Buying new things has too much importance in modern society. To what extent do you agree with this statement ?

Nowadays, purchasing new things play an crucial role in advanced society and many argues that this trend has become out of boundaries. In my opinion, I definitely agree that the consumerism has soared, often overshadowing other values such as relationships, experiences, and sustainable living. This essay will support my ideas for my agreement with this statement.

First and foremost, younger generations are always keeping up with new trends and trying to follow all the latest fads. Specifically, it is common to see young people surf on the social media in order to be up-to-the-minute with fashion. For example, fashion industry has growth dramatically for the pass few years in some Asian countries and most of their customers are the youngsters who are only satisfied by buying new and latest collection. In addition, the younger are the most vulnerable object and easy get mental issues, such as defend mechanism, peer-pressure, inferiority complex, the fear of missing out so that they are always on the edge of owning the on-trend items.

Moreover, the buying desire of younger population will often take a results in overconsumption, leading to environmental harm. For example, industries like fast fashion encourage consumers to purchase clothes frequently whether they truly need them or not and only care their profit. This generates a large amount of waste and pollution, contributing to climate change and environmental degradation. Additionally, the constant demand for new products puts pressure on manufacturers to produce goods rapidly, often at the expense of ethical labor practices and resource conservation.

In conclusion, while purchasing new items has its place in the modern economy and can contribute to personal convenience, I believe that it is given too much importance in many parts of the world. The negative effects on society, individual well-being, and the environment suggest that needing a more balanced approach, emphasizing mindful consumption and sustainable living, would be more beneficial. Therefore, I largely agree that the significance placed on buying new things has become excessive in today's world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, purchasing new things play an crucial role" -> "In recent times, the purchase of new items plays a crucial role"
Explanation: The phrase "In recent times" is more formal and precise than "Nowadays," and "the purchase of new items" is more specific and formal than "purchasing new things."
"many argues" -> "many argue"
Explanation: "Argues" is a singular verb form and does not agree with the plural subject "many." Using "argue" corrects this grammatical error.
"out of boundaries" -> "beyond bounds"
Explanation: "Beyond bounds" is a more precise and formal expression than "out of boundaries," which is awkward and incorrect.
"I definitely agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: "Strongly agree" is a more academically appropriate term than "definitely agree," which can sound overly emphatic and informal.
"youngsters" -> "young people"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is somewhat informal and less precise than "young people," which is more commonly used in formal writing.
"surf on the social media" -> "surf the social media"
Explanation: "Surf on the social media" is incorrect; "surf the social media" is the correct phrase.
"fashion industry has growth dramatically" -> "fashion industry has grown dramatically"
Explanation: "Has grown" is the correct verb form to use in this context, correcting the grammatical error.
"the younger are the most vulnerable object" -> "the younger are the most vulnerable to being manipulated"
Explanation: "The younger are the most vulnerable object" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"easy get mental issues" -> "are easily affected by mental issues"
Explanation: "Easy get mental issues" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"the fear of missing out" -> "the fear of missing out (FOMO)"
Explanation: Adding "FOMO" in parentheses provides clarity and specificity to the term, which is commonly used in academic and formal contexts.
"take a results in" -> "result in"
Explanation: "Take a results in" is grammatically incorrect. "Result in" is the correct phrase.
"only care their profit" -> "only care about their profits"
Explanation: "Only care their profit" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Only care about their profits" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"industries like fast fashion encourage consumers to purchase clothes frequently" -> "industries such as fast fashion encourage consumers to purchase clothing frequently"
Explanation: "Clothing" is a more formal term than "clothes," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.
"only care their profit" -> "only care about their profits"
Explanation: This is a repetition of the previous correction, as "only care their profit" is grammatically incorrect and should be "only care about their profits."
"needing a more balanced approach" -> "requiring a more balanced approach"
Explanation: "Needing" is less formal than "requiring," which is more appropriate for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement that buying new things holds too much importance in modern society. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support this stance. The essay discusses both the societal implications of consumerism and its environmental impact, thereby covering the multifaceted nature of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly reference the extent to which they agree with the statement in the introduction. For instance, clarifying whether they believe it is a universal issue or more pronounced in certain demographics would provide a more nuanced answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that consumerism is excessive. The use of phrases like "I definitely agree" and "I largely agree" reinforces this viewpoint. However, there are moments where the argument could be more explicitly tied back to the main thesis, particularly in the transition between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the thesis. For example, at the beginning of each paragraph, reiterating how the point made relates to the overarching argument would help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the influence of social media on consumer behavior and the environmental consequences of overconsumption. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the reference to the fast fashion industry. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration; for instance, the mention of mental health issues could be expanded to include specific examples or statistics to enhance credibility.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations or evidence for their claims. Incorporating data, studies, or more specific examples would bolster the arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of consumerism and its implications. However, there are slight deviations, such as the introduction of mental health issues without a clear connection to the main argument. While relevant, these points could be more tightly integrated into the overall discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. When introducing a new idea, it should be clearly linked back to the central argument. For instance, when discussing mental health, the writer could explain how consumerism exacerbates these issues, thereby reinforcing the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By refining the clarity of the argument, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring tight integration of all points, the writer can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of consumerism in modern society. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the influence of trends on younger generations, while the second addresses the consequences of overconsumption. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, a linking sentence could better connect the ideas of consumerism and its environmental impact.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the influence of trends, a sentence like, "This obsession with trends not only affects individual well-being but also has broader implications for the environment," could serve as a bridge to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the issue, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific examples and implications. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. The phrase "Moreover, the buying desire of younger population will often take a results in overconsumption" is somewhat convoluted and could be more straightforward.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, rephrase the beginning of the second paragraph to something like, "The obsession with purchasing new items among the younger population often leads to detrimental effects, including overconsumption and environmental harm."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "moreover," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "the younger are the most vulnerable object" lacks clarity and could be better integrated into the overall argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstratives are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay. For example, instead of "the younger," specify "younger individuals" to enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance its overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "consumerism," "overconsumption," and "sustainable living" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the frequent use of "new things" and "younger generations." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "new things," alternatives like "novel products," "latest trends," or "modern acquisitions" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic or sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the essay’s tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "the younger are the most vulnerable object" is awkward and unclear; "younger individuals" or "youth" would be more appropriate. The term "defend mechanism" appears to be a typographical error for "defense mechanism," which affects clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used correctly and appropriately. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and contexts of words before using them. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context can also help in selecting the most suitable terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "an crucial" (should be "a crucial"), "argues" (should be "argue"), and "the pass few years" (should be "the past few years"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can be beneficial. Engaging in writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct usage.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essays and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs both simple sentences ("This essay will support my ideas for my agreement with this statement.") and more complex structures ("the buying desire of younger population will often take a results in overconsumption, leading to environmental harm."). However, there are instances where the complexity could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "the younger are the most vulnerable object and easy get mental issues" lacks sophistication and clarity, as it combines awkward phrasing with grammatical errors.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because) to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences could enhance the overall complexity and engagement of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "purchasing new things play an crucial role" should be "plays a crucial role," indicating subject-verb agreement and the correct article usage. Additionally, "many argues" should be "many argue," which also reflects subject-verb agreement. The phrase "the younger are the most vulnerable object" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it would be clearer as "younger individuals are the most vulnerable." Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of plural nouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these common errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity and flow.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are specific areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

In recent times, the purchase of new items plays a crucial role in modern society, and many argue that this trend has gone beyond bounds. In my opinion, I strongly agree that consumerism has soared, often overshadowing other values such as relationships, experiences, and sustainable living. This essay will support my ideas in agreement with this statement.

First and foremost, younger generations are constantly keeping up with new trends and trying to follow the latest fads. Specifically, it is common to see young people surf the social media to stay up-to-date with fashion. For example, the fashion industry has grown dramatically over the past few years in some Asian countries, and most of their customers are youngsters who are only satisfied by purchasing the newest collections. Additionally, the younger population is the most vulnerable to being manipulated and are easily affected by mental issues, such as defense mechanisms, peer pressure, inferiority complex, and the fear of missing out (FOMO). As a result, they are always on the edge of owning the on-trend items.

Moreover, the buying desire of the younger population often results in overconsumption, leading to environmental harm. For instance, industries such as fast fashion encourage consumers to purchase clothing frequently, whether they truly need them or not, and only care about their profits. This generates a large amount of waste and pollution, contributing to climate change and environmental degradation. Additionally, the constant demand for new products puts pressure on manufacturers to produce goods rapidly, often at the expense of ethical labor practices and resource conservation.

In conclusion, while purchasing new items has its place in the modern economy and can contribute to personal convenience, I believe that it is given too much importance in many parts of the world. The negative effects on society, individual well-being, and the environment suggest that a more balanced approach, emphasizing mindful consumption and sustainable living, would be more beneficial. Therefore, I largely agree that the significance placed on buying new things has become excessive in today’s world.