Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?

It is true that there are lots of adverts created to attract consumers' attention by companies. This can lead to some negative consequences, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted.
There are many problems resulting from increasing the number of advertisements. One obvious issue is that several adverts often appear when users watch films or videos. This can make viewers down their mood while watching videos. For example, on the YouTube platform, when people watch exciting moments, it often shows several adverts, and thus this can make people feel disappointed and angry. Another potential risk is that various advertisements don't tell the truth, which misleads people to buy low-quality products or click on links connected to websites about gambling.
Various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these issues. The first possible solution is that social companies that have platforms to show adverts should implement policies about adverts, which means that the number of advertisements in a video can be reduced and thus this helps users enjoy videos better. The second approach is that the government should introduce a new law about adverts to check them strictly. This can lead to a decrease in several advertisements which are created for bad purposes.
In conclusion, although adverts tend to ascend can rise to many issues, steps can be taken to improve the situation.

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Errors and Improvements:

"there are lots of adverts" -> "there is a proliferation of advertisements"
Explanation: "Lots of" is informal; "proliferation" is a more formal term suitable for academic writing, indicating a rapid increase in the number of advertisements.
"This can lead to some negative consequences" -> "This can result in adverse outcomes"
Explanation: "Negative consequences" is somewhat colloquial; "adverse outcomes" is a more formal and precise term in academic writing.
"several adverts often appear" -> "multiple advertisements frequently emerge"
Explanation: "Several" and "often" are somewhat colloquial; "multiple" and "frequently" are more formal and appropriate for academic style.
"This can make viewers down their mood" -> "This can dampen viewers’ mood"
Explanation: "Down their mood" is awkward; "dampen viewers’ mood" is a more precise and formal expression.
"on the YouTube platform" -> "on the YouTube platform"
Explanation: This phrase is appropriate as is; no improvement needed.
"thus this can make people feel disappointed and angry" -> "thus eliciting feelings of disappointment and anger"
Explanation: "Make people feel" is overly simplistic; "eliciting feelings of" is more formal and academic.
"Another potential risk is that various advertisements" -> "Another potential concern is that numerous advertisements"
Explanation: "Risk" can be replaced with "concern" for variety; "various" can be replaced with "numerous" for clarity and precision.
"misleads people to buy low-quality products or click on links connected to websites about gambling" -> "misleads individuals into purchasing inferior products or clicking on links associated with gambling websites"
Explanation: "Low-quality products" can be elaborated as "inferior products"; "connected to websites about gambling" can be expanded to "associated with gambling websites" for clarity.
"Various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these issues." -> "Various measures, however, can be implemented to mitigate these issues."
Explanation: "Nevertheless" is informal; "however" is a more appropriate transitional term for academic writing. "Address" is replaced with "mitigate" for a stronger connotation of action.
"the first possible solution" -> "the primary solution"
Explanation: "First possible solution" can be simplified to "primary solution" for clarity and conciseness.
"which means that the number of advertisements in a video can be reduced and thus this helps users enjoy videos better" -> "resulting in a reduction of advertisements within videos, thereby enhancing user experience"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and awkward; this revision condenses it while maintaining clarity and formality.
"the second approach is that the government should introduce a new law about adverts to check them strictly" -> "the second approach entails the government enacting stricter regulations on advertisements"
Explanation: "Introduce a new law about adverts to check them strictly" is convoluted; "enacting stricter regulations on advertisements" is more concise and clear.
"although adverts tend to ascend can rise to many issues" -> "although the proliferation of advertisements can give rise to numerous issues"
Explanation: "Tend to ascend" is unclear; "the proliferation of advertisements" is a more precise and formal term. "Ascend" is replaced with "give rise to" for clarity and accuracy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the influence of advertisements on consumers to some extent but lacks depth in exploring the measures to protect consumers. While it acknowledges the negative consequences of increasing advertisements, such as affecting viewers’ mood and misleading consumers, it only briefly mentions possible solutions without elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve task response, the essay should provide a more thorough analysis of both aspects of the prompt. This includes delving deeper into the extent of consumer influence by advertisements and offering more detailed measures to protect consumers, such as regulatory policies, consumer education initiatives, or industry standards.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position throughout by acknowledging the negative impacts of advertisements on consumers and suggesting potential solutions. However, the position could be strengthened by providing stronger and more explicit statements regarding the stance on the influence of advertisements and the necessity for protective measures.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should explicitly state the author’s position on the influence of advertisements and consistently reinforce this stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by framing arguments and solutions in a more assertive manner.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks extension and support. While it mentions problems associated with advertisements and suggests solutions, it lacks depth in elaborating on these points. Additionally, the examples provided are limited and lack specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extension, and support, the essay should provide more detailed explanations of the problems caused by advertisements and offer specific examples or evidence to bolster arguments. Additionally, expanding on the proposed solutions with concrete details or examples would strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the influence of advertisements on consumers and suggesting measures to address related issues. However, it occasionally lacks focus, particularly in the discussion of potential solutions where the ideas could be more tightly connected to the central theme.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus on the topic, the essay should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the influence of advertisements and measures to protect consumers. This can be achieved by clearly linking each idea or example back to the overarching theme throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the prompt and provides a basic analysis of the issues, it could significantly improve by expanding on ideas, providing more specific examples, and maintaining a clearer and more consistent position throughout. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of both aspects of the prompt would enhance the overall depth and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents the issue of increasing

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some varied expressions such as "negative consequences," "potential risk," "implement policies," and "introduce a new law." However, there is limited lexical diversity throughout the essay. For instance, repetitive use of words like "advertisements" and "issues" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative phrases to enrich the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing certain terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," alternate with terms like "promotional campaigns," "marketing materials," or "commercial messages." Additionally, incorporating more nuanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "consumer persuasion tactics" or "regulatory measures," can elevate the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "low-quality products" could be more precisely articulated to convey the specific nature of the products, whether it’s regarding durability, effectiveness, or safety concerns. Similarly, the term "bad purposes" lacks specificity and could be refined to elucidate the detrimental intentions behind certain advertisements more precisely.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by providing specific details or descriptors that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms like "low-quality products," specify the deficiencies, such as "substandard merchandise" or "inferior goods." Similarly, replace general phrases like "bad purposes" with more descriptive language, such as "deceptive motives" or "malicious intent," to offer a clearer understanding of the negative implications associated with certain advertisements.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors observed. However, it’s essential to remain vigilant to avoid potential spelling mistakes that may detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Continue practicing spelling through activities such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and vocabulary expansion exercises. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistent application of spelling rules to maintain a high standard of accuracy in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used throughout the essay, with occasional complex structures. For example, the essay contains sentences like "One obvious issue is that several adverts often appear when users watch films or videos," which is a compound sentence, and "The second approach is that the government should introduce a new law about adverts to check them strictly," which is a complex sentence. However, there is limited use of more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or passive voice constructions, which could enhance the complexity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures and enhance effectiveness, consider incorporating a broader range of grammatical structures. Introduce conditional sentences to discuss hypothetical situations or outcomes, and utilize passive voice constructions to vary sentence structure and emphasize certain ideas. Additionally, aim to include more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses to provide detailed explanations or supporting evidence for arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are some instances of errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the sentence "For example, on the YouTube platform, when people watch exciting moments, it often shows several adverts, and thus this can make people feel disappointed and angry" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("it often shows" should be "they often show") and awkward phrasing ("thus this can make people"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("One obvious issue is that several adverts often appear when users watch films or videos") and inconsistent use of capitalization ("…can lead to a decrease in several advertisements which are created for bad purposes" should be "…can lead to a decrease in several advertisements, which are created for bad purposes").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, ensuring that commas are used appropriately to clarify meaning and enhance readability. Additionally, consider revising awkward phrasing to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that there is a proliferation of advertisements designed to capture the attention of consumers by competing companies. This can result in various negative consequences, necessitating the adoption of potential solutions.

There are several problems associated with the increasing number of advertisements. One notable issue is the frequent appearance of multiple adverts during the viewing of films or videos, which can dampen viewers’ moods. For instance, on the YouTube platform, when individuals are engrossed in exciting moments, they are often interrupted by several adverts, thus eliciting feelings of disappointment and anger. Another potential concern is that numerous advertisements may not convey truthful information, leading people to purchase inferior products or click on links associated with gambling websites.

Various measures, however, can be implemented to mitigate these issues. The primary solution could involve social media companies, which host platforms for advertisements, implementing policies to limit the number of advertisements within videos. This would enhance user experience by reducing interruptions during video consumption. Alternatively, the government could enact stricter regulations on advertisements, thereby deterring the creation of misleading or harmful adverts.

In conclusion, although the proliferation of advertisements can give rise to numerous issues, steps can be taken to improve the situation. By implementing effective policies and regulations, both social media platforms and government bodies can work towards minimizing the negative impact of advertisements on consumers.