The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002.
Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The given table illustrates the data about population in 2 nations, namely Australia and Malaysia over the course of 22 years from 1980.

Overall, it is apparent that the population of Malaysia's male registered highest among 2 nations while the highest data of Australia was female population. Additionally, there were several data remained unchanged in Australia.

Looking at the table to more detail, the figure of Australia's total population moderately increased from 14.7 millions in 1980 to 19.6 millions in 2002. The male population and the female population in this country left intact at 49.9% and 50.1% in that order over the period. In addition, there was a slightly increase in the average annual population growth by 0.1% from 1.2% in 1980. While birth rate's figure decreased to the same data of that. The population aged over 65 experiences a grown from 9.6% to 12.4% in 2002.

Moving to Malaysia's rate, there was 13.7% millions in total population at the beginning of the period and in 2002, it increased to 24.3%. Similarly, male population and population aged over 65 also witness a slightly increase from 50.3% to 50.6% and 3.7% to 4.3% respectively. Meanwhile, the birth ratio declined to 2.2% in 2002. The average annual population growth and female population had the same decreasing trend over the period. Particularly, population growth's rate decreased by 3% from 2.4% in 2002 while the data of female population declined from 49.7% to 49.4% at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the population of Malaysia’s male registered highest among 2 nations" -> "the male population in Malaysia registered the highest among the two nations"
Explanation: This correction clarifies the subject and verb agreement, and uses "the two nations" instead of "2 nations" for a more formal tone.
"the highest data of Australia was female population" -> "the highest figure for Australia was the female population"
Explanation: "The highest figure" is more precise and formal than "the highest data," and "for Australia" clarifies the relationship between the data and the country.
"there were several data remained unchanged in Australia" -> "several figures remained unchanged in Australia"
Explanation: "Figures" is the correct term when referring to statistical data, and "remained" should be "remained unchanged" for grammatical correctness.
"Looking at the table to more detail" -> "Examining the table in greater detail"
Explanation: "Examining" is more formal than "Looking," and "in greater detail" is a more precise phrase than "to more detail."
"the figure of Australia’s total population moderately increased" -> "the total population of Australia moderately increased"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves clarity and flow, making it more direct and formal.
"The male population and the female population in this country left intact at 49.9% and 50.1%" -> "The male and female populations in Australia remained at 49.9% and 50.1%, respectively"
Explanation: "Remained" is more accurate than "left intact," which is colloquial. Adding "respectively" clarifies the relationship between the percentages and the populations.
"there was a slightly increase in the average annual population growth" -> "there was a slight increase in the average annual population growth"
Explanation: "Slight" should be used as an adjective, not an adverb, and "increase" should be "increased" for grammatical agreement.
"While birth rate’s figure decreased to the same data of that" -> "While the birth rate decreased to the same level"
Explanation: "The birth rate" should be singular, and "the same level" is more precise and formal than "the same data of that," which is unclear and informal.
"Moving to Malaysia’s rate" -> "Moving to Malaysia"
Explanation: "Malaysia’s rate" is unclear; "Malaysia" alone is sufficient and more direct.
"there was 13.7% millions in total population" -> "the total population was 13.7 million"
Explanation: "There was 13.7% millions" is grammatically incorrect; "the total population was 13.7 million" corrects the number and verb agreement.
"Similarly, male population and population aged over 65 also witness a slightly increase" -> "Similarly, the male population and the population aged over 65 also experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "Witness" is incorrect; "experienced" is the correct verb for describing changes in data. "Slight" should be "slight" for adjective form.
"population growth’s rate" -> "rate of population growth"
Explanation: "Rate of population growth" is the correct phrase structure for formal writing.
"population growth’s rate decreased by 3% from 2.4% in 2002" -> "the rate of population growth decreased by 3% from 2.4% in 2002"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "rate of population growth" clarifies the reference and maintains formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the data and making some comparisons. However, the format is inappropriate in places, as the essay does not follow a clear structure and the information is not presented in a logical order. The essay also recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview, and there is no data to support the description. The essay presents some key features/bullet points, but it inadequately covers them.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by following a clearer structure, such as presenting the data in chronological order or by category. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details and data to support the description. For example, the essay could state that the total population of Australia increased by 4.9 million people between 1980 and 2002. The essay could also be improved by making more explicit comparisons between the two countries. For example, the essay could state that the birth rate in Malaysia was significantly higher than the birth rate in Australia in 1980.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the population data of Australia and Malaysia, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to some confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. For example, phrases like "there were several data remained unchanged" are awkwardly constructed and do not effectively guide the reader through the information. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between different sections of the essay could be improved for better flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately would help in linking sentences and ideas more effectively. Furthermore, ensuring that comparisons are clearly stated and logically sequenced would improve the overall progression of the essay. Finally, revising awkward phrasing and ensuring that all data is accurately represented would contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about population changes, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "registered highest" and "the same data of that," which can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "experiences a grown" instead of "experiences growth." These errors impede the clarity of the message, aligning the essay more closely with the criteria for Band 5.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice would help convey precise meanings. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors would improve overall clarity. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "the male population and the female population in this country left intact" and "population aged over 65 experiences a grown." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which detracts from the clarity of the communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading the essay to correct errors and ensuring that complex sentences are used correctly. Expanding the range of sentence structures and reducing the frequency of errors will also enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence, as well as seeking feedback from others, can further help in improving grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table illustrates the data about the population in two nations, namely Australia and Malaysia, over the course of 22 years from 1980 to 2002.

Overall, it is apparent that the male population in Malaysia registered the highest figures among the two nations, while the highest data for Australia was the female population. Additionally, several data points remained unchanged in Australia.

Looking at the table in more detail, Australia’s total population moderately increased from 14.7 million in 1980 to 19.6 million in 2002. The male and female populations in this country remained stable at 49.9% and 50.1%, respectively, over the period. Furthermore, there was a slight increase in the average annual population growth rate by 0.1%, rising from 1.2% in 1980. In contrast, the birth rate decreased to the same figure as the average annual population growth. The proportion of the population aged over 65 experienced growth from 9.6% to 12.4% by 2002.

Turning to Malaysia’s statistics, the total population was 13.7 million at the beginning of the period and increased to 24.3 million by 2002. Similarly, the male population and the population aged over 65 also witnessed a slight increase, rising from 50.3% to 50.6% and from 3.7% to 4.3%, respectively. Meanwhile, the birth ratio declined to 2.2% in 2002. The average annual population growth and female population exhibited the same decreasing trend over the period. Specifically, the population growth rate decreased by 3%, falling from 2.4% in 1980, while the female population declined from 49.7% to 49.4% by the end of the period.