Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people

Nowadays, the tourists usually visited museums and historical site. But the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited. Even though some people visited it.
On the other hand, the local people will be live in the city many years. So they can be visited when the child and they will forgot. The second they listening form your family and friend or local people many time: that story make let them do not visited it.
However I think when someone visited museum or historical site, they want to anything is interesting and museum or historical site in that, local people will be bored when visited. So mainly visited tourists and not local people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, the tourists usually visited museums and historical site." -> "Currently, tourists frequently visit museums and historical sites."
Explanation: "Currently" is more precise and formal than "Nowadays," and "frequently visit" is more grammatically correct than "usually visited." Additionally, "sites" should be plural to match the plural noun "museums."
"But the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited." -> "However, local residents do not prefer the museums and historical sites that are primarily visited."
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "do not prefer" is more precise than "will not choose." Also, "local residents" is a more formal term than "local people," and "primarily visited" is more specific than "mainly visited."
"Even though some people visited it." -> "Despite some individuals visiting it."
Explanation: "Despite" is a more formal transition than "Even though," and "individuals" is more specific and formal than "people."
"the local people will be live in the city many years." -> "local residents have lived in the city for many years."
Explanation: "Have lived" is grammatically correct and more formal than "will be live." Also, "for many years" is more precise than "many years."
"So they can be visited when the child and they will forgot." -> "So they may visit it when they are children and may forget."
Explanation: "May visit" is more tentative and appropriate than "can be visited," which is awkwardly phrased. "When they are children" is clearer than "when the child," and "may forget" corrects the grammatical error "will forgot."
"The second they listening form your family and friend or local people many time: that story make let them do not visited it." -> "As soon as they hear the stories from their family and friends or local people many times, they are discouraged from visiting it."
Explanation: "As soon as they hear" is clearer and more formal than "The second they listening form your family and friend or local people many time." The phrase "are discouraged from visiting it" corrects the awkward and grammatically incorrect original phrase.
"However I think when someone visited museum or historical site, they want to anything is interesting and museum or historical site in that, local people will be bored when visited." -> "However, I believe that when someone visits a museum or historical site, they seek something interesting, but local residents become bored when they visit."
Explanation: "I believe" is more formal than "I think," and "seek something interesting" is more precise than "want to anything is interesting." Also, "become bored" is grammatically correct and more formal than "will be bored when visited."
"So mainly visited tourists and not local people." -> "Therefore, tourists primarily visit these sites, rather than local residents."
Explanation: "Therefore" is a more formal transition than "So," and "primarily visit" is more precise than "mainly visited." Also, "these sites" is more specific than "museum or historical site," and "rather than local residents" is clearer and more formal than "not local people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing why museums and historical sites are primarily visited by tourists rather than locals. However, it lacks depth and clarity in explaining the reasons. For instance, the statement "the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited" is vague and does not clearly articulate specific reasons. Additionally, the second part of the question, which asks what can be done to attract local people, is not addressed at all.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline clear reasons for local disinterest, such as lack of engagement, perceived value, or accessibility. Furthermore, it should propose specific strategies to attract locals, such as community events, discounts, or educational programs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position. While it implies that tourists are more interested in museums, the reasoning is muddled and lacks a definitive stance. Phrases like "I think when someone visited museum or historical site, they want to anything is interesting" are unclear and do not effectively communicate the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: The author should establish a clear thesis statement early in the essay that directly answers both parts of the prompt. Consistently referring back to this thesis throughout the essay will help maintain a clear position. Using transitional phrases can also help clarify the relationship between ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the mention of locals being "bored" is not elaborated upon, nor are there examples or evidence to substantiate this claim. The essay does not effectively extend its ideas or provide any supporting details that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their points. Each idea should be clearly explained and supported with reasoning or evidence. For instance, discussing specific local events that could draw interest or citing studies about local engagement with cultural sites would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic, particularly in its vague references to childhood visits and family stories. These points do not directly relate to the reasons why locals do not visit museums or how to attract them, leading to a lack of coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every sentence contributes to answering the prompt. Creating an outline before writing can help organize thoughts and ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the question. Regularly revisiting the prompt while writing can also help keep the essay on track.

In summary, the essay requires significant improvement in clarity, depth, and coherence to effectively address the prompt and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion:5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical manner, but the flow is often disrupted by unclear connections between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, the transition from discussing tourists to local people’s lack of interest is abrupt and lacks a clear rationale. The points made about local people’s childhood visits and their subsequent disinterest are not well-developed, leading to confusion about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider outlining the essay before writing. Start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. Use linking phrases such as "firstly," "in addition," and "finally" to guide the reader through your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. It appears as a single block of text, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Each idea should be encapsulated in its own paragraph to improve readability. For instance, the discussion about childhood visits and the influence of family stories could be separated into distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure: an introduction, body paragraphs for each main point, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will help the reader to navigate through your arguments more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hinders the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "On the other hand" and "However" are used, but they do not effectively connect the ideas presented. The lack of varied cohesive devices results in a disjointed reading experience, as the relationships between ideas are not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices. Use conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "because") to connect sentences and ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using more sophisticated linking phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast") to enhance the connections between paragraphs. This will create a smoother transition between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be significantly improved in terms of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Terms such as "tourists," "museums," and "historical sites" are repeated without variation. For instance, "visited" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The phrase "local people" is also used repetitively, indicating a lack of synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "visited," alternatives like "explored," "toured," or "attended" could be employed. Additionally, varying the term "local people" with phrases like "residents," "inhabitants," or "community members" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited" is unclear and awkwardly structured. The use of "when the child" is also vague and grammatically incorrect, leading to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of saying "the local people will not choose," consider rephrasing to "local residents often overlook museums and historical sites." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning clearly. Practicing sentence structure and clarity will aid in improving precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "site" (should be "sites") and "listening form your family" (should be "listening from your family"). These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and proofreading techniques is essential. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can help identify errors before submission. Additionally, reading more extensively can improve familiarity with correct spellings and reinforce learning.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the essay should incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, ensure precise word usage, and enhance spelling accuracy. Engaging in vocabulary-building exercises, practicing sentence structure, and proofreading can significantly contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, sentences like "the tourists usually visited museums and historical site" and "the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited" show a reliance on basic forms. There are attempts at complex sentences, such as "So they can be visited when the child and they will forgot," but these are poorly constructed and unclear.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the local people will not choose that museum," the writer could say, "Although local people may not choose to visit museums, they could be encouraged to do so through targeted outreach." Engaging with more varied sentence structures will help convey ideas more effectively and improve overall coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the local people will not choose that museum or historical site are mainly visited" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Additionally, phrases like "when the child and they will forgot" misuse verb forms and lack proper subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Practicing sentence construction with correct forms will help. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding commas and periods, ensuring they are used to separate clauses appropriately. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also contribute to improvement in this area.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but suffers from grammatical inaccuracies and a lack of structural variety. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, tourists frequently visit museums and historical sites. However, local residents often do not choose to visit these attractions, which are primarily frequented by tourists. Despite some individuals visiting them, the trend remains clear.

On the other hand, local residents have lived in the city for many years. They may have visited these sites when they were children, but they often forget about them as time passes. Additionally, when they hear stories from their family and friends or local people many times, they become discouraged from visiting again.

However, I believe that when someone visits a museum or historical site, they seek something interesting. In contrast, local residents may find these places boring after multiple visits. Therefore, it is primarily tourists who visit these sites, rather than local residents.

To attract local people, museums and historical sites could offer special events or exhibitions tailored to the interests of the community. Engaging local artists or historians to create unique experiences could also encourage residents to explore their own cultural heritage. By making these attractions more relevant and appealing, local residents might be inspired to visit more frequently.