Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Tourism plays a crucial role in the economy of many countries, while there are some drawbacks associated with developing tourism. I believe the benefits are more important, particularly Providing jobs for local people and maintaining cultural diversity.
It is understandable why some people think tourism is detrimental.
The disadvantage of tourism is that it causes pollution in many countries that tourism plays a vital role in the economy. For instance, Ha Long Bay in Vietnam has spectacular scenery, it attracts a lot of foreign tourists so the amount of trash discharged by foreign visitors is increasing. It resulted in a polluted water environment and affected sea creatures in this place.
On the other hand, the advantages of tourism were clearly obvious. Regarding economic growth, tourism will bring job opportunities for local people. It helps residents have revenues from traditional activities, cuisine,…Moverover, the tourism helps maintain the cultural diversity in many countries across the world, performing traditional features like festivals, behaviors, cultural gastronomy for foreign tourists that are interesting activities. If tourism did not appear,this would devastate many countries economically which rely on tourism as a source of income.
In conclusion, while there is a minus point to causing pollution, maintaining cultural diversity and providing job opportunities should be prioritized to develop the economic growth and cultural diversity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"plays a crucial role" -> "plays a significant role"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the importance without the emotional connotation of "crucial."
"I believe" -> "it is argued"
Explanation: "It is argued" shifts the statement from a personal opinion to a more objective, academic tone, which is preferred in formal writing.
"Providing jobs for local people" -> "providing employment opportunities for local residents"
Explanation: "Employment opportunities" is a more formal and precise term than "jobs," and "residents" is more specific than "people."
"It is understandable why some people think" -> "It is reasonable to argue that"
Explanation: "It is reasonable to argue that" introduces a more formal and academic tone, suggesting a rational discussion rather than a personal opinion.
"the disadvantages of tourism is" -> "one disadvantage of tourism is"
Explanation: "One disadvantage" corrects the grammatical error and makes the sentence more concise and formal.
"it causes pollution in many countries that tourism plays a vital role in the economy" -> "it contributes to pollution in many countries where tourism is a vital economic sector"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the relationship between tourism and pollution, using more precise language that avoids redundancy.
"Ha Long Bay in Vietnam has spectacular scenery, it attracts a lot of foreign tourists" -> "Ha Long Bay in Vietnam, with its spectacular scenery, attracts numerous foreign tourists"
Explanation: This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and uses "numerous" for a more formal tone.
"It resulted in a polluted water environment" -> "This has resulted in a polluted water environment"
Explanation: Adding "This" clarifies the subject of the sentence, improving readability and formality.
"Moverover" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is the correct spelling and is more formal than "Moverover."
"the tourism helps maintain" -> "tourism helps maintain"
Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "tourism" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards.
"performing traditional features like festivals, behaviors, cultural gastronomy" -> "presenting traditional features such as festivals, customs, and cultural cuisine"
Explanation: "Presenting" is more precise than "performing" in this context, and "customs" and "cuisine" are more specific and formal terms than "behaviors" and "gastronomy."
"If tourism did not appear" -> "If tourism did not exist"
Explanation: "Exist" is the correct term to use when discussing the absence of something, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"this would devastate many countries economically" -> "this would severely impact the economies of many countries"
Explanation: "Severely impact" is more precise and formal than "devastate," and "the economies of many countries" is a clearer and more specific phrase.
"a minus point" -> "a drawback"
Explanation: "Drawback" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "minus point," which is colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt effectively. The question specifically asks about the advantages and disadvantages of online courses offered by universities, yet the essay discusses tourism instead. This indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of the task. The introduction mentions tourism and its economic role, which is irrelevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully read the prompt and ensure that their essay directly responds to the question posed. They should outline the advantages and disadvantages of online courses, providing specific examples and details related to that topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors the benefits of tourism over its drawbacks, but this position is not relevant to the prompt. The lack of a clear stance on the topic of online courses leads to confusion and a lack of coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should establish a clear position regarding online education, stating whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. This position should be maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph reinforcing this viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are limited and not well-supported. While the writer mentions job creation and cultural diversity, these points are not elaborated upon in the context of online courses. The examples provided (e.g., Ha Long Bay) do not relate to the topic and therefore fail to support any argument relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on developing specific arguments related to online courses. For instance, they could discuss the flexibility of online learning, accessibility for students in remote areas, and the potential for a wider range of courses. Each point should be supported with relevant examples and explanations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic, discussing tourism instead of online education. This lack of focus results in an essay that does not fulfill the requirements of the task, leading to a low score.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should create an outline based on the prompt before writing. This outline should include points that directly address the advantages and disadvantages of online courses, ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer must ensure that they understand the prompt and respond directly to it. They should present a clear position, develop relevant ideas with supporting examples, and maintain focus on the topic of online education.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear and lacks a logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of tourism directly to its advantages feels abrupt. The introduction mentions the benefits of tourism but does not clearly outline the structure of the argument, which can confuse the reader about what to expect in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should clearly outline the main points in the introduction. A more effective approach would be to state the disadvantages first, followed by a transition that leads into the advantages. Using signposting language (e.g., "Firstly," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the division between ideas is not effective. For example, the first body paragraph mixes the disadvantages with a specific example without clearly separating the two. Additionally, the second body paragraph combines multiple ideas (economic growth and cultural diversity) without distinct separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start a new paragraph for each distinct point, such as one for the disadvantages of tourism and another for the advantages. This will improve clarity and allow the reader to digest each point individually. Additionally, including topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "For instance," but the range is limited, and some devices are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For example, "Moreover" is used incorrectly as "Moverover," which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, there is a lack of varied cohesive devices that could enhance the connections between ideas, such as using "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This could involve using synonyms or varying expressions to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and usage of these devices is crucial for maintaining coherence. The writer should also consider using pronouns and referencing to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages of tourism, such as "providing jobs," "maintaining cultural diversity," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "vital role in the economy" is used without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "providing jobs," alternatives like "creating employment opportunities" or "generating jobs" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to tourism, such as "sustainable tourism" or "ecotourism," could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys the main ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the tourism helps maintain the cultural diversity" should be "tourism helps maintain cultural diversity" to avoid unnecessary articles. Additionally, "a polluted water environment" could be more effectively expressed as "polluted aquatic ecosystems" to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review their word choices and ensure they accurately reflect the intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that focus on context-specific vocabulary can help. For instance, practicing with phrases that describe the impacts of tourism more accurately can enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Moverover" instead of "Moreover," and "revenues from traditional activities, cuisine,…" where the ellipsis is unnecessary and could confuse the reader. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, combined with feedback, will also help in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Tourism plays a crucial role in the economy of many countries") and compound sentences ("For instance, Ha Long Bay in Vietnam has spectacular scenery, it attracts a lot of foreign tourists"). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and some sentences are overly simplistic or incorrectly structured, leading to a lack of sophistication. For example, the sentence "It resulted in a polluted water environment and affected sea creatures in this place" could be improved by integrating clauses to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of "It is understandable why some people think tourism is detrimental," the writer could say, "While many acknowledge the economic benefits of tourism, it is understandable that some people believe it is detrimental due to its environmental impact." This not only adds variety but also depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "particularly Providing jobs for local people" should not capitalize "Providing." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "it attracts a lot of foreign tourists so the amount of trash discharged by foreign visitors is increasing," which would benefit from a comma before "so" to separate the clauses. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the tourism helps maintain the cultural diversity," where "tourism" should not have "the" in front of it.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for capitalization and punctuation errors. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help improve clarity and coherence. For example, the writer could revise "If tourism did not appear,this would devastate many countries economically which rely on tourism as a source of income" to "If tourism were to disappear, it would devastate many countries that rely on it as a primary source of income." This revision corrects grammatical issues and improves the overall flow of the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Tourism plays a significant role in the economy of many countries, although there are some drawbacks associated with its development. I believe the benefits are more important, particularly in providing employment opportunities for local residents and maintaining cultural diversity.

It is reasonable to argue that some people view tourism as detrimental. One disadvantage of tourism is that it contributes to pollution in many countries where tourism is a vital economic sector. For instance, Ha Long Bay in Vietnam, with its spectacular scenery, attracts numerous foreign tourists, leading to an increase in the amount of trash discharged by visitors. This has resulted in a polluted water environment, adversely affecting sea creatures in the area.

On the other hand, the advantages of tourism are clearly evident. In terms of economic growth, tourism creates job opportunities for local people. It helps residents generate revenue from traditional activities and cuisine. Moreover, tourism helps maintain cultural diversity in many countries around the world by presenting traditional features such as festivals, customs, and cultural gastronomy, which are interesting activities for foreign tourists. If tourism did not exist, this would severely impact the economies of many countries that rely on tourism as a source of income.

In conclusion, while there is a drawback in terms of pollution, the benefits of maintaining cultural diversity and providing job opportunities should be prioritized to foster economic growth and cultural richness.