In some countries, schools are teaching foreign languages for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, schools are teaching foreign languages for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In the era of globalization, many nations’ educational institutions are including foreign languages in the curricula for children to learn. From my perspective, while there appears to be some disadvantages in this fact, I believe that the benefits gained from learning foreign languages from an early age would outweigh the drawbacks.
Admittedly, the rationale in favor of moving away from including foreign language in children’s lessons is compelling. Studying at schools may be considered “ full- time job “ for children as it requires them a large amount of time to not only concentrate on different core subjects such as Mathematics or Science but also complete their assignments. Therefore, having another subject to learn make the students distribute more time to this, leading to them shouldering a huge academic burden. Added to this is that learning foreign languages might do a great disservice to children’s own countries at large. The reason for this is that students, especially primary school children, are the creatures of curiosity so their mindset could be changed easily which can be affected by external factors. Therefore, learning other languages instead of focusing single-handedly on their mother tongue would make children prioritize foreign culture over their own culture, leading to the national cultural identity being weakened.
However, these disadvantages may be outweigh by the upsides of exposing to foreign languages during the primary-school period. Firstly, being multilingualism is significantly beneficial in terms of intellectual ability for every individual. This is because it is reportedly proven that knowing more than 1 language would help people improve their cognitive development, thus children being exposed to different languages from an early age could strengthen their critical thinking and enhance their creativity, which will be advantageous for their countries in the future. In addition, in this world that is globalized than ever before, learning foreign languages is extremely vital as people can communicate easily without language barriers. More importantly, due to this fact, several multinational large business would require the interviewees to submit some language certificate such as IELTS in order to become a part of these companies. Hence, children with the ability of using 2 or more languages may have more privileges in their professional life compared to those not learning any other language except for their mother tongue.
In conclusion, I acknowledge that learning foreign languages at an early age may increase the academic burden of students and weaken cultural identity, yet, these young people can boost their creativity and their critical thinking skills and avoid linguistic barriers in today’s world of globalization by learning foreign languages, which, as a whole, is advantageous for themselves and their nations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the era of globalization" -> "In the context of globalization"
   Explanation: "In the context of globalization" is a more precise and formal way to introduce the topic, emphasizing the specific circumstances rather than the era, which is somewhat vague and less specific in an academic context.

2. "many nations’ educational institutions are including" -> "many educational institutions in various nations are incorporating"
   Explanation: "Incorporating" is more specific and academically appropriate than "including," which is somewhat informal and vague. Additionally, placing "in various nations" clarifies the scope of the statement.

3. "children to learn" -> "children to study"
   Explanation: "Study" is more formal and precise than "learn" in an academic context, particularly when discussing educational activities.

4. "the rationale in favor of moving away from including foreign language" -> "the rationale against the inclusion of foreign languages"
   Explanation: "The rationale against the inclusion of foreign languages" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "moving away from including."

5. "having another subject to learn make the students distribute more time to this" -> "adding another subject to their curriculum requires students to allocate more time to it"
   Explanation: "Allocate" is more precise and formal than "distribute," and the rephrasing clarifies the meaning and avoids the awkward construction.

6. "leading to them shouldering a huge academic burden" -> "resulting in an overwhelming academic burden for them"
   Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and appropriate than "leading to," and "overwhelming" is a more precise adjective than "huge" in this context.

7. "learning foreign languages might do a great disservice to children’s own countries at large" -> "the study of foreign languages may undermine the cultural heritage of their native countries"
   Explanation: "Undermine the cultural heritage" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "do a great disservice," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.

8. "the creatures of curiosity" -> "children, who are naturally curious"
   Explanation: "Children, who are naturally curious" is clearer and more formal than "the creatures of curiosity," which is an unusual and informal expression.

9. "being multilingualism" -> "being multilingual"
   Explanation: "Being multilingual" is the correct form, as "multilingualism" is a noun and not an adjective.

10. "it is reportedly proven" -> "it has been proven"
    Explanation: "It has been proven" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward and less formal "reportedly."

11. "in this world that is globalized than ever before" -> "in this increasingly globalized world"
    Explanation: "In this increasingly globalized world" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction and the unnecessary comparison.

12. "several multinational large business" -> "several large multinational businesses"
    Explanation: "Large multinational businesses" is grammatically correct and more formal than "several multinational large business."

13. "the ability of using 2 or more languages" -> "the ability to use two or more languages"
    Explanation: "The ability to use" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the ability of using," and "two" should be spelled out for formality.

14. "may have more privileges" -> "may enjoy greater advantages"
    Explanation: "Enjoy greater advantages" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefits, replacing the less formal "privileges."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching foreign languages to primary school children. The introduction clearly states the author’s position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The disadvantages are discussed in the first body paragraph, focusing on the academic burden and potential weakening of cultural identity. The second body paragraph presents the advantages, emphasizing cognitive benefits and professional opportunities. Each part of the prompt is adequately covered, demonstrating a balanced consideration of both sides.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the disadvantages and advantages. For instance, citing studies on cognitive development or cultural identity could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more explicit comparison of the weight of the advantages versus disadvantages could clarify the position further.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of learning foreign languages outweigh the disadvantages. The author reiterates this stance in the conclusion, effectively summarizing the main points. However, the phrase "while there appears to be some disadvantages in this fact" in the introduction could be interpreted as somewhat tentative, which may slightly weaken the overall clarity of the position.
  • How to improve: The author could strengthen the clarity of their position by using more assertive language in the introduction. Phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is evident that" can convey a stronger stance. Additionally, reinforcing the position throughout the body paragraphs with transitional phrases that link back to the main argument would enhance coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas regarding both the advantages and disadvantages of learning foreign languages. The disadvantages are well-articulated, particularly the points about academic burden and cultural identity. The advantages are extended with examples of cognitive benefits and professional opportunities, which are relevant and compelling. However, some ideas, such as the impact on cultural identity, could be further developed with more depth.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples or explanations. For instance, discussing specific cognitive studies that link multilingualism to enhanced creativity would provide stronger support. Additionally, including counterarguments or addressing potential rebuttals could enrich the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of teaching foreign languages in primary schools. There are no significant deviations from the main question, and the author consistently relates back to the advantages and disadvantages. However, some sentences could be more concise to avoid any ambiguity, particularly in the discussion of cultural identity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should aim for more concise language. For example, the phrase "the creatures of curiosity so their mindset could be changed easily" could be simplified to "curious children whose mindsets are easily influenced." This would enhance clarity and ensure that the argument remains sharp and on-topic. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt would further strengthen the focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first address the disadvantages of teaching foreign languages, followed by the advantages. However, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However, these disadvantages may be outweighed by the upsides…" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous paragraph’s content.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases that explicitly connect the ideas from one paragraph to the next. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a sentence summarizing those points before introducing the advantages would help clarify the shift in focus.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, with the first discussing disadvantages and the second focusing on advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more uniform in length and depth; the second paragraph is notably longer and more detailed than the first, which may disrupt the balance of the essay.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph is roughly equivalent in length and depth. This could involve expanding on the disadvantages with additional examples or explanations, ensuring that both sides of the argument are given equal weight.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "In addition," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, some phrases are repeated, such as "foreign languages," which could lead to redundancy. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the essay’s sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases for "foreign languages" to avoid repetition. Incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," "Moreover," or "Consequently," can also improve the essay’s fluency and make connections between ideas clearer.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, balanced paragraphing, and varied cohesive devices will enhance clarity and sophistication, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "globalization," "multilingualism," and "cognitive development" effectively employed. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "foreign languages," which appears multiple times without variation. Additionally, phrases like "creatures of curiosity" and "shouldering a huge academic burden" are somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more original expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "foreign languages," you might use "second languages" or "additional languages." Additionally, strive to incorporate more varied expressions to convey similar ideas, which will enrich the essay’s overall lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the rationale in favor of moving away from including foreign language" is somewhat convoluted and could be clearer. The term "multinational large business" could be simplified to "large multinational companies," which is more standard and precise. Furthermore, "being multilingualism" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "being multilingual."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. When expressing complex ideas, ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. Consider revising awkward phrases for clarity, and always double-check for grammatical correctness to improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "full- time job" (should be "full-time job") and "upsides of exposing to foreign languages" (should be "upsides of exposure to foreign languages"). These errors, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling and punctuation. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch mistakes before submission.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "From my perspective, while there appears to be some disadvantages in this fact, I believe that the benefits gained from learning foreign languages from an early age would outweigh the drawbacks." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "learning foreign languages" and "children." The essay also includes some awkward constructions, such as "leading to them shouldering a huge academic burden," which could be more fluidly expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound sentences and use different introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "learning foreign languages," the writer could use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain reader interest. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses could improve flow and readability.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, phrases like "may be considered ‘full-time job’" should be corrected to "may be considered a ‘full-time job.’" The use of quotation marks is inconsistent, and there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before the quotation marks and the incorrect pluralization in "multinational large business." Additionally, the phrase "these disadvantages may be outweigh by the upsides" contains a grammatical error; it should be "may be outweighed."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in articles (a, an, the) and verb forms. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and punctuation issues. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may also assist in catching errors before submission. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction and reviewing subject-verb agreement can enhance overall grammatical proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement, particularly in diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors. By addressing these points, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the context of globalization, many educational institutions in various nations are incorporating foreign languages into the curricula for children to study. From my perspective, while there are some disadvantages to this trend, I believe that the benefits gained from learning foreign languages from an early age outweigh the drawbacks.

Admittedly, the rationale against the inclusion of foreign languages in children’s lessons is compelling. Studying at school may be considered a “full-time job” for children, as it requires them to devote a significant amount of time not only to core subjects such as Mathematics and Science but also to complete their assignments. Therefore, adding another subject to their curriculum requires students to allocate more time to it, resulting in an overwhelming academic burden for them. Additionally, learning foreign languages might do a disservice to children’s own countries at large. This is because students, especially primary school children, are naturally curious, and their mindsets can be easily influenced by external factors. Consequently, focusing on foreign languages instead of concentrating solely on their mother tongue could lead children to prioritize foreign cultures over their own, thereby weakening their national cultural identity.

However, these disadvantages may be outweighed by the advantages of exposure to foreign languages during the primary school period. Firstly, being multilingual has significant benefits for intellectual development. It has been proven that knowing more than one language can enhance cognitive abilities, so children exposed to different languages from an early age could strengthen their critical thinking and boost their creativity, which will be advantageous for their countries in the future. In addition, in this increasingly globalized world, learning foreign languages is extremely vital as it allows people to communicate easily without language barriers. More importantly, several large multinational businesses require candidates to submit language certificates, such as IELTS, to be considered for employment. Hence, children with the ability to use two or more languages may enjoy greater advantages in their professional lives compared to those who do not learn any language other than their mother tongue.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that learning foreign languages at an early age may increase the academic burden of students and weaken cultural identity. Yet, these young people can enhance their creativity and critical thinking skills while avoiding linguistic barriers in today’s globalized world by learning foreign languages, which, as a whole, is advantageous for themselves and their nations.