The graph below shows the information of communication technology about percentages of people using different devices in the UK between 1998 and 2008.

The given line chart depicts the proportion of people using distinct communication technologydevices in the UK between 1998 and 2008.Overall, most of the figures witnessed a huge increase, while the opposite trend in fax andlandline. Another point to mention, computer and cellphone were the most preferred at the endof the survey.Looking first at, cellphone had a low usage, just about 5% in 1998, it increased dramaticallyand reach its top at nearly 100%, the highest figure in the survey. Following by computer, ithad a higher proportion than cellphone at first, about 15% in 1998. A significant increased wasrecorded, rose to 90% in 2008. Although pad had just been used from 2002, it ascendednoticably to 60% in just the next four years.Shifting the attention to fax, the hottest trend in 2002 with 50% of people in the UK preferred it.But the proportion declined dramatically and at the end of the survey, there was nearly no oneuse that communication service. Ladline was the most preferred between 1998 and 2004,before exhibited a fall to 20% in 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given line chart" -> "The provided line chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"distinct communication technologydevices" -> "different communication technologies"
Explanation: "Technologydevices" is not a standard term; "technologies" is the correct plural form, and "different" is more appropriate than "distinct" in this context, which can imply uniqueness rather than variety.
"huge increase" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal and imprecise term; "significant" is more academically appropriate and quantifiable.
"the opposite trend in fax and landline" -> "a decline in fax and landline use"
Explanation: "The opposite trend" is vague and informal; "a decline in fax and landline use" specifies the nature of the change more clearly and formally.
"Another point to mention" -> "Notably"
Explanation: "Another point to mention" is conversational and informal; "Notably" is a more concise and formal way to introduce additional information.
"at the end of the survey.Looking first at," -> "initially"
Explanation: "Looking first at" is informal and redundant; "initially" is a more concise and formal way to introduce the analysis.
"dramatically and reach its top" -> "dramatically and reached its peak"
Explanation: "Reach its top" is incorrect; "reached its peak" is the correct form, and "dramatically" should be used as an adverb to modify the verb "increased."
"Following by computer," -> "Following computer,"
Explanation: "Following by" is incorrect; "Following" is sufficient as an adverb to introduce the next point.
"A significant increased was recorded," -> "A significant increase was recorded"
Explanation: "Increased" is a noun and should be "increase," which is the correct form for the verb.
"rose to 90%" -> "rose to 90%"
Explanation: No change needed, as "rose to 90%" is correct and clear.
"Although pad had just been used from 2002," -> "Although the pad had just been used from 2002"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "pad" clarifies the noun, and the phrase structure is more formal.
"ascended noticably" -> "noticeably increased"
Explanation: "Ascended noticably" is incorrect; "noticeably increased" is the correct form and more formal.
"the hottest trend" -> "the most popular trend"
Explanation: "Hottest" is an informal and incorrect usage in this context; "most popular" is the correct term for describing trends in usage.
"But the proportion declined dramatically and at the end of the survey, there was nearly no one use that communication service." -> "However, the proportion declined dramatically, and by the end of the survey, almost no one used this communication service."
Explanation: "But" is informal; "However" is more formal. "At the end of the survey" is vague; "by the end of the survey" specifies the time more clearly. "Nearly no one use" is grammatically incorrect; "almost no one used" is correct.
"Ladline" -> "Landline"
Explanation: "Ladline" is a typographical error; "Landline" is the correct term.
"before exhibited a fall to 20%" -> "before falling to 20%"
Explanation: "Exhibited a fall" is awkward and verbose; "falling to 20%" is more direct and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay presents some key features/bullet points, but it inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points in a more comprehensive way. The essay should avoid recounting details mechanically and instead focus on providing a clear and concise analysis of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some degree of organisation; however, it lacks overall progression. While there are attempts to structure the response, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "Looking first at" and "Shifting the attention to" are not used effectively, which detracts from the clarity of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is not consistently logical, as the transitions between different devices are abrupt and lack coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using clearer topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct focus. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices should be more varied and accurately applied to connect ideas smoothly. Practicing paragraphing techniques and ensuring that each section of the essay builds on the previous one will also help in achieving a higher score. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can significantly improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the trends in the data, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with several noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "communication technologydevices," "increased dramaticallyand," "hottest trend"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the opposite trend in fax andlandline" indicates a lack of clarity and precision in language use.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Improving spelling and word formation will also help to avoid errors that impede communication. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can contribute to a more sophisticated and precise expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are instances of correct usage, the overall accuracy is compromised by frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("reach" should be "reached") and awkward phrasing ("the hottest trend in 2002"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas, further detract from clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are accurately formed. Regular practice with grammar exercises, peer review, and reading well-structured essays can help improve both accuracy and range. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation and ensuring that sentences are clearly articulated will enhance overall communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line chart depicts the proportion of people using distinct communication technology devices in the UK between 1998 and 2008. Overall, most figures experienced a significant increase, while the opposite trend was observed in fax and landline usage. Another point to mention is that computers andcellphones were the most preferred devices by the end of the survey.

Looking first at cellphones, they had low usage, at just about 5% in 1998, but increased dramatically to reach nearly 100%, the highest figure in the survey. Following this, computers had a higher proportion than cellphones initially, at about 15% in 1998. A significant increase was recorded, rising to 90% in 2008. Although tablets had only been used since 2002, their usage ascended noticeably to 60% in just the next four years.

Shifting attention to fax, it was the most popular option in 2002, with 50% of people in the UK preferring it. However, the proportion declined dramatically, and by the end of the survey, there were nearly no users of that communication service. Landlines were the most preferred option between 1998 and 2004, before exhibiting a fall to 20% in 2008.