The maps below shows university sports courts in 1990 and now.

The provided map demonstrate the changes of the university sports court between 1990 and present day
Overall, it is immediately noticeable that the principal change to the town will be new several facilities encompassed by the building. In tandem with this some other developments with regard to many facilities be also recorded
To the west side, the facility had a park at the top of the map in 1990, but it was replaced by the basketball court with medium size in the present day. Similarly, the car park in the same side and behind the park was built at the bottom of the map, it was broken and putted the tennis court in that place in now
To the opposite side, some facilities were removed in the building and had several things. Additionally, between 1990 and now, at the top of the building, the café and the reception was kept the same, while the outdoor pool was converted into the indoor pool with a bigger size. The behind of the building, the tennis court was replaced by the fitness center and changing room was moved next to the fitness center

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided map demonstrate" -> "The map provided demonstrates"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "demonstrate" to "demonstrates" aligns with the subject-verb agreement rules in English, improving grammatical accuracy and formality.
"new several facilities encompassed by the building" -> "several new facilities within the building"
Explanation: Replacing "encompassed by" with "within" simplifies and clarifies the prepositional phrase, enhancing readability and precision.
"some other developments with regard to many facilities be also recorded" -> "additional developments regarding several facilities are also recorded"
Explanation: Changing "some other developments with regard to many facilities be also recorded" to "additional developments regarding several facilities are also recorded" corrects the verb tense and uses more precise language, improving the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"the facility had a park at the top of the map" -> "the facility featured a park at the top of the map"
Explanation: Replacing "had" with "featured" provides a more active and descriptive verb, enhancing the academic tone of the description.
"it was broken and putted the tennis court" -> "it was replaced by a tennis court"
Explanation: "Broken and putted" is awkward and unclear. "Replaced by a tennis court" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"in that place in now" -> "in its place now"
Explanation: "In that place in now" is grammatically incorrect. "In its place now" corrects the phrase to a more formal and grammatically correct structure.
"some facilities were removed in the building and had several things" -> "several facilities were removed from the building, and new features were added"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and unclear. The revised version clarifies the action and provides a more specific description of the changes.
"the café and the reception was kept the same" -> "the café and reception remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Was kept the same" is informal and slightly awkward. "Remained unchanged" is more formal and precise.
"the outdoor pool was converted into the indoor pool with a bigger size" -> "the outdoor pool was converted into a larger indoor pool"
Explanation: "With a bigger size" is redundant and informal. "A larger indoor pool" is more concise and maintains formality.
"The behind of the building" -> "the rear of the building"
Explanation: "The behind of the building" is incorrect and informal. "The rear of the building" is the correct and formal term.
"the tennis court was replaced by the fitness center and changing room was moved next to the fitness center" -> "the tennis court was replaced by the fitness center, and the changing room was relocated adjacent to the fitness center"
Explanation: Adding commas for clarity and using "relocated adjacent to" instead of "moved next to" enhances the formality and precision of the description.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the car park in the same side and behind the park was built at the bottom of the map, it was broken and putted the tennis court in that place in now". This is not a clear and accurate description of the changes that have taken place.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes that have taken place. The essay should also focus on the key features/bullet points, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic style.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks overall progression and clarity. While there are attempts to describe the changes in the university sports courts, the structure is somewhat disjointed, and the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between the changes described. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively would help clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main topic of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that topic would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the university sports courts, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "new several facilities" and "was built at the bottom of the map," which can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, errors in spelling and word formation, such as "putted" instead of "put" and "the behind of the building," detract from clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. They should also focus on improving grammatical accuracy and collocation, ensuring that phrases are used correctly. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and refining spelling and word formation will enhance overall communication and clarity in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent, with frequent grammatical errors that can hinder comprehension. For instance, phrases like "the facility had a park" and "it was broken and putted the tennis court" exhibit awkward constructions and misuse of verbs. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and punctuation, which further detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to ensure clarity and correctness.
Practice Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense to avoid confusion.
Use Appropriate Vocabulary: Replace incorrect word choices (e.g., "putted" should be "placed") to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided map demonstrates the changes to the university sports courts between 1990 and the present day. Overall, it is immediately noticeable that the principal change to the area is the addition of several new facilities surrounding the building. In tandem with this, some other developments regarding various facilities have also been recorded.

On the west side, there was a park at the top of the map in 1990, but it has been replaced by a medium-sized basketball court in the present day. Similarly, the car park on the same side, located behind the park, has been removed and replaced by a tennis court in its place.

On the opposite side, several facilities have been removed from the building and replaced with new ones. Additionally, between 1990 and now, at the top of the building, the café and reception area have remained unchanged, while the outdoor pool has been converted into a larger indoor pool. Behind the building, the tennis court has been replaced by a fitness center, and the changing rooms have been relocated next to the fitness center.