This chart shows the top eight honeymoon destinations for newlywed British couples in 2010. The results come from a survey of 5000 couples

The bar chart below provides information about the honeymoon destination choices of 5,000 British couples in 2010.

As can be seen from the diagram, in first place was Thailand with the highest number of choices from couples. It is also worth mentioning that at the bottom of the list was The Lake District with the least number of choices.

Taking a closer look at the graph, it becomes clear that Thailand headed the list with a huge number of choices from 1,410 couples. Ranked in second place was Bali, which was chosen by 1,335 couples. This was followed by Costa Rica – the choice of 750 British couples.Next came The Maldives, chosen by 600 couples.

The Greek Islands was ranked fourth with 432 choices.As we can see, twice as many surveyed couples chose The Greek Islands compared to Paris. With 140 couples choosing it as their honeymoon destination, Spain was regarded as the sixth popular destination. The least popular destination for couples to enjoy their honeymoon was The Lake District, which gained only 124 choices from couples.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the honeymoon destination choices of 5,000 British couples" -> "the honeymoon destination preferences of 5,000 British couples"
Explanation: "Preferences" is a more precise term than "choices," as it conveys a sense of selection based on desire or inclination, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"in first place was Thailand with the highest number of choices from couples" -> "Thailand ranked first with the highest number of preferences among couples"
Explanation: "Ranked first" is a more formal expression than "in first place," and "preferences among couples" clarifies that the choices are based on the couples’ selections, enhancing clarity.
"at the bottom of the list was The Lake District with the least number of choices" -> "at the bottom of the list was the Lake District, which received the fewest preferences"
Explanation: "Received the fewest preferences" is more precise than "least number of choices," and it avoids the informal tone of "at the bottom of the list."
"Taking a closer look at the graph" -> "Upon closer examination of the graph"
Explanation: "Upon closer examination" is a more formal phrase than "taking a closer look," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"Thailand headed the list with a huge number of choices from 1,410 couples" -> "Thailand topped the list with a significant number of preferences from 1,410 couples"
Explanation: "Topped" is a more concise and formal alternative to "headed," and "significant number of preferences" is more precise than "huge number of choices," which can sound informal.
"which was chosen by 1,335 couples" -> "which was selected by 1,335 couples"
Explanation: "Selected" is a more formal and precise term than "chosen," enhancing the academic tone of the writing.
"the choice of 750 British couples" -> "preferred by 750 British couples"
Explanation: "Preferred by" conveys a stronger sense of selection and is more academically appropriate than "the choice of."
"the Greek Islands was ranked fourth" -> "the Greek Islands were ranked fourth"
Explanation: "Were" is the correct plural verb form to agree with the plural subject "the Greek Islands."
"twice as many surveyed couples chose The Greek Islands compared to Paris" -> "twice as many surveyed couples selected the Greek Islands as compared to Paris"
Explanation: "Selected" is more formal than "chose," and "as compared to" is a clearer comparative phrase than "compared to."
"Spain was regarded as the sixth popular destination" -> "Spain was regarded as the sixth most popular destination"
Explanation: "Most popular" is the correct comparative form, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"the least popular destination for couples to enjoy their honeymoon" -> "the least favored destination for couples’ honeymoons"
Explanation: "Favored" is a more precise term than "popular," and "couples’ honeymoons" is a more concise construction that maintains clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information in the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay does not mention that the most popular destinations are all located outside of the UK. The essay also does not highlight the key features of the chart, such as the fact that Thailand was the most popular destination by a significant margin.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the information in the chart. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the chart and by providing more specific details about the data. For example, the essay could mention that the number of couples who chose Thailand was almost twice as high as the number of couples who chose Bali. The essay could also mention that the number of couples who chose The Lake District was significantly lower than the number of couples who chose any other destination.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the most popular honeymoon destination to the least popular. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could work on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are more explicit would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it communicates the main points regarding the honeymoon destinations, the language used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in punctuation and spacing, such as missing spaces after commas and periods, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the vocabulary lacks variety and sophistication, with phrases like "the highest number of choices" and "the least popular destination" being overly simplistic and not showcasing a wider lexical range.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary and expressions. This could include using synonyms for frequently repeated words (e.g., "choices" could be replaced with "preferences" or "selections") and employing more complex sentence structures. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation and ensuring proper spacing will improve readability and professionalism. Finally, attempting to use less common lexical items related to travel and preferences could elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While it communicates the information clearly and the majority of the sentences are understandable, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall accuracy. For instance, phrases like "the least number of choices" could be more elegantly expressed, and there are minor punctuation issues, such as missing spaces after some punctuation marks. These errors do not significantly impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in grammatical control.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing their grammatical accuracy and variety. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation and phrasing will help improve clarity and fluidity. Engaging in exercises that target specific grammatical issues, as well as seeking feedback on written work, can also aid in developing a more sophisticated command of the language.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart below provides information about the honeymoon destination choices of 5,000 British couples in 2010.

As can be seen from the diagram, Thailand was the most popular choice among couples, receiving the highest number of selections. It is also worth mentioning that at the bottom of the list was The Lake District, which had the least number of choices.

Taking a closer look at the graph, it becomes clear that Thailand topped the list with a substantial number of selections from 1,410 couples. Ranked in second place was Bali, which was chosen by 1,335 couples. This was followed by Costa Rica, the choice of 750 British couples. Next came The Maldives, selected by 600 couples.

The Greek Islands were ranked fourth with 432 selections. As we can see, twice as many surveyed couples chose The Greek Islands compared to Paris. With 140 couples opting for it as their honeymoon destination, Spain was regarded as the sixth most popular destination. The least popular destination for couples to enjoy their honeymoon was The Lake District, which received only 124 selections from couples.