advantages and disadvantages of raising pets

On the one hand, it is undeniable that raising pet brings several benefits to both adults and children. First and foremost, fostering household pet provides emotional support to vulnerable people such as the elderly, the blind, the lonely,…In modern society, young people tend to live away from their families when they are mature, and the situation of parents being alone in their home has become a trend, so raising pet is as a popular way to soothe the loneliness and missing their children. In addition, raising pets helps people to builds responsible behavior and social skills, especially children via feeding, caring for, bathing them. This means that it helps children to be responsible and know how to take care of themselves and others, especially their own family.
On the other hand, beside the benefits mentioned above, the drawbacks of this trend could nout be ignored. Firstly, Pets cause infectious as well as skin diseases or is dangerous to human when thay have psychology or health problems. For example, when dogs and cats shed their fur, tiny hairs stick to blankets, tables, sofars and other household items, thereby causing allegies for people, especially the elderly and children. Furthermore, ưith hyperactive animals, keeping them in the house will cause many difficulties for the owner, their activities will have negative impact on their lives. For example, Sphinx cats often scratch sofas, dogs bite shoes, and carry things everywhere, which means the owner will have to spend money to buy new items.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"raising pet" -> "raising pets"
Explanation: The verb "raising" should be plural to match the subject "pets," which is a plural noun.
"fostering household pet" -> "raising household pets"
Explanation: The phrase "fostering household pet" is awkward and unclear. "Raising household pets" is more natural and precise.
"the blind, the lonely" -> "the blind, the elderly, and the lonely"
Explanation: Adding "the elderly" clarifies the list of vulnerable groups, and using "and" instead of a comma improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"raising pet is as a popular way" -> "raising pets is a popular way"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and removes the unnecessary "as" for a more natural flow.
"builds responsible behavior" -> "develops responsible behavior"
Explanation: "Develops" is more precise and academically appropriate than "builds" in this context, referring to the cultivation of skills or traits.
"via feeding, caring for, bathing them" -> "through feeding, caring for, and bathing them"
Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "via" in this context, and adding "and" before "bathing" corrects the list structure.
"beside the benefits mentioned above" -> "in addition to the benefits mentioned above"
Explanation: "In addition to" is more formal and precise than "beside," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"could nout be ignored" -> "cannot be ignored"
Explanation: "Could nout be ignored" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. "Cannot be ignored" is the correct and formal expression.
"Pets cause infectious as well as skin diseases or is dangerous to human" -> "Pets can cause infectious diseases and skin conditions, and can be dangerous to humans"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying the types of diseases and the subject affected.
"thay have psychology or health problems" -> "they have psychological or health problems"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "thay" to "they" and adjusts the phrase for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"tiny hairs stick to blankets, tables, sofars and other household items" -> "tiny hairs cling to blankets, tables, sofas, and other household items"
Explanation: "Cling" is a more precise verb than "stick" in this context, and "sofas" corrects the typo "sofars."
"allegies" -> "allergies"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "allegies" to "allergies."
"ưith hyperactive animals" -> "with hyperactive animals"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error "ưith" to "with."
"keeping them in the house will cause many difficulties for the owner" -> "keeping them in the house can cause significant difficulties for the owner"
Explanation: "Can" is more appropriate than "will" as it indicates possibility rather than certainty, and "significant" is more precise than "many."
"their activities will have negative impact on their lives" -> "their activities may have a negative impact on their lives"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "will" for indicating possibility, and "a negative impact" is grammatically correct.

These changes enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of raising pets, which is a requirement of the prompt. However, the discussion is somewhat unbalanced, with more emphasis placed on the advantages. The disadvantages are mentioned but lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay notes that pets can cause diseases, it does not elaborate on the implications of these diseases or provide a comprehensive view of the potential negative impacts of pet ownership.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are explored equally. Each point should be supported with specific examples and explanations. For instance, if discussing the drawbacks, the writer could include statistics on pet-related allergies or more detailed anecdotes about the challenges of pet ownership.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that acknowledges both sides of the argument, but it lacks a definitive stance. The transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s overall viewpoint. Phrases like “beside the benefits mentioned above” suggest a shift but do not clearly indicate the writer’s position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using clear transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. For example, stating, “While there are significant benefits to raising pets, the drawbacks must also be considered” would provide a clearer framework for the discussion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of pet ownership, such as emotional support and responsibility development. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, the claim that pets provide emotional support is made without any data or personal anecdotes to reinforce it. The disadvantages are also presented but lack sufficient detail and explanation, which diminishes their impact.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend each idea with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing emotional support, the writer could include research findings on the psychological benefits of pet ownership. Similarly, when mentioning the drawbacks, providing specific case studies or statistics would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of raising pets. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the mention of “keeping hyperactive animals in the house” could be more directly tied to the overall theme of pet ownership rather than being presented as a standalone issue.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the advantages and disadvantages of pet ownership. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help maintain this focus, ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, presenting a clear and consistent position, providing more detailed support for their ideas, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages of raising pets. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the logical flow could be improved; for example, the transition between the benefits of raising pets and the drawbacks could be more seamless. The phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the subsequent transition to "On the other hand" feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit connection between the two contrasting views.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the advantages to the disadvantages. For instance, after discussing the emotional support pets provide, you could introduce the drawbacks by mentioning how these benefits might come with certain responsibilities or risks. This would create a more cohesive argument and guide the reader through your thought process.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. Each paragraph contains multiple sentences that elaborate on the main idea. However, some sentences within the paragraphs could be more concise and focused, which would improve clarity. For instance, the first paragraph contains a long sentence that could be broken down for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each supporting sentence directly relates to the topic sentence. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones can also enhance clarity and maintain the reader’s engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "on the other hand." These phrases help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it harder to follow the argument. For example, the phrase "beside the benefits mentioned above" could be replaced with a more specific transitional phrase that directly relates to the previous point.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "conversely," and "for instance." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For example, when introducing examples, phrases like "for example" or "such as" can be effectively used to illustrate points more clearly.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of raising pets. Phrases like "emotional support," "responsible behavior," and "social skills" indicate a good attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as using "raising pet" multiple times without variation. Additionally, phrases like "the situation of parents being alone in their home has become a trend" could be expressed more succinctly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "raising pets," alternatives like "pet ownership" or "having pets" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "the phenomenon of parental solitude" instead of "the situation of parents being alone" would improve lexical variety and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, but there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "pets cause infectious as well as skin diseases" lacks clarity; it would be more accurate to specify "pets can transmit infectious diseases" or "pets can lead to skin allergies." Furthermore, the term "psychology" is incorrectly used in the context of pets; "behavioral issues" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reviewing terms and their contexts can help avoid misapplication. For instance, replacing "psychology" with "behavioral problems" or "health issues" would clarify the message. Additionally, using more specific descriptors, such as "allergic reactions" instead of "allegies," would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Words such as "nout" (should be "not"), "thay" (should be "they"), "sofar" (should be "sofas"), and "allegies" (should be "allergies") indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling. These errors can confuse readers and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt strategies such as proofreading the essay multiple times, utilizing spell-check tools, or reading the text aloud to catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises focused on vocabulary can also help reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some effective vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer uses complex sentences such as "In modern society, young people tend to live away from their families when they are mature," which effectively conveys a clear idea. However, there is a noticeable reliance on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity of the writing. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "the drawbacks of this trend could nout be ignored," which contains a typographical error ("nout" should be "not") and disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, they could combine ideas using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although raising pets has many benefits, it can also lead to various challenges"). Practicing the use of relative clauses and participial phrases can also add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "raising pet" should be "raising pets" to ensure subject-verb agreement. The phrase "helps people to builds responsible behavior" contains a grammatical error where "builds" should be "build." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the misuse of ellipses in "the lonely,…" which is inappropriate in formal writing. The sentence "Pets cause infectious as well as skin diseases or is dangerous to human when thay have psychology or health problems" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that verbs are in the correct form. They should also focus on using articles correctly (e.g., "the elderly" instead of "elderly") and avoid vague phrases like "is dangerous to human," which should be revised to "is dangerous to humans." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these common mistakes. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring proper use of commas and avoiding run-on sentences, will enhance overall clarity.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, it is undeniable that raising household pets brings several benefits to both adults and children. First and foremost, fostering household pets provides emotional support to vulnerable people such as the elderly, the blind, and the lonely. In modern society, young people tend to live away from their families when they mature, and the situation of parents being alone in their homes has become a trend. Therefore, raising pets is a popular way to soothe the loneliness and missing their children. In addition, raising pets helps people develop responsible behavior and social skills, especially children, through feeding, caring for, and bathing them. This means that it helps children to be responsible and know how to take care of themselves and others, especially their own family.

On the other hand, besides the benefits mentioned above, the drawbacks of this trend cannot be ignored. Firstly, pets can cause infectious diseases as well as skin conditions, and can be dangerous to humans when they have psychological or health problems. For example, when dogs and cats shed their fur, tiny hairs cling to blankets, tables, sofas, and other household items, thereby causing allergies for people, especially the elderly and children. Furthermore, with hyperactive animals, keeping them in the house can cause significant difficulties for the owner; their activities may have a negative impact on their lives. For example, Sphinx cats often scratch sofas, dogs bite shoes, and carry things everywhere, which means the owner will have to spend money to buy new items.