The diagram below shows the life cycle of a frog.

This diagram below illustrates different developing stages in a frog's life cycle. Overall, the process consists six stages, beginning with the mating of frogs and ending with the development of an adult frog.

First, a male frog and a female one mate in order to produce frogspawn. Having finished their mating, the female adult frog will dump the frogspawn from her body into the shallow water areas. The frogspawn is fed with bacterias in the water to emerge into small tadpoles.

After obtaining enough nutritions, those tadpoles grow up and become young frogs, having the ability to survive both on land and in the water. Baby frogs possess the ability to supply themselves with food such as flies and bugs, hence continue to fully develop into mature frogs. This is considered to be the final stage of the process as the mature frog will continue to mate with other frogs and the cycle repeats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"This diagram below" -> "The diagram depicted below"
Explanation: Using "The diagram depicted below" enhances the formality and specificity of the introduction, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"Overall, the process consists six stages" -> "The process consists of six stages"
Explanation: The phrase "consists of" is more grammatically correct and formal than "consists six stages," which is grammatically incorrect.
"a male frog and a female one" -> "a male and a female frog"
Explanation: Removing "one" after "female" avoids redundancy and maintains a more formal tone.
"Having finished their mating" -> "Following mating"
Explanation: "Following mating" is more concise and academically appropriate than "Having finished their mating," which is verbose and informal.
"dump the frogspawn from her body" -> "deposit the frogspawn from her body"
Explanation: "Deposit" is a more formal and precise term than "dump," which is informal and less precise.
"fed with bacterias" -> "nourished by bacteria"
Explanation: "Nourished by bacteria" is grammatically correct and uses the correct plural form of "bacteria," enhancing both accuracy and formality.
"grow up and become young frogs" -> "develop and mature into young frogs"
Explanation: "Develop and mature" is a more precise and formal way to describe the growth process in an academic context.
"having the ability to supply themselves with food" -> "capable of self-sustaining their diet"
Explanation: "Capable of self-sustaining their diet" is more formal and precise than "having the ability to supply themselves with food," which is somewhat awkward and informal.
"continue to fully develop into mature frogs" -> "continue to fully mature"
Explanation: Simplifying to "continue to fully mature" avoids redundancy and maintains a more formal tone.
"This is considered to be the final stage" -> "This marks the final stage"
Explanation: "This marks the final stage" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"the cycle repeats" -> "the cycle is repeated"
Explanation: "The cycle is repeated" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the life cycle of a frog. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the frogspawn is fed with bacteria in the water, which is not accurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information about the life cycle of a frog. For example, the essay could mention that the tadpoles feed on algae and other small organisms, and that they develop legs and lungs as they grow. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the female adult frog will dump the frogspawn from her body," the essay could say "the female frog lays her eggs."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the mating stage to the development of an adult frog. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences appears mechanical or slightly faulty. For example, the transition from the tadpole stage to young frogs could be more fluid. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in separating the description of each stage more distinctly.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between stages. Ensuring that each paragraph clearly delineates a specific stage of the life cycle with appropriate linking phrases would also improve clarity. Furthermore, refining the use of referencing and substitution can help avoid repetition and make the essay more engaging.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, using terms like "frogspawn," "tadpoles," and "mature frogs." However, there are several inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as "bacterias" (should be "bacteria") and "nutritions" (should be "nutrients"). While the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, the errors present indicate a lack of control over less common lexical items. Overall, the vocabulary allows for communication, but the inaccuracies detract from the overall effectiveness.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word formation. Expanding the range of vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and less common terms can also improve the essay. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any potential errors in word choice will help convey meanings more accurately and effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the process consists six stages" (missing "of") and "the frogspawn is fed with bacterias" (incorrect plural form of "bacteria"). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures. This can be done by proofreading for common errors, expanding their range of sentence structures, and ensuring that complex sentences are correctly formed. Additionally, enhancing vocabulary and using more precise language would contribute to clearer communication and a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

This diagram below illustrates the different developmental stages in a frog’s life cycle. Overall, the process consists of six stages, beginning with the mating of frogs and ending with the emergence of an adult frog.

First, a male frog and a female frog mate in order to produce frogspawn. After mating, the female frog releases the frogspawn into shallow water areas. The frogspawn is nourished by bacteria in the water, allowing it to develop into small tadpoles.

After obtaining enough nutrition, these tadpoles grow and transform into young frogs, gaining the ability to survive both on land and in water. Baby frogs can feed themselves with food such as flies and bugs, enabling them to fully develop into mature frogs. This stage marks the final phase of the process, as the mature frog will continue to mate with other frogs, and the cycle repeats.