The charts below show the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2009 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of water levels in six Australian cities from October 2009 to October 2010.
Overall, it is evident that water levels in Darwin witnessed a significant fall, while the opposite was true for Syney, Melbourne, Perth, Canberra. Notably, Canberra stored the largest amount of water in its reservoirs over the period shown.
In 2009, Sydney and Canberra had the most abundant water reserves at nearly 80%, which doubled and quadrupled that of Perth and Melbourne, respectively. By 2010, Sydney's water levels slightly increased to around 90%, while Canberra and Melbourne experienced a sharp increase of 20%, with Canberra surpassing 100% and Melbourne reaching 40%. Similarly, Perth surged from 40% to 70%.
In contrast, Darwin’s water levels halved, dropping from 40% in 2009 to 20% in 2010, placing it at the bottom of the list. Meanwhile, the figure for Brisbane remained unchanged at close to 60% throughout the both years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the bar chart illustrates" -> "the bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting a detailed representation rather than the more general "illustrates."
"water levels in six Australian cities" -> "water levels in six Australian cities"
Explanation: The phrase "water levels in six Australian cities" is redundant as "water levels" already implies the location. Removing "in six Australian cities" simplifies the phrase without altering its meaning.
"it is evident that water levels in Darwin witnessed a significant fall" -> "it is evident that water levels in Darwin experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more specific and academically appropriate than "witnessed a significant fall," which can be seen as less formal and slightly vague.
"the opposite was true for Syney" -> "the opposite was true for Sydney"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "Syney" to "Sydney."
"Notably, Canberra stored the largest amount of water in its reservoirs" -> "Notably, Canberra held the largest amount of water in its reservoirs"
Explanation: "Held" is more precise in this context, as it specifically indicates the storage of water, whereas "stored" could imply a broader range of actions.
"over the period shown" -> "during the period depicted"
Explanation: "During the period depicted" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone of the description.
"Sydney and Canberra had the most abundant water reserves" -> "Sydney and Canberra possessed the most substantial water reserves"
Explanation: "Possessed" is more formal and precise than "had," and "substantial" is a more academic term than "abundant."
"which doubled and quadrupled that of Perth and Melbourne, respectively" -> "which doubled and quadrupled those of Perth and Melbourne"
Explanation: Removing "that of" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and clear.
"Sydney’s water levels slightly increased to around 90%" -> "Sydney’s water levels increased to approximately 90%"
Explanation: "Increased to approximately" is more precise and formal than "slightly increased to around," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"experienced a sharp increase of 20%" -> "experienced a significant increase of 20%"
Explanation: "Significant" is more appropriate in academic writing than "sharp," which can be seen as colloquial.
"surged from 40% to 70%" -> "increased from 40% to 70%"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more neutral and formal term than "surged," which can imply a sudden or dramatic change that may not be accurate in this context.
"halved, dropping from 40% to 20%" -> "decreased by half, dropping from 40% to 20%"
Explanation: "Decreased by half" is a more precise and formal way to describe a reduction by 50%, aligning better with academic style.
"the both years" -> "both years"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "the both" to "both," which is the correct form when referring to two items.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the significant increase in water levels in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, and Canberra, and the significant decrease in water levels in Darwin. The essay also presents and highlights key features, such as the fact that Canberra had the largest amount of water in its reservoirs over the period shown. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes in water levels for each city.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in water levels for each city. For example, the essay could state that Sydney’s water levels increased by 10% from 2009 to 2010, while Melbourne’s water levels increased by 30%. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the cities, such as stating that Canberra’s water levels were more than twice as high as Sydney’s water levels in 2010.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, showing a clear overall progression. It identifies key trends and comparisons, such as the significant fall in Darwin’s water levels and the increase in Canberra’s reserves. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be clearer.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that connects smoothly to the next. Additionally, providing more detailed comparisons and contrasts in a structured manner would strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main features of the data. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "witnessed a significant fall" and "surpassed 100%," which could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Syney" instead of "Sydney," which detracts from the overall clarity. While the communication is generally effective, these inaccuracies prevent the essay from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding common spelling errors and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, incorporating less common lexical items and phrases could demonstrate greater flexibility and sophistication in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main features of the data effectively, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the opposite was true for Syney, Melbourne, Perth, Canberra" could be clearer with better punctuation or restructuring. Additionally, there are minor errors such as "the both years," which should be "both years." Overall, the communication is maintained, but the errors are noticeable.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing.
Improve Clarity: Use clearer transitions and connectors to enhance the flow of ideas and comparisons, making the relationships between data points more explicit.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of water levels in six Australian cities from October 2009 to October 2010. Overall, it is evident that water levels in Darwin experienced a significant decline, while the opposite was true for Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, and Canberra. Notably, Canberra maintained the largest amount of water in its reservoirs over the period shown.

In 2009, Sydney and Canberra had the most abundant water reserves at nearly 80%, which was double and quadruple that of Perth and Melbourne, respectively. By 2010, Sydney’s water levels slightly increased to around 90%, while Canberra and Melbourne experienced a sharp rise of 20%, with Canberra surpassing 100% and Melbourne reaching 40%. Similarly, Perth surged from 40% to 70%.

In contrast, Darwin’s water levels halved, dropping from 40% in 2009 to 20% in 2010, placing it at the bottom of the list. Meanwhile, the figure for Brisbane remained unchanged at close to 60% throughout both years.