Parents often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Parents often give children everything they ask for and do what they like.
Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is the fact that some parents treat their children too nicely and do whatever they want. This essay will analyze such trend which can give bad influence on children and do effect on them when they grow up

There are many reasons why it is bad for children who are treated like a prince; one of which is that children might be overreliance to their parents. Doing children’s request might make they think that they can have anything just by asking their parent, increasing their pride and develop bad habit which affect on other people. For example, buying whatever toys they want can turn them into the people who would bully their peers for their toys. Overreliance can also bad for children as they would become lazy with work. Take the homework as the example, if parents always do their children’s choire, kids may think most all the chores will be done and they do not have to do them.

The consequences of children when they grow up can be bad for their life. First of all, they would become unemployed people because all of works were done by their parents so they do not have experiences to do their work, leading them to be jobless. Furthermore, their health might be at risk if they can not take care of them by themself. For instance, some people often have bad health conditions as they do not clean their house which was done by their parents when they were young.

In conclusion, if parents treat their children everything they want, they might become worse for their mind.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is the fact that" -> "It is a fact that"
   Explanation: "It is the fact that" is grammatically incorrect. "It is a fact that" is the correct form, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

2. "treat their children too nicely" -> "treat their children excessively indulgently"
   Explanation: "Too nicely" is vague and informal. "Excessively indulgently" provides a more precise and formal description of the behavior.

3. "do whatever they want" -> "grant them unlimited demands"
   Explanation: "Do whatever they want" is informal and imprecise. "Grant them unlimited demands" is more formal and clearly conveys the extent of parental indulgence.

4. "such trend which can give bad influence on children" -> "this trend, which can exert a detrimental influence on children"
   Explanation: "Such trend which" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "This trend, which" corrects the grammar, and "exert a detrimental influence" is more precise and formal.

5. "do effect on them" -> "affect them"
   Explanation: "Do effect" is incorrect as "effect" is a noun here, not a verb. "Affect" is the correct verb to use in this context.

6. "overreliance to their parents" -> "overreliance on their parents"
   Explanation: "To" is incorrect in this context; "on" is the correct preposition for indicating dependence.

7. "Doing children’s request" -> "Accommodating children’s requests"
   Explanation: "Doing children’s request" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Accommodating children’s requests" is grammatically correct and more formal.

8. "make they think" -> "lead them to believe"
   Explanation: "Make they think" is grammatically incorrect. "Lead them to believe" is grammatically correct and more formal.

9. "develop bad habit which affect on other people" -> "develop habits that negatively affect others"
   Explanation: "Develop bad habit which affect on other people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Develop habits that negatively affect others" corrects these issues and is more formal.

10. "buying whatever toys they want" -> "acquiring any toys they desire"
    Explanation: "Buying whatever toys they want" is informal and vague. "Acquiring any toys they desire" is more precise and formal.

11. "can turn them into the people who would bully their peers" -> "may transform them into individuals who bully their peers"
    Explanation: "Can turn them into the people" is informal and lacks precision. "May transform them into individuals" is more formal and precise.

12. "bad for children as they would become lazy with work" -> "adverse for children, as they may become lethargic in their work"
    Explanation: "Bad for children as they would become lazy with work" is informal and imprecise. "Adverse for children, as they may become lethargic in their work" is more formal and precise.

13. "Take the homework as the example" -> "Consider homework as an example"
    Explanation: "Take the homework as the example" is awkward and informal. "Consider homework as an example" is more formal and grammatically correct.

14. "if parents always do their children’s choire" -> "if parents consistently complete their children’s chores"
    Explanation: "Do their children’s choire" is incorrect and unclear. "Complete their children’s chores" is grammatically correct and clear.

15. "most all the chores will be done" -> "most all chores will be completed"
    Explanation: "Most all the chores will be done" is awkward and informal. "Most all chores will be completed" is more formal and grammatically correct.

16. "they do not have experiences to do their work" -> "they lack the experience to perform their duties"
    Explanation: "They do not have experiences to do their work" is awkward and informal. "They lack the experience to perform their duties" is more formal and precise.

17. "leading them to be jobless" -> "resulting in their unemployment"
    Explanation: "Leading them to be jobless" is informal and vague. "Resulting in their unemployment" is more formal and precise.

18. "can not take care of them by themself" -> "cannot care for themselves"
    Explanation: "Can not take care of them by themself" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Cannot care for themselves" is grammatically correct and more formal.

19. "bad for their mind" -> "adverse for their mental well-being"
    Explanation: "Bad for their mind" is informal and vague. "Adverse for their mental well-being" is more specific and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the potential negative impacts of overly indulgent parenting on children and the consequences of such upbringing in adulthood. The first paragraph introduces the topic and outlines the issues of overreliance and entitlement. The second paragraph discusses the long-term consequences, such as unemployment and health issues. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both the positive and negative aspects of the situation, as the prompt does not solely ask for negative consequences.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider acknowledging potential benefits of giving children what they want, such as fostering creativity or confidence, before transitioning to the drawbacks. This would provide a more nuanced view and ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that indulgent parenting is detrimental to children. The stance is consistent, with supporting arguments presented logically. However, the phrasing in the introduction ("analyze such trend which can give bad influence") could be clearer and more assertive in stating the position.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position in a more definitive manner. For example, instead of saying "can give bad influence," use "has a negative influence." This sets a stronger tone for the rest of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as overreliance and the consequences of laziness, but the development of these ideas could be more thorough. For instance, the examples provided (toys and chores) are relevant but lack depth and specificity. The connection between the examples and the main argument could be better articulated.
  • How to improve: When presenting an idea, follow it with a more detailed explanation or additional examples. For instance, elaborate on how overreliance manifests in adulthood by providing specific scenarios or statistics that illustrate the point. This will help to substantiate your claims and strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of parents giving children everything they want. However, there are moments where the language becomes vague or slightly off-topic, such as "if parents always do their children’s choire," which could confuse the reader about the main point being made.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument. Avoid introducing new ideas or phrases that may distract from the central theme. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help eliminate any ambiguous statements.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the prompt will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the practice of parents giving children everything they want. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical sequence. The first paragraph discusses the negative effects of overindulgence, while the second paragraph addresses the long-term consequences. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some points could be more clearly connected to the main argument. For instance, the link between overreliance and laziness could be made more explicit.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transition phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the first paragraph could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the immediate effects of overindulgence and the other on the long-term consequences. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs to allow for more detailed discussion. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one discussing overreliance and its implications, and another discussing the development of bad habits. This would provide clearer structure and allow for better development of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "first of all," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "can turn them into the people who would bully their peers" lacks a clear transition from the previous idea about overreliance.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help improve their application in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "treated like a prince" and "bad influence" are somewhat clichéd and do not showcase a broader lexical range. The use of "overreliance" is a good attempt at employing more advanced vocabulary, but it is not consistently matched with other varied terms throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of "bad influence," consider using "detrimental impact" or "negative repercussions." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary related to child development and psychology could elevate the essay’s overall quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "do effect on them" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "have an effect on them." Similarly, "overreliance" is used correctly, but the phrase "can turn them into the people who would bully their peers" could be more precisely articulated as "may lead them to exhibit bullying behavior towards their peers."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. For instance, instead of saying "can turn them into the people who would bully," it could be rephrased to "may lead to bullying behavior among peers." Utilizing a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives for common words can also help.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "overreliance" (correct), "choire" (should be "chore"), and "most all the chores" (should be "most of the chores"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and terms related to the essay topic can improve overall spelling skills. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily employs simple sentence structures, with limited use of complex and compound sentences. For example, sentences like "This essay will analyze such trend which can give bad influence on children" demonstrate a basic structure but lack sophistication. The use of phrases such as "can turn them into the people who would bully their peers" indicates some attempt at complexity, but overall, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or varied sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of saying "Doing children’s request might make they think," the writer could use "By fulfilling children’s requests, parents might inadvertently lead them to believe." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "overreliance to their parents" should be "overreliance on their parents," and "can turn them into the people who would bully their peers for their toys" could be more concisely expressed. Additionally, phrases like "most all the chores will be done" are awkward and grammatically incorrect. Punctuation is also inconsistent; for instance, commas are often missing where they would clarify meaning, such as before "which can give bad influence on children."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper preposition use, and sentence clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as reading more complex texts, can help internalize correct structures. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear idea will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it falls short in both the variety of grammatical structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that some parents treat their children excessively indulgently and grant them unlimited demands. This essay will analyze this trend, which can exert a detrimental influence on children and affect them when they grow up.

There are many reasons why it is adverse for children who are treated like royalty; one of which is that children might develop an overreliance on their parents. Accommodating children’s requests may lead them to believe that they can have anything just by asking their parents, increasing their pride and developing habits that negatively affect others. For example, acquiring any toys they desire can transform them into individuals who bully their peers for their possessions. Overreliance can also be detrimental for children, as they may become lethargic in their work. Consider homework as an example: if parents consistently complete their children’s chores, kids may think that most chores will be done for them, leading them to believe they do not have to take responsibility.

The consequences for children when they grow up can be severe. First of all, they may become unemployed because all of their tasks were completed by their parents, resulting in their lack of experience to perform their duties, which can lead to joblessness. Furthermore, their health might be at risk if they cannot care for themselves. For instance, some individuals often face poor health conditions because they do not clean their homes, a task that was managed by their parents when they were young.

In conclusion, if parents treat their children excessively indulgently, it may have adverse effects on their mental well-being and overall development.