The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet.

The line chart illustrates the proportion of British teenagers who practice vegetarianism from 1960 to 2020
Overall, it can be seen that the number of British adolescent who follow a vegetarian diet increased significantly over the period. Besides, this number reached a peek in 1980. To be more specific, the proportion of UK increased rapidly from 1960 to 1980, reaching a peek at 16%. However, there was a sharp decline from 1980 to around 1999, falling from 16% to about 4%. From 2000 to 2020, this grapgh showed that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers from UK increased a little bit from 6% to around 13% but cant reach higher than 15% like 1980
In conclusion, in six decades, the popularity of UK teenagers who follow vegetarian diet has increased a lot in 1970 but decresed in a terrible way. But at the end, it became more stable than before

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line chart illustrates" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Line graph" is the more precise term for a visual representation of data, aligning better with academic language conventions.
"British teenagers who practice vegetarianism" -> "British adolescents who follow a vegetarian diet"
Explanation: "Adolescents" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "teenagers," and "follow a vegetarian diet" is more precise than "practice vegetarianism."
"reached a peek" -> "reached its peak"
Explanation: "Peak" is the correct term for the highest point in a graph or trend, and using "its" instead of "a" corrects the possessive form.
"UK increased rapidly" -> "the proportion of UK adolescents increased rapidly"
Explanation: Adding "the proportion of UK adolescents" clarifies the subject and maintains grammatical correctness.
"this grapgh" -> "this graph"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "graph" to "graph" for accuracy.
"increased a little bit" -> "increased slightly"
Explanation: "Increased slightly" is a more formal and precise way to describe a moderate change in data.
"cant reach higher than 15% like 1980" -> "did not exceed 15% as in 1980"
Explanation: "Did not exceed" is more formal and precise than "cant reach," and "as in 1980" is clearer than "like 1980."
"has increased a lot in 1970 but decresed in a terrible way" -> "increased significantly in 1970 but decreased sharply"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" and "decreased sharply" are more formal and precise terms, replacing the informal and incorrect "a lot" and "a terrible way."
"decresed" -> "decreased"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "decreased."
"in a terrible way" -> "sharply"
Explanation: "Sharply" is a more formal and precise adverb than "a terrible way," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"it became more stable than before" -> "it stabilized"
Explanation: "It stabilized" is a more concise and formal way to describe a return to a stable state, improving the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as the statement that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers increased a little bit from 6% to around 13% from 2000 to 2020. The actual increase was from around 4% to around 11%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers increased rapidly from 1960 to 1980, reaching a peak of 16%. The essay could then state that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers decreased sharply from 1980 to 1999, falling from 16% to around 4%. Finally, the essay could state that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers increased gradually from 2000 to 2020, reaching around 11%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in the data, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed narrative. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent; for example, phrases like "to be more specific" and "in conclusion" are present, but the overall flow is hindered by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks distinct sections that clearly separate the introduction, body, and conclusion.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and avoiding repetition will also help. Furthermore, improving grammatical accuracy and refining the overall structure of the essay will contribute to a more coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas, there are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "peek" instead of "peak," "cant" instead of "can’t," "decresed" instead of "decreased") and spelling ("grapgh"). These errors may cause somedifficulty for the reader. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items. They should also focus on improving spelling and ensuring accurate word choice. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can help convey precise meanings more effectively. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors can significantly improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, these attempts are often inaccurate. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the number of British adolescent" (should be "adolescents"), "reached a peek" (should be "peak"), and "this grapgh showed" (spelling error). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While there is some attempt to convey information clearly, the frequent mistakes in grammar and punctuation detract from the overall communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Correcting Basic Errors: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization, ensuring that nouns and verbs match in number.
Improving Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring that they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission.
Expanding Vocabulary: Use a broader range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately, which can also help in constructing more complex sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the proportion of British teenagers who practice vegetarianism from 1960 to 2020. Overall, it can be seen that the number of British adolescents following a vegetarian diet increased significantly over the period. Additionally, this figure peaked in 1980. To be more specific, the proportion of UK adolescents rose rapidly from 1960 to 1980, reaching a peak of 16%. However, there was a sharp decline from 1980 to around 1999, falling from 16% to approximately 4%. From 2000 to 2020, the graph shows that the percentage of vegetarian teenagers in the UK increased slightly from 6% to around 13%, but did not surpass the 15% mark seen in 1980.

In summary, over the six decades, the popularity of vegetarianism among UK teenagers surged in the 1970s but experienced a significant decline thereafter. By the end of the period, the trend became more stable than before.