The diagram shows the stages of family life. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the stages of family life.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The Diagram indicates the common phases of family life. Overall, it is cyclical process and there are five stages in it.

To begin with, the first two stages of a family life can be described as single adult phases. This stage can develop if the people get on with each other and have a pleasant interaction.

In the next stage, the relationship becomes a closer one.A new couple is formed, they can get married and become a family.Moreover, after a period of time they will have a children, at this point, the individuals take responsibility for increase children to growing up.

The parent will have to raise and teach the children to a teenager.That teenager we have to live away from family to have a life of their own. At this time, they will become a single adult and a new cyclical will begins.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the Diagram indicates" -> "the diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise academic term than "indicates," which can be vague. Additionally, "diagram" should be in lowercase unless it starts a sentence.
"it is cyclical process" -> "it is a cyclical process"
Explanation: The article "a" is necessary here to grammatically complete the noun phrase "cyclical process."
"the first two stages of a family life" -> "the first two stages of family life"
Explanation: The article "a" is unnecessary in this context, as "family life" is a general concept rather than a specific instance.
"can be described as single adult phases" -> "can be characterized as single adult phases"
Explanation: "Characterized" is a more formal and precise term than "described," enhancing the academic tone.
"if the people get on with each other" -> "if individuals interact positively"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "interact positively" is clearer and more precise than "get on with each other."
"the relationship becomes a closer one" -> "the relationship becomes more intimate"
Explanation: "More intimate" is a more precise and formal expression than "a closer one," which can be vague.
"they will have a children" -> "they will have children"
Explanation: "A children" is grammatically incorrect; "children" is the correct plural form.
"responsibility for increase children to growing up" -> "responsibility for raising children"
Explanation: "Raising" is the appropriate term for the act of bringing up children, while "increase" is misused here.
"The parent will have to raise and teach the children to a teenager" -> "Parents must raise and educate their children until they reach adolescence"
Explanation: "Parents" is more accurate than "The parent," and "educate" is a more formal term than "teach." "Until they reach adolescence" clarifies the age range more precisely.
"That teenager we have to live away from family to have a life of their own" -> "The teenager must eventually live independently from their family"
Explanation: "Must eventually live independently" is clearer and more formal than "we have to live away from family to have a life of their own."
"At this time, they will become a single adult and a new cyclical will begins" -> "At this stage, they transition into single adulthood, initiating a new cycle"
Explanation: "At this stage" is more precise than "At this time," and "transition into single adulthood" is clearer than "become a single adult." "Initiating a new cycle" is more formal and correct than "a new cyclical will begins."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the stages of family life. It also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the individuals take responsibility for increase children to growing up" but does not explain how this responsibility is reflected in the diagram.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the stages of family life. The essay should also focus on the key features of the diagram, such as the different stages of family life and the cyclical nature of the process. The essay should also avoid confusing key features/bullet points with detail. For example, instead of stating that "the individuals take responsibility for increase children to growing up," the essay could state that "the diagram shows that couples with children are responsible for raising their children."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the stages of family life, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to a disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which hampers the clarity of the relationships between the stages. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent; while there are attempts to create separate sections for different stages, the logical connections between them are not well established.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between stages. More varied and accurate cohesive devices should be employed to connect sentences and paragraphs effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic and logically follows from the previous one would strengthen the overall structure. Finally, refining the use of paragraphing to clearly delineate different stages will help improve clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the stages of family life, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "increase children to growing up" and "a new cyclical will begins"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in vocabulary, which restricts the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. They should also focus on improving word choice and collocation to avoid inaccuracies. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help to create a more sophisticated and flexible use of language. Furthermore, attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy will improve overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent, leading to frequent grammatical errors that can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the individuals take responsibility for increase children to growing up" and "a new cyclical will begins" contain grammatical inaccuracies that hinder clarity. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas, which further detract from the overall coherence of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. It is also essential to proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors. Practicing the use of subordinate clauses and ensuring that subject-verb agreements are correct will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, providing clearer connections between ideas and improving the flow of the essay will contribute positively to the grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram indicates the common phases of family life. Overall, it is a cyclical process, and there are five stages involved.

To begin with, the first two stages of family life can be described as the single adult phases. This stage can develop if individuals get along with each other and have pleasant interactions.

In the next stage, the relationship becomes closer. A new couple is formed, and they may get married, thus establishing a family. Moreover, after a period of time, they will have children; at this point, the individuals take on the responsibility of raising their children as they grow up.

Parents will need to raise and teach their children until they reach their teenage years. At this stage, teenagers may begin to live independently, embarking on lives of their own. Consequently, they will become single adults, and a new cycle will begin.