional phrase structure, aligning with formal academic style.
"shallow knowledge" -> "superficial knowledge"
Explanation: "Superficial" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "shallow" in this context, as it specifically refers to knowledge that lacks depth or substance.
"they can not study in-depth" -> "they cannot delve deeply"
Explanation: "Delve deeply" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of studying thoroughly, enhancing the academic tone.
"Another reasons is" -> "Another reason is"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by singularizing "reasons" to "reason" to match the singular subject "Another."
"they, students have many require requirements" -> "students have numerous requirements"
Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the phrase by removing the unnecessary repetition of "they" and using "numerous" to convey the quantity more formally.
"learner don’t have morytime" -> "learners do not have much time"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "morytime" to "much time" and changes "don’t" to "do not" for formal writing standards.
"studying too many can suffer from stress" -> "studying too many subjects can lead to stress"
Explanation: "Lead to" is a more precise verb choice than "suffer from," which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"the drawbacks of learn many subjects" -> "the drawbacks of learning many subjects"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "learning" to match the present continuous tense context.
"this is one of the main reasons why I disapprove with the opinion" -> "this is one of the main reasons why I disagree with the opinion"
Explanation: "Disagree" is a more formal and precise term than "disapprove," and "with" is corrected to "with" for grammatical accuracy.
"Schools have necessary more causess pressure" -> "Schools impose additional pressures"
Explanation: "Impose" is more precise and formal than "have necessary more causess," which is awkward and unclear.
"requirement for homework load so that examination" -> "requirements for homework and examinations"
Explanation: "Requirements" is plural to match the context, and "homework and examinations" is a clearer and more formal way to express the multiple components of academic demands.
"students learn more so they don’t have time to do favourite activities" -> "students learn more, leaving them insufficient time for their preferred activities"
Explanation: "Leaving them insufficient time" is a more formal and precise way to express the consequence of learning too much, and "preferred" is used instead of "favourite" for a more formal tone.
"students can suffer from stress and poor academic achievement" -> "students may experience stress and poor academic performance"
Explanation: "May experience" is more tentative and formal than "can suffer from," and "performance" is preferred over "achievement" in academic contexts to describe academic outcomes.
"a curriculum with many subject" -> "a curriculum with many subjects"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by making "subject" plural to match the plural noun "many."
"might shallow their knowledge" -> "might superficialize their knowledge"
Explanation: "Superficialize" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "shallow," which is vague and informal.

These changes enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the drawbacks of learning many subjects at school. However, it primarily focuses on two main drawbacks: shallow knowledge and excessive pressure. While these are relevant points, the essay lacks depth in exploring these drawbacks and does not fully articulate why they are significant issues. For instance, the repetition of ideas about shallow knowledge and stress across multiple paragraphs indicates a failure to expand on the topic sufficiently.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to identify and discuss a broader range of drawbacks. This could include aspects such as the impact on student motivation, the potential for burnout, or the effects on social skills. Each point should be elaborated with specific examples or explanations to provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay expresses a clear disapproval of learning many subjects; however, the position is not consistently maintained throughout. Phrases like "this is one of the main reasons why I disapprove" are somewhat vague and do not reinforce the argument effectively. Additionally, the use of "However" at the beginning of some paragraphs introduces confusion, suggesting a counterargument that is not fully developed.
- How to improve: The writer should work on maintaining a consistent stance by clearly stating their position in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the essay. Avoiding contradictory phrases and ensuring that each paragraph builds on the main argument will help in presenting a clearer position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are often repetitive and lack sufficient development. For example, the notion of "shallow knowledge" is mentioned multiple times without providing new insights or examples. The support for these ideas is weak, as there are few concrete examples or data to illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to present each idea clearly and then extend it with explanations, examples, or evidence. For instance, providing statistics on student performance related to subject load or personal anecdotes could enhance the argument. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea, elaborating on it thoroughly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on the topic of the drawbacks of learning many subjects, there are moments where the focus becomes muddled. For example, the phrase "students learn more so they don’t have time to do favourite activities" introduces a new idea that distracts from the main argument about academic pressure and shallow knowledge.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and clearly connected to the topic. Additionally, avoiding tangential statements will help keep the essay concise and on track.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their arguments, providing clearer support for their ideas, maintaining a consistent position, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several arguments against studying many subjects, but the organization of these ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the concepts of shallow knowledge and excessive pressure but does so in a fragmented manner. The transition between ideas is often abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The repetition of similar points across different paragraphs further complicates the logical flow, as seen in the multiple mentions of stress and shallow knowledge without clear differentiation or development of these ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should create a clear outline before writing. Each paragraph should introduce a distinct point that supports the thesis. For example, the first paragraph could focus solely on shallow knowledge, the second on excessive pressure, and the third on the consequences of these issues. Using topic sentences to clearly state the main idea of each paragraph will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better served as separate paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph attempts to address both shallow knowledge and time management in a convoluted manner, which detracts from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, the transitions between paragraphs are weak, leading to a disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. The writer should also ensure that there are clear transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence. For example, concluding one paragraph with a sentence that links to the next topic can provide a smoother flow. Utilizing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help connect ideas more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but their use is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect. For example, phrases like "this means" and "for that reason" are repeated without variation, which can make the writing feel redundant. Additionally, some sentences are poorly constructed, leading to confusion. The overuse of conjunctions and lack of variety in cohesive devices detracts from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the range of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases that indicate relationships between ideas, such as "however," "moreover," "consequently," and "on the other hand." It is also important to ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly; for instance, ensuring that they logically connect the ideas they are meant to link. Practicing sentence variety and restructuring sentences for clarity can also enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "shallow knowledge," "excessive pressure," and "academic achievement." However, the range is limited, and many phrases are repetitive. For instance, the term "shallow knowledge" appears multiple times, indicating a lack of synonyms or alternative expressions to convey the same idea. Additionally, phrases like "many subjects" and "poor academic achievement" are used repeatedly without variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms and paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly using "shallow knowledge," alternatives like "superficial understanding" or "limited comprehension" could be employed. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practicing synonyms can help in this area.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "students have many require requirements" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, the use of "learner" instead of "learners" is incorrect, and phrases like "this could make students could suffer" are grammatically incorrect and convoluted.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical correctness and clarity in expression. It is essential to ensure that subject-verb agreements are maintained and that phrases are structured logically. Practicing sentence construction and seeking feedback on clarity can help refine vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "morytime" (should be "more time"), "causess" (should be "causes"), and "numerous amount subjects" (should be "numerous subjects"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through exercises or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more can also improve spelling as it familiarizes the writer with correct word forms.

In summary, while the essay shows some understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, significant improvements are needed in lexical range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and practicing spelling will contribute to a more effective and polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument. For instance, phrases like "One of the reason why I disapprove the studying many subjects is shallow knowledge" and "Another reasons is excessive pressure" reflect basic sentence construction and contain grammatical errors. The use of "this means" as a transition is repetitive and does not effectively vary the structure of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Another reasons is excessive pressure," the writer could say, "In addition to shallow knowledge, students often experience excessive pressure, which can negatively impact their academic performance." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied introductory phrases can also enhance the complexity and richness of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "One of the reason why I disapprove the studying many subjects" should be corrected to "One of the reasons why I disapprove of studying many subjects." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas that would clarify sentence structure, like in "For example, students learn more so they don’t have time to do favourite activities," which could be improved to "For example, if students learn more, they often don’t have time to engage in their favorite activities." The misuse of articles, such as "the studying" instead of "studying," also contributes to the overall grammatical inaccuracies.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement, the correct use of articles, and the formation of plural nouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as reading well-structured essays, can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring the correct placement of commas and periods will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice, along with targeted feedback, will facilitate significant improvements in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

One of the reasons why I disapprove of studying many subjects is superficial knowledge. This means that students have so many subjects to study, but the time is limited, so they cannot study in-depth. They cannot distribute their knowledge to various fields. Another reason is excessive pressure. This means that students have many requirements, such as homework and examinations. Besides, they should study in extra classes, so learners do not have much time to study at home. Studying too many subjects can lead to stress and cause poor academic achievement.

One drawback of studying a large number of subjects is superficial knowledge. In other words, youngsters have to study a wide range of subjects, and they must manage their time equally for each of them. For this reason, they cannot distribute their knowledge to various fields, leading to little in-depth understanding of the requirements of each subject. This could make students suffer from stress and achieve poor academic results.

However, the drawbacks of learning many subjects are one of the main reasons why I disagree with the opinion of studying many subjects. This is because it is extremely difficult to learn enough to distribute this knowledge, as students have limited time and are subject to superficial knowledge rather than in-depth understanding. Schools impose additional pressures and requirements for homework and examinations. For example, students learn more but do not have time for their favorite activities. For that reason, students can suffer from stress and poor academic performance.

Moreover, a curriculum with many subjects can have some negative aspects. One of them is for children. In fact, students studying many subjects might superficialize their knowledge. This is because they only have limited time to focus on various fields. It might lead to students not gaining in-depth knowledge. Learning several subjects at the same time can lead to pressure. Students can feel stressed about studying, which reduces their interest in school. For these reasons, a curriculum with many subjects can result in poor academic achievement for learners.