Write a Task 2 essay on this topic: Students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for the issue?

Write a Task 2 essay on this topic:
Students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for the issue?

It is generally claimed that high school graduates lack knowledge and skills on financial management. This essay will debate the main causes of this problem and suggest measures to address it.
         There are several causes that lead to a shortage in financial literacy among high school students. First of all, most learners focus solely on academic subjects in high school. The reason is that the academic lessons are considered an extremely urgent task. It takes up too much time for students to acquire such essential life skill. Moreover, most teachers lack experience and skill to deliver lessons on financial management. For instance, since current teacher training programs heavily emphasize academic knowledge, they often lack confidence in preparing and teaching financial management. 
          Effective solutions should be produced to address this lack of money management skills among young people. The first solution would be to give training to teachers skills on financial management skills. For example, schools can cooperate with finance training organizations and experts to organize several workshops on the above topic and create environment for teachers to learn and practice these skills. The second solution is to encourage a family-based approach to financial education. For instance, parents can teach their children how to compare prices between products to choose the product that suits their needs and budget. The ability to manage money from a young age is one of the important lessons to help them form reasonable spending habits, appreciate the value of money and have a solid foundation for the future. 
            In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the lack of skills in terms of finance, and steps need to be taken to improve financial management skills among high school students. In the future, it can be predicted that a comprehensive learning approach will help students acquire a variety of useful skills in financial literacy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is generally claimed" -> "It is commonly argued"
   Explanation: "It is commonly argued" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.

2. "lack knowledge and skills on financial management" -> "lack knowledge and skills in financial management"
   Explanation: The preposition "in" is more appropriate than "on" when referring to a field of study or a discipline like financial management.

3. "This essay will debate" -> "This essay will explore"
   Explanation: "Explore" is a more academically appropriate verb for an essay that discusses and analyzes a topic rather than debating, which implies a more confrontational tone.

4. "most learners focus solely on academic subjects" -> "many students focus primarily on academic subjects"
   Explanation: "Many students" is more specific and appropriate than "most learners," which is vague and less commonly used in academic writing. "Primarily" is also more precise than "solely."

5. "The reason is that the academic lessons are considered an extremely urgent task" -> "This is because academic lessons are considered a pressing priority"
   Explanation: "Pressing priority" is a more formal and precise term than "extremely urgent task," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.

6. "It takes up too much time for students to acquire such essential life skill" -> "it consumes considerable time for students to acquire such essential life skills"
   Explanation: "Consumes considerable time" is more formal and precise than "takes up too much time." Also, "life skills" should be plural to match the context.

7. "most teachers lack experience and skill to deliver lessons on financial management" -> "many teachers lack the experience and skills necessary to deliver lessons in financial management"
   Explanation: "Many teachers" is more specific than "most," and "necessary" and "in" are more appropriate than "to" and "on" in this context.

8. "Effective solutions should be produced" -> "Effective solutions should be implemented"
   Explanation: "Implemented" is the correct term for putting solutions into action, whereas "produced" is not typically used in this context.

9. "give training to teachers skills on financial management skills" -> "provide training to teachers in financial management"
   Explanation: "Provide" is more formal than "give," and "in" is the correct preposition for referring to training in a subject area.

10. "cooperate with finance training organizations and experts" -> "collaborate with financial training organizations and experts"
    Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more formal and precise term than "cooperate" in this context, and "financial" is the correct adjective for the field of study.

11. "create environment for teachers to learn and practice these skills" -> "create an environment in which teachers can learn and practice these skills"
    Explanation: "An environment in which" is more formal and precise than "a environment for," and "can" is more appropriate than "to" in this context.

12. "The ability to manage money from a young age" -> "The ability to manage finances from an early age"
    Explanation: "Finances" is a more specific term than "money," and "early age" is a more formal expression than "young age."

13. "have a solid foundation for the future" -> "establish a solid foundation for their future"
    Explanation: "Establish" is more precise and formal than "have," and "their" is necessary to specify the possessive form.

14. "steps need to be taken to improve financial management skills" -> "steps must be taken to enhance financial literacy"
    Explanation: "Must be taken" implies a stronger necessity, and "enhance" is more specific than "improve" in the context of developing skills or knowledge. "Financial literacy" is also a more precise term than "financial management skills."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for the lack of financial management skills among high school students and potential solutions. The author identifies two main causes: the focus on academic subjects and the inadequacy of teacher training. These points are relevant and provide a solid foundation for the argument. Additionally, the essay suggests two solutions: training for teachers and a family-based approach to financial education. However, while the causes and solutions are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a deeper exploration of each point, particularly in terms of the implications of these issues.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the extent of the problem and the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Expanding on how these solutions could be implemented and their potential impact would also strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the importance of financial literacy and the need for solutions. The introduction sets the stage for a debate on causes and solutions, and the conclusion reiterates the necessity for improvement. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to connect the discussion of causes to the proposed solutions. This would help the reader follow the argument more easily and reinforce the essay’s overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The causes are articulated well, and the solutions are practical. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the essay mentions that teachers lack training, it does not provide examples of how this impacts students’ financial literacy directly.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include more detailed explanations and examples that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing specific financial skills that students lack or providing examples of successful financial education programs could enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the issues of financial literacy among high school students. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of comparing prices as a family-based approach could be elaborated on to show how this practice contributes to overall financial literacy.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each example directly relates to the main argument. Expanding on how each suggested solution addresses the identified causes would help keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. By enhancing the depth of analysis, improving transitions, and providing more specific examples, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph addressing the causes of the issue and the second focusing on potential solutions. For example, the transition from discussing the lack of focus on financial management in schools to the inadequacy of teacher training is smooth and maintains a logical flow. However, the connection between the causes and solutions could be more explicitly articulated to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer could use more explicit linking phrases between sections. For instance, after discussing the causes, a transitional sentence could summarize the issues before introducing the solutions, such as, "Given these challenges, it is crucial to implement effective solutions." This would create a clearer connection between the identified problems and the proposed remedies.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the solutions being proposed.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. For example, starting the second body paragraph with a sentence like, "To combat the lack of financial literacy, several effective solutions can be implemented" would provide a clearer focus for the reader and improve the paragraph’s coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "for example," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall flow of the essay. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," alternatives like "such as," "to illustrate," or "as an illustration" could be employed. Additionally, using conjunctions like "however," "furthermore," and "consequently" can enhance the complexity and richness of the writing, making the connections between ideas more dynamic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "financial management," "financial literacy," and "academic subjects." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "financial management skills" and "financial education." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary related to finance and education. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "financial management," alternatives like "budgeting skills," "money management," or "economic literacy" could be employed. This not only diversifies the language but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "most learners focus solely on academic subjects" and "the academic lessons are considered an extremely urgent task." The phrase "extremely urgent task" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "lack knowledge and skills on financial management" could be more accurately phrased as "lack knowledge and skills in financial management."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. For example, instead of "extremely urgent task," a more precise phrase could be "primary focus of their education." Furthermore, reviewing the use of prepositions can improve clarity; for instance, using "in" instead of "on" when discussing knowledge and skills.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "create environment" which should be "create an environment." Such small errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on articles and other small grammatical elements that can be easily overlooked. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch these minor mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and exceptions can further improve spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay displays a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of a complex sentence in the phrase "most teachers lack experience and skill to deliver lessons on financial management" effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "The first solution" and "Moreover," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to introduce ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "The first solution," they could use phrases like "One effective approach is…" or "An alternative strategy could involve…". Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions can help create a smoother flow and add complexity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "give training to teachers skills on financial management skills" contains a redundancy with "skills" and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could improve readability, such as after introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to redundancy and clarity in their phrasing. A revision of the problematic sentence could be: "provide teachers with training in financial management." Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and lists, will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly argued that high school graduates lack knowledge and skills in financial management. This essay will explore the main causes of this issue and suggest measures to address it.

There are several reasons that contribute to the deficiency in financial literacy among high school students. First of all, many students focus primarily on academic subjects in high school. This is because academic lessons are considered a pressing priority. Consequently, it consumes considerable time for students to acquire such essential life skills. Moreover, many teachers lack the experience and skills necessary to deliver lessons in financial management. For instance, since current teacher training programs heavily emphasize academic knowledge, they often lack confidence in preparing and teaching financial management.

Effective solutions should be implemented to address this lack of money management skills among young people. The first solution would be to provide training to teachers in financial management. For example, schools can collaborate with financial training organizations and experts to organize workshops on this topic and create an environment in which teachers can learn and practice these skills. The second solution is to encourage a family-based approach to financial education. For instance, parents can teach their children how to compare prices between products to choose the one that suits their needs and budget. The ability to manage finances from an early age is one of the important lessons that can help them form reasonable spending habits, appreciate the value of money, and establish a solid foundation for their future.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the lack of skills in financial management, and steps must be taken to enhance financial literacy among high school students. In the future, it can be predicted that a comprehensive learning approach will help students acquire a variety of useful skills in financial literacy.