Advertisements are becoming common in everyday life. Do you think advertisements bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Advertisements are becoming common in everyday life.
Do you think advertisements bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Advertisements which can be seen as a multibillion-dollar industry are becoming frequently familiar with consumers in daily life, from commercials, billboards to promotional videos on social networking sites. My own view is that the drawbacks of these are overweight benefits.

One clear advantage is that consumers may have been well-informed by accessing news from advertisements. This is because excessive information such as features or tools of latest products can be revealed by colorful advertisements quickly and attractively. For example, when being confused about buying a new smartphone from several brands, customers can make a comparison to choose which is the most suitable phone they should buy through watching advertisements. Therefore, both consumer’s demands are responded to and the company’s profits are also increasingly followed.

However, the disadvantages overwhelm advantages. Since advertising techniques and gimmicks have increasingly become common, they are being employed to attract prospective consumers to make impulsive buying decisions. The reason is that advertisements are made of special effects and detailed graphics enticing people to buy their products immediately. For instance, many companies even allocate significant funds for celebrities to become their unique ambassadors in different merchandise. By applying this method, the amount of products are competitively ordered by celebrities' fanclubs although there are no using demands. This may result in a huge loss of money.

Moreover, advertisements can be quite annoying because of their high frequency and interruptions they cause. Many people are mostly distracted by watching lots of exaggerated advertisements while they are working, learning or searching on social websites. This can be irritating and frustrating viewers’ experiences.

In conclusion, while advertising still has its benefits, the detriments are obviously stronger. Although knowing more about modern updates is useful, overspending money and continuous interruption causes no small amount of damage.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Advertisements which can be seen as a multibillion-dollar industry are becoming frequently familiar with consumers" -> "The advertising industry, valued at billions of dollars, is increasingly familiar to consumers"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

2. "overweight benefits" -> "overwhelming benefits"
   Explanation: "Overweight" is a misused term in this context. "Overwhelming" correctly conveys the idea of numerous benefits that may be too numerous to handle.

3. "well-informed by accessing news from advertisements" -> "informed by accessing information from advertisements"
   Explanation: "Well-informed" is redundant with "accessing news," and "information" is a more precise term in this context than "news."

4. "excessive information" -> "abundant information"
   Explanation: "Excessive" implies too much of a negative quality, whereas "abundant" simply means there is a large amount, which is more neutral and appropriate for an academic discussion.

5. "colorful advertisements" -> "vivid advertisements"
   Explanation: "Colorful" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Vivid" is more precise and academically suitable, emphasizing the visual impact of the advertisements.

6. "customers can make a comparison to choose which is the most suitable phone they should buy" -> "consumers can compare options to select the most suitable phone"
   Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, removing redundancy and enhancing formality.

7. "both consumer’s demands are responded to and the company’s profits are also increasingly followed" -> "both consumer demands are met and company profits increase"
   Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, removing awkward phrasing and enhancing readability.

8. "the disadvantages overwhelm advantages" -> "the disadvantages outweigh the advantages"
   Explanation: "Overwhelm" is incorrect in this context; "outweigh" is the correct term for comparing the relative importance of two things.

9. "advertising techniques and gimmicks have increasingly become common" -> "advertising techniques and gimmicks have become increasingly prevalent"
   Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal and precise term than "common," fitting better in academic writing.

10. "are being employed to attract prospective consumers to make impulsive buying decisions" -> "are used to persuade potential consumers to make impulsive purchasing decisions"
    Explanation: "Persuade" is more specific and formal than "attract," and "purchasing" is more precise than "buying" in an academic context.

11. "the amount of products are competitively ordered" -> "the quantity of products is competitively ordered"
    Explanation: "The amount" should be "the quantity" for grammatical correctness, and "is" should replace "are" for subject-verb agreement.

12. "there are no using demands" -> "there is no demand"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.

13. "overspending money" -> "excessive spending"
    Explanation: "Overspending" is a more precise term that directly conveys the idea of excessive expenditure.

14. "continuous interruption causes no small amount of damage" -> "continuous interruptions cause significant damage"
    Explanation: "Interruptions" should be plural to match the context, and "significant" is more precise and formal than "no small amount of."

These changes enhance the precision, clarity, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. It discusses how advertisements inform consumers about products and influence purchasing decisions. However, the emphasis seems to lean towards the disadvantages, suggesting a slight imbalance in coverage.
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced approach by exploring advantages with equal depth. This could involve discussing how advertisements stimulate economic growth or provide entertainment value.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the disadvantages of advertisements outweigh the benefits. This position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and ensuring each body paragraph reinforces this viewpoint without ambiguity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly with examples such as the impact of advertisements on consumer decisions and their potential financial drawbacks. However, some ideas could be more fully developed and linked back to the essay’s overall argument.
  • How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing more specific examples and statistical evidence where possible. Link each idea explicitly to whether it supports the overall argument that disadvantages outweigh advantages.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly to discussing consumer behavior rather than the direct impact of advertisements themselves.
  • How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the effects of advertisements throughout the essay. Avoid digressing into broader discussions unless directly relevant to supporting your argument about the impact of advertisements.

Overall, while the essay effectively discusses the topic and maintains a consistent position, there are opportunities to enhance balance, clarity, development of ideas, and adherence to the central theme. By addressing these areas, you can improve coherence and depth, potentially raising your score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally clear organization with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion summarizing the arguments. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect (advantage or disadvantage), which aids clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. For example, use linking words like "furthermore" or "on the other hand" to better connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate distinct points. Each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and develops its main idea coherently.
  • How to improve: Consider refining paragraph structure by varying sentence length and incorporating more sophisticated transitions. For instance, integrating phrases like "this illustrates that" or "as a result, it can be seen that" can strengthen the coherence within and between paragraphs.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as pronouns ("these," "this"), conjunctions ("because," "although"), and linking phrases ("for example," "in conclusion") to connect ideas within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: To enrich cohesion, explore additional cohesive devices such as synonyms ("however" instead of "although"), parallel structures ("not only… but also"), and passive voice constructions where appropriate ("it is argued that"). This will enhance the essay’s coherence and make the connections between ideas more explicit.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. To progress to a higher band score, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These adjustments will further strengthen the logical structure and coherence of your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases such as "multibillion-dollar industry," "excessive information," "gimmicks," "impulsive buying decisions," "competitive," and "exaggerated advertisements." These terms adequately convey the writer’s ideas and cover a range of aspects related to advertisements.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced vocabulary that accurately captures the intended meaning. For example, instead of "becoming familiar," consider using "ubiquitous" or "pervasive" to enhance sophistication. Additionally, varying sentence structures and employing synonyms could further enrich the vocabulary used.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise vocabulary could enhance clarity and impact. For instance, the phrase "overspending money" could be more precisely replaced with "excessive expenditure," which is more concise and directly conveys the idea.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices that directly express the intended meaning with clarity and accuracy. Utilize words that align closely with the specific context to avoid ambiguity or over-generalization.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors such as "advatanges" (should be "advantages") and "ambassodors" (should be "ambassadors"). These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools and reviewing essays thoroughly before submission. Developing a habit of proofreading for spelling errors specifically can help in identifying and correcting such mistakes consistently.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, there is room for improvement in using more precise vocabulary choices and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their expression in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences (e.g., "Advertisements which can be seen as a multibillion-dollar industry are becoming frequently familiar with consumers in daily life"), although these are sometimes awkward or overly complex. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with occasional use of complex sentences for elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance score in this criterion, aim for more consistent and effective use of complex structures. Ensure that complex sentences are clear and appropriately used to convey ideas without becoming convoluted. Incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism or balanced sentence structures can also add depth to the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, though there are several notable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("advertisements…are becoming frequently familiar") and sentence structure coherence ("since advertising techniques and gimmicks have increasingly become common"). Punctuation is generally correct but lacks sophistication (e.g., overuse of commas).
  • How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in sentence structure. Review comma usage to ensure it enhances clarity rather than causing confusion. Consider using a wider variety of punctuation marks (e.g., semicolons, dashes) to improve sentence fluency and coherence.

Overall Feedback:
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, presenting both sides of the argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. However, to improve the score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy to a higher band, more attention should be given to refining sentence structures for clarity and variety, and ensuring greater grammatical precision throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertisements, a booming industry valued in billions of dollars, have increasingly become familiar to consumers in their daily lives, appearing on TV, billboards, and social media platforms. In my opinion, the disadvantages of these advertisements outweigh their benefits.

One significant advantage is that consumers can gain abundant information from advertisements. For instance, when consumers are undecided about purchasing a new smartphone from various brands, vivid advertisements allow them to compare options and choose the most suitable phone. This helps meet consumer demands and increases company profits.

However, the disadvantages are more prominent. Advertising techniques and gimmicks are prevalent and often used to persuade consumers to make impulse purchases. For example, advertisements often use special effects and detailed graphics to tempt consumers into buying products immediately. Additionally, celebrities are frequently hired to endorse products, influencing consumer buying decisions even when there is no real demand.

Furthermore, advertisements can be highly irritating due to their frequent interruptions. Many people find themselves distracted by constant and exaggerated advertisements while working, studying, or browsing social media platforms, leading to frustration and a negative viewing experience.

In conclusion, while advertisements provide some benefits such as informing consumers about new products, the drawbacks such as encouraging unnecessary spending and causing continuous interruptions are substantial. Therefore, despite the advantages, the disadvantages of advertising are more significant and cannot be overlooked.