Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. is it a positive or negative development

On a daily basic, there has increased number of commercials . I personally believe this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.
There are two major advantages of advertisements. Fisrtly, advertisement provide customers with information about products or services. As a result, people can make better shopping choices. For example, by watching TV commercials about different brands of shampoo products, I csn choose the one that works best for me.
Secondly, adversising can rise people’s awareness and knowledge about product development. Advertising helps people discover more about technological devices such as smartphones. My nephew, for instance, knows a lot about technological devices such as smartphone or the ipad because he watchs many adverts about digital gadgets on TV.
Despite the positive mentioned above, advertisements brings a wide range of drawbacks. An organisation has to spend a huge amout of money on advertising, which leads to an increase in the cost of their products and services. Another drawbacks is advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not really need. Apple’s maketing and advertising campaigns, for instance, have a great influence on the spending habits of young people. Many of today’s young long to own the lastest version of the iphone even though their iphones still function perfectly well for their needs.
In conclusion, in my opinion the increase in advertisements is both beneficial and detrimental.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"On a daily basic" -> "On a daily basis"
Explanation: "On a daily basis" is the correct phrase, which is more grammatically accurate and formal than "On a daily basic."
"there has increased number of commercials" -> "there has been an increase in the number of commercials"
Explanation: "There has been an increase in the number of" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"I personally believe" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "Firmly believe" conveys a stronger, more academic tone than "personally believe," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"Fisrtly" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is the correct spelling of the word, which is essential for maintaining professionalism in academic writing.
"advertisement provide" -> "advertisements provide"
Explanation: "Advertisements" should be plural to match the plural subject "There are."
"As a result, people can make better shopping choices." -> "Consequently, consumers can make more informed purchasing decisions."
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional phrase than "As a result," and "consumers" and "more informed purchasing decisions" are more precise and formal than "people" and "better shopping choices."
"I csn" -> "I can"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of mistakes.
"adversising" -> "advertising"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly.
"rise people’s awareness" -> "raise people’s awareness"
Explanation: "Raise" is the correct verb form for this context, improving the grammatical accuracy.
"product development" -> "product developments"
Explanation: "Developments" should be plural to match the plural context of advertising.
"My nephew, for instance, knows a lot about technological devices such as smartphone or the ipad because he watchs" -> "For example, my nephew is well-versed in technological devices such as smartphones and iPads because he watches"
Explanation: "Is well-versed in" is a more formal expression than "knows a lot about," and "smartphones and iPads" should be plural to match the context. Also, "watches" corrects the verb tense.
"advertises" -> "advertising"
Explanation: "Advertising" is the correct noun form, aligning with the context of the sentence.
"An organisation has to spend a huge amout of money" -> "Organizations must spend a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Organizations" should be plural to match the generalization, and "significant amount" is more precise and formal than "huge amout."
"Another drawbacks" -> "Another drawback"
Explanation: "Drawback" should be singular to match the singular noun "Another."
"Apple’s maketing" -> "Apple’s marketing"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly.
"the lastest version" -> "the latest version"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly.
"iphones" -> "iPhones"
Explanation: Corrects the capitalization of the brand name "iPhone" for proper form.
"the increase in advertisements" -> "the rise in advertising"
Explanation: "Rise" is a more formal term than "increase" in this context, and "advertising" is the correct noun form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging that advertisements have both positive and negative aspects. However, it lacks depth in exploring these points. The introduction states that the trend has both benefits and drawbacks, but it does not clearly define what constitutes a "positive" or "negative" development in the context of the question. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but do not fully illustrate the implications of the trend on society or individuals.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly define what is meant by "positive" and "negative" developments in relation to advertisements. The writer could expand on the implications of these benefits and drawbacks, discussing how they affect consumer behavior, societal values, or economic factors. Including more nuanced examples and analysis would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal belief that advertisements have both advantages and disadvantages; however, this position is not consistently maintained throughout. The conclusion reiterates the mixed stance, but the body paragraphs do not clearly weigh these factors against each other or indicate which side is more significant. This lack of clarity can confuse the reader about the writer’s ultimate position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should decide whether they lean more towards the positive or negative aspects of advertisements. They could structure the essay to emphasize one side more strongly, perhaps by dedicating a paragraph to each viewpoint and then concluding with a clear statement of their overall stance. This would help the reader understand the writer’s perspective more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the examples given (such as the nephew’s knowledge of smartphones) are too simplistic and do not effectively illustrate the broader impact of advertisements. Additionally, the drawbacks mentioned are not sufficiently explored; the implications of increased consumer spending and the pressure to buy unnecessary products are only briefly touched upon.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, when discussing the drawbacks of advertising, they could provide statistics on consumer spending or discuss psychological effects on consumers. Each idea should be supported with more detailed examples and analysis, which would enhance the overall argument and provide a more compelling case.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing advertisements and their effects. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the examples provided. For instance, the mention of the nephew’s knowledge of smartphones, while relevant, does not directly relate to the broader implications of advertising as a trend. This can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and points made directly relate back to the question of whether the increase in advertisements is a positive or negative development. They could also use topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly indicate how the content relates to the main argument, ensuring that all information presented is relevant to the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the prompt, maintain a clearer position, develop and support ideas more thoroughly, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first advantage of advertisements to the second is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that guides the reader. Additionally, the drawbacks are introduced in a way that feels slightly disconnected from the advantages, which could confuse the reader about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus. For example, after discussing the advantages, a sentence like "On the other hand, there are also significant drawbacks to consider" would provide a smoother transition. Additionally, within paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked back to the main argument, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined, particularly the transition between the advantages and disadvantages. The conclusion, while present, feels a bit rushed and could benefit from a more developed summary of the main points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the paragraph discussing advantages could start with "There are several significant advantages to advertisements that benefit consumers." Additionally, the conclusion could be expanded to briefly restate the key points discussed in the body paragraphs, providing a more comprehensive wrap-up of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," to introduce points. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "As a result" and "for instance" are used, but the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Consequently." This will help to create a more nuanced connection between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for instance, the phrase "Despite the positive mentioned above" could be rephrased for clarity, such as "Despite the advantages mentioned earlier."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. By focusing on improving logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be further strengthened, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, terms like "advertisements," "products," and "services" are repeated frequently without synonyms or alternative phrases. Phrases such as "a huge amount of money" and "a wide range of drawbacks" are somewhat generic and could be enhanced with more specific vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "advertisements," alternatives like "commercials," "promotional content," or "marketing campaigns" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "substantial investment" instead of "huge amount of money" would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, "adversising can rise people’s awareness" should use "raise" instead of "rise." Additionally, the phrase "the lastest version of the iphone" contains a spelling error and lacks clarity regarding what "lastest" means, which should be "latest." The use of "basic" in "On a daily basic" is incorrect and should be "basis."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should double-check word forms and meanings. Utilizing tools such as a thesaurus can help find the correct words. Practicing writing with a focus on context can also help ensure that vocabulary is used accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect the overall impression. Words like "Fisrtly" (should be "Firstly"), "adversising" (should be "advertising"), "csn" (should be "can"), "watchs" (should be "watches"), "amout" (should be "amount"), "drawbacks" (should be "drawback"), "maketing" (should be "marketing"), and "lastest" (should be "latest") indicate a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help identify and correct errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of lexical resource, there are significant areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the use of "Firstly" and "Secondly" to introduce points is effective in organizing the essay. However, the essay predominantly relies on straightforward sentence constructions, which limits the overall range. Phrases such as "I personally believe this trend has both benefits and drawbacks" and "Despite the positive mentioned above" show some attempt at complexity but could be enhanced further.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not really need," the writer could say, "While advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not really need, it also informs them about new products." Additionally, varying the use of transition words and phrases can help create more sophisticated sentence connections.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "On a daily basic" should be "On a daily basis," and "there has increased number of commercials" should be "there has been an increased number of commercials." The use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "an organisation" versus "the lastest version of the iphone," where "the" should be "the latest version of the iPhone." Additionally, punctuation errors such as the missing comma after "For example" and the incorrect spacing before punctuation marks (e.g., "commercials .") hinder readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding commas and spacing can help ensure that sentences are correctly punctuated. Reading essays or articles can also provide examples of proper grammar and punctuation in context, which can aid in internalizing these rules.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will enhance the overall quality of writing. Regular practice and revision can lead to significant improvements in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

On a daily basis, there has been an increase in the number of commercials. I personally believe this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.
There are two major advantages of advertisements. Firstly, advertisements provide customers with information about products or services. As a result, people can make better shopping choices. For example, by watching TV commercials about different brands of shampoo products, I can choose the one that works best for me.
Secondly, advertising can raise people’s awareness and knowledge about product developments. Advertising helps people discover more about technological devices such as smartphones. My nephew, for instance, knows a lot about technological devices such as smartphones or the iPad because he watches many adverts about digital gadgets on TV.
Despite the positives mentioned above, advertisements bring a wide range of drawbacks. An organization has to spend a huge amount of money on advertising, which leads to an increase in the cost of their products and services. Another drawback is that advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not really need. Apple’s marketing and advertising campaigns, for instance, have a great influence on the spending habits of young people. Many of today’s young people long to own the latest version of the iPhone even though their iPhones still function perfectly well for their needs.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the increase in advertisements is both beneficial and detrimental.