Writing task 2: People in the community now could buy cheaper consumer goods. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Writing task 2: People in the community now could buy cheaper consumer goods.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modernization process, the manufacturing goods industry has got a great deal of innovations in both selling prices and product’s quality, leading to a decrease in the cost of consumer goods. That decrease has not only noteworthy benefits but also shortcomings. In my own point of view, this phenomenon’s optimistic influences on consumers outweigh the pessimistic.

First and foremost, lower prices provide more accessibility to specific products for the lower-income individuals. Numerous items sold in the supermarkets, namely groceries and dairy products, used to be sold at higher prices than in the markets, as food safety and hygiene is well-checked and the origins are published. Nevertheless, due to an inappropriate cost, lower-income dwellers are not likely to afford and instead, they have no choice but to spend money on low-quality stuff, which possibly causes well-being problems. Therefore, cutting down the prices increases the possibility of consumers being accessible to high-quality goods.

Another point worth mentioning is the ability to fulfill living conditions by purchasing products at a lower price. On the grounds of straightforward access to goods that meet the standards, inhabitants have a great chance to make a purchase of necessities, namely dairy products or kitchenware, resulting in adequate household applications. To exemplify, a majority of customers hesitate whether to pay for an essential item or not due to its unreasonable price. Thus, whenever needed items are on sale, shoppers will be appealed then grab the chance to acquire them as a result.

On the other hand, coming across cheap but unauthentic products is inevitable. Unoriginal goods possibly blend into authentic ones in identical covers. As a result, consumers have a common tendency to grasp affordable products in lieu of the expensive but genuine ones. Nonetheless, supermarket managers have tightened their security by carefully controlling product quality before selling so as to categorize reliable sources of product.

Taking everything into consideration, while unavoidable problems about product quality, the undeniable benefits for accessibility and living conditions do outweigh the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the manufacturing goods industry has got a great deal of innovations" -> "the manufacturing industry has witnessed significant innovations"
   Explanation: Replacing "has got" with "has witnessed" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence. "Significant" is more precise than "a great deal of," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

2. "leading to a decrease in the cost of consumer goods" -> "resulting in a reduction in the cost of consumer goods"
   Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," which is somewhat colloquial. "Reduction" is also more specific than "decrease," which is somewhat general.

3. "this phenomenon’s optimistic influences" -> "this phenomenon’s positive influences"
   Explanation: "This phenomenon’s" is grammatically correct, and "positive" is more formal and precise than "optimistic," which can imply a subjective emotional tone.

4. "lower-income individuals" -> "low-income individuals"
   Explanation: "Low-income" is the correct term, as it refers to individuals with lower incomes, whereas "lower-income" is a comparative form that is less commonly used in this context.

5. "as food safety and hygiene is well-checked" -> "as food safety and hygiene are well-checked"
   Explanation: Correcting "is" to "are" fixes the grammatical error, ensuring subject-verb agreement with the plural subject "food safety and hygiene."

6. "inappropriate cost" -> "unaffordable cost"
   Explanation: "Unaffordable" is a more precise term that directly conveys the idea of being too expensive for someone’s budget, whereas "inappropriate" is vague and less specific.

7. "low-quality stuff" -> "inferior products"
   Explanation: "Inferior products" is a more formal and precise term than "low-quality stuff," which is informal and vague.

8. "cutting down the prices" -> "reducing the prices"
   Explanation: "Reducing" is a more formal and precise term than "cutting down," which is colloquial.

9. "On the grounds of straightforward access" -> "owing to straightforward access"
   Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal preposition than "on the grounds of," which is somewhat awkward and less commonly used in this context.

10. "make a purchase of necessities" -> "purchase essential items"
    Explanation: "Purchase essential items" is more direct and formal than "make a purchase of necessities," which is awkward and verbose.

11. "as a result" -> "therefore"
    Explanation: "Therefore" is a more formal transitional word than "as a result," which can be seen as slightly informal in academic writing.

12. "coming across cheap but unauthentic products is inevitable" -> "encountering cheap but counterfeit products is inevitable"
    Explanation: "Counterfeit" is a more precise term than "unauthentic," and "encountering" is more formal than "coming across."

13. "blend into authentic ones" -> "blend with authentic products"
    Explanation: Adding "products" clarifies the noun and maintains the formal tone.

14. "grasp affordable products" -> "purchase affordable products"
    Explanation: "Purchase" is the correct verb for buying, whereas "grasp" is incorrect in this context.

15. "supermarket managers have tightened their security" -> "supermarket managers have enhanced their security measures"
    Explanation: "Enhanced their security measures" is more specific and formal than "tightened their security," which is somewhat vague and informal.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of cheaper consumer goods. The author highlights benefits such as increased accessibility for lower-income individuals and improved living conditions due to lower prices. The mention of potential drawbacks, particularly regarding the quality of products, shows a balanced approach. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more developed, as it is somewhat brief compared to the advantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide a more thorough analysis of the disadvantages, perhaps by including specific examples of how low-quality goods can impact consumers negatively. This would create a more balanced argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of cheaper consumer goods outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrase "in my own point of view" could be more assertively stated to strengthen the position.
  • How to improve: The author could improve clarity by using more definitive language, such as "I firmly believe" instead of "in my own point of view." Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph’s concluding sentence would help maintain focus on the overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages of cheaper consumer goods, such as accessibility and improved living conditions. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the author mentions that lower prices allow for better access to quality goods, there is a lack of statistical evidence or concrete examples to substantiate these claims.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the benefits of lower prices on consumer behavior. This could involve citing instances where lower prices have led to improved health outcomes or increased purchasing power among lower-income groups.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic and directly addresses the question regarding the advantages and disadvantages of cheaper consumer goods. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly in the section about supermarket managers tightening security. While relevant, this point could be more directly linked to the main argument about consumer benefits and drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question. Clarifying how managerial practices impact consumer experiences with cheaper goods would help keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the author should work on providing more detailed support for their ideas, enhancing the clarity of their position, and ensuring that all points remain closely tied to the central question.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the topic and the writer’s viewpoint. Each body paragraph addresses a specific point related to the advantages and disadvantages of cheaper consumer goods. For example, the first body paragraph discusses accessibility for lower-income individuals, while the second focuses on improved living conditions. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, particularly in the shift from the second advantage to the discussion of disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition phrases that signal shifts in focus, such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" when introducing the disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement, reinforcing the argument that advantages outweigh disadvantages.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one dedicated to a specific idea. The first two paragraphs clearly outline the advantages, while the third addresses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The paragraph discussing disadvantages is shorter and less developed than those discussing advantages, which may give the impression that the disadvantages are less significant.
  • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths by expanding on the disadvantages. For instance, you could elaborate on the potential consequences of purchasing low-quality goods or provide examples of how these products can affect consumers in the long term. This would create a more comprehensive discussion and strengthen the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "another point worth mentioning," and "on the other hand." These phrases help guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and connection between ideas. For instance, the use of conjunctions and linking words could be more diverse.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." For example, when transitioning from the advantages to the disadvantages, you might use "Despite these benefits, there are also significant drawbacks." This would not only improve the flow but also help to clarify the relationship between different points in your argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potential increase in the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "modernization process," "innovations," "accessibility," and "unoriginal goods." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, some phrases are somewhat repetitive, such as "lower prices" and "accessibility," which could be varied further to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "lower prices," alternatives like "reduced costs" or "affordable pricing" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to economic concepts, such as "market dynamics" or "consumer behavior," would elevate the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "inappropriate cost" is unclear; it would be more precise to say "high prices" or "excessive costs." Similarly, "unoriginal goods" could be better expressed as "counterfeit products" or "knock-offs," which are more commonly understood terms in this context.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context and common usage of terms. Engaging with a thesaurus can help find more suitable synonyms, but it is important to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that focus on collocations and context usage can also aid in improving precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. Words like "well-being" are correctly hyphenated, while "dwellers" and "necessities" are spelled correctly. However, the term "unoriginal" could be seen as less common, and while not incorrect, it may confuse some readers.
  • How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, perhaps reading the essay aloud to catch any potential errors. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can help avoid mistakes in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence openings. For instance, the use of phrases like "In the modernization process" and "First and foremost" effectively introduces ideas and transitions. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as beginning multiple sentences with "lower prices" or "on the other hand," which can detract from the overall variety. The use of relative clauses (e.g., "which possibly causes well-being problems") adds complexity, but the overall sentence variety could be improved.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and avoid starting too many sentences with similar phrases. Using participial phrases (e.g., "Having access to lower prices, consumers can…") or inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never before have consumers had such access to affordable goods") can add variety. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences would further enrich the grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. For example, "the manufacturing goods industry has got a great deal of innovations" could be more clearly expressed as "the manufacturing industry has seen significant innovations." Additionally, the phrase "the origins are published" is somewhat vague and could be clarified. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which possibly causes well-being problems."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in expression. Reviewing subject-verb agreement and verb tenses would also be beneficial, as there are minor inconsistencies. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and ensuring they are used to separate clauses correctly would enhance readability. Regularly proofreading for common grammatical errors and seeking feedback from peers could also help identify areas for improvement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and punctuation, but with targeted practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the process of modernization, the manufacturing industry has witnessed significant innovations in both selling prices and product quality, resulting in a reduction in the cost of consumer goods. This decrease has not only noteworthy benefits but also some shortcomings. In my opinion, this phenomenon’s positive influences on consumers outweigh the negative aspects.

First and foremost, lower prices provide greater accessibility to specific products for low-income individuals. Numerous items sold in supermarkets, such as groceries and dairy products, used to be priced higher than those in local markets, as food safety and hygiene are well-checked, and the origins are clearly published. However, due to unaffordable costs, lower-income residents often struggle to afford these items and are left with no choice but to spend money on inferior products, which can lead to health problems. Therefore, reducing the prices increases the likelihood of consumers being able to access high-quality goods.

Another point worth mentioning is the ability to improve living conditions by purchasing products at lower prices. Owing to straightforward access to goods that meet safety standards, residents have a great opportunity to purchase essential items, such as dairy products or kitchenware, resulting in adequate household supplies. For example, many customers hesitate to buy essential items due to their unreasonable prices. Thus, when necessary items are on sale, shoppers are likely to seize the opportunity to acquire them.

On the other hand, encountering cheap but counterfeit products is inevitable. Unauthentic goods can easily blend with authentic ones in similar packaging. As a result, consumers often tend to opt for affordable products instead of the more expensive genuine ones. Nonetheless, supermarket managers have enhanced their security measures by carefully controlling product quality before selling, in order to distinguish reliable sources of products.

In conclusion, while there are unavoidable issues regarding product quality, the undeniable benefits for accessibility and improved living conditions do outweigh the disadvantages.