You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given picture demonstrates the proportion of citizens in four different nations in Asia, including Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia from 1970 to 2020 and its expectations for 2030 and 2040.
Overall, these four countries started at different population rates, they witnessed a significant increase in the number of city inhabitants and this data is predicted to constantly soar in the next 20 years.
In terms of Malaysia and Philippines, their initial population percentage was almost identical at around 30 percent. However, while Malaysia's city dwellers soared to approximately 80 percent in 2020, that of Philippines experienced a slight fluctuation and mounted to 40 percent in the same year. With the prediction of the next 20 years, the number of people living in municipal areas in Malaysia and Philippines will grow to around 85 percent, reaching the peak and 55 percent, respectively.

Similarly, regarding Thailand and Indonesia, Although these places had the close percentage of city residents at nearly 20 percent and 15 percent at first, in turns, this figure was the same at nearly 30 percent in 2000. However, Indonesia witnessed a considerable growth and occupied at nearly 50 percent, while Thailand experienced a marginal increase of around 2 percent in 2020. In the next 2 decades, the proportion of metropolitant settlers in Thailand and Indonesia is forcasted to rise substaintially to 45 percent and 60 percent, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the given picture demonstrates" -> "the provided illustration depicts"
   Explanation: "Provided illustration" is more formal and precise than "given picture," which is informal and vague.

2. "the proportion of citizens in four different nations in Asia, including Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia" -> "the proportion of citizens in four distinct Asian nations: the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia"
   Explanation: "Distinct" is more precise than "different," and "the Philippines" requires the definite article "the." The use of a colon enhances clarity.

3. "its expectations for 2030 and 2040" -> "projections for 2030 and 2040"
   Explanation: "Projections" is more academically appropriate than "expectations," which can imply a subjective viewpoint.

4. "they witnessed a significant increase in the number of city inhabitants" -> "they experienced a substantial increase in urban populations"
   Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal term than "witnessed," and "urban populations" is more precise than "city inhabitants."

5. "the prediction of the next 20 years" -> "the projections for the next 20 years"
   Explanation: "Projections" is a more formal and precise term than "prediction," which can imply uncertainty.

6. "the number of people living in municipal areas" -> "the number of individuals residing in urban areas"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "residing" is more precise than "living." "Urban areas" is a more commonly used term in academic contexts than "municipal areas."

7. "while Malaysia’s city dwellers soared" -> "whereas Malaysia’s urban population surged"
   Explanation: "Whereas" provides a clearer contrast than "while," and "surged" is a more impactful verb than "soared."

8. "that of Philippines experienced a slight fluctuation and mounted to 40 percent" -> "the Philippines experienced minor fluctuations, reaching 40 percent"
   Explanation: "The Philippines" requires the definite article, and "minor fluctuations" is more precise than "slight fluctuation." "Reaching" is a clearer verb than "mounted to."

9. "the close percentage of city residents" -> "the similar percentages of urban residents"
   Explanation: "Similar percentages" is more precise than "close percentage," and "urban residents" is more academically appropriate than "city residents."

10. "in turns, this figure was the same at nearly 30 percent in 2000" -> "subsequently, this figure was approximately 30 percent in 2000"
    Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition than "in turns," and "approximately" is more precise than "nearly."

11. "Indonesia witnessed a considerable growth and occupied at nearly 50 percent" -> "Indonesia experienced significant growth, reaching nearly 50 percent"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "witnessed," and "reaching" is clearer than "occupied at."

12. "marginal increase of around 2 percent" -> "marginal increase of approximately 2 percent"
    Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "around," enhancing the academic tone.

13. "the proportion of metropolitant settlers" -> "the proportion of metropolitan residents"
    Explanation: "Metropolitan residents" is the correct term, as "metropolitant" is not standard usage.

14. "is forcasted to rise substaintially" -> "is forecasted to rise substantially"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "forecasted" and "substantially" improves clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "Malaysia’s city dwellers soared to approximately 80 percent in 2020," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "these four countries started at different population rates."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay could also be made more concise by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could simply state that "Malaysia’s city dwellers increased significantly from 1970 to 2020, reaching approximately 80 percent in 2020." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "soared," the essay could say "increased rapidly."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances of mechanical or faulty cohesion, particularly in the transitions between ideas. For example, phrases like "In terms of" and "Similarly, regarding" are used, but they could be more varied to enhance the flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are somewhat jumbled together, leading to a lack of clarity in the progression of thoughts.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer logical connections between ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single clear topic would enhance coherence. Additionally, improving the accuracy of language and reducing repetitive phrases would contribute to a more polished and cohesive response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "inhabitants," "municipal areas," and "metropolitant settlers," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., "forcasted" should be "forecasted," "substaintially" should be "substantially"). While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, the errors and occasional awkward phrasing suggest that the control over lexical features is not fully developed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing their vocabulary range and accuracy. This includes using more precise terms and ensuring correct spelling and word formation. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of lexical items and avoiding repetition would strengthen the essay. Finally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can improve the overall fluency and sophistication of the vocabulary used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the overall grammatical range is limited. There are noticeable grammatical errors, such as "the proportion of citizens in four different nations in Asia, including Philippines" (should be "the Philippines") and "the number of people living in municipal areas in Malaysia and Philippines will grow" (should be "the Philippines"). These errors do not significantly hinder communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by incorporating more varied sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in their use of grammar and punctuation. Proofreading for common errors, such as article usage and subject-verb agreement, will also enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, practicing complex sentence forms and reducing reliance on simple structures will contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given picture demonstrates the proportion of citizens in four different nations in Asia, namely the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia, from 1970 to 2020, along with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Overall, these four countries started with varying population rates and witnessed a significant increase in the number of city inhabitants; this trend is expected to continue over the next 20 years.

In terms of Malaysia and the Philippines, their initial population percentages were almost identical at around 30 percent. However, while Malaysia’s city dwellers soared to approximately 80 percent in 2020, the Philippines experienced a slight fluctuation, reaching 40 percent in the same year. Looking ahead to the next 20 years, the number of people living in urban areas in Malaysia and the Philippines is projected to grow to around 85 percent and 55 percent, respectively.

Similarly, regarding Thailand and Indonesia, although these countries had close percentages of city residents at nearly 20 percent and 15 percent initially, both figures were the same at nearly 30 percent in 2000. However, Indonesia witnessed considerable growth, reaching nearly 50 percent, while Thailand experienced a marginal increase of around 2 percent in 2020. In the next two decades, the proportion of metropolitan settlers in Thailand and Indonesia is forecasted to rise substantially to 45 percent and 60 percent, respectively.